Just Can't Live a Lie
by DrChristineJ
Summary: Meredith takes some space from Derek, but she still loves him.Meredith gets shot,a man from Meredith's past shows up, and everything is going to change! Is Meredith keeping a secrect from Derek? Love,Hate,Lies,great and bad moments.R&R PLZ!Chap.33 IS UP
1. Chapter 1 Someone's Missing

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 1**_

**_Name of Chapter: Someone's Missing_**

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

Chief, finally he was chief, chief of surgery, Derek Shepherd. He was proud. He'd made it, made it to the top. But one thing was still missing. He knew what it was, he knew it very well. He should be happy, now as he had reach his goal. But he wasn't, and hadn't been in a long while. For a small person to be, she could fill a big part of his heart. Her smile made him smile even when he had a bad day. Her hair always smelled so good and…"Chief, we need you down stairs." He looked confused up from the table he had stared at for a long while now. "On my way," he said and where already on his way out of the door and on his way down to the first floor. He wasn't used to be called chief. Richard Webber had always been the chief at Seattle Grace as long as Derek could remember. Now he had moved to Europe with his wife leaving Derek again in Seattle with the hospital. Derek took a deep breath before opening the door to the Emergency.

There where people everywhere, screaming, crying.

"Can someone tell me what the hell happened?" Derek said with a loud voice. A nurse came headed to him.

"Chief, there has been an accident at Mercy West and all the emergency patients have been transferred to Seattle Grace..."

Before she could finish Derek interrupted her. "WHAT? How the hell does the chief of Mercy West think that we can to the job without more nurses, and doctors?" He was frustrated and angry.

"Chief, Mercy West has sent residents and nurses to Seattle Grace, and they are here any minute." Derek took a deep breath again before he nodded. "Fine, tell them to hurry up, we have a lot to do here." Derek hurried up to Burke who was on his way with a bleeding patient. "Burke, I need an update."

Burke looked up. "Okay, the two patients over there needs surgery, and the rest need to be stitched up, three people with safe head injuries, one needs brain surgery, one needs a consult, and one is code blue already taken care of." Burke pushed his glasses on spot before Derek continued. "Alright, Burke to OR 1 with Dr. Stevens. Karev takes the suturing. O'Malley takes the consult, and Yang you come with me. You're scrubbing in at the brain surgery." In a hurry the doctors were on their way. "Dr Shepherd which OR?"

Derek looked at his pager. "OR 2, Dr. Yang. Get ready to scrub in along with an intern from Mercy West; I'll be back in a minute." Cristina nodded. "Got it."

Derek ran down the hall to the nurse station, to guide the doctors who had come from Mercy West. "Okay, Dr. Chang to OR 1 with Dr. Burke. Dr. Hemmer, to the EM. Dr…" Derek got speechless. There in front of him, she stood. Meredith, Meredith Grey. She had transferred to Mercy West just a couple of month earlier.

She had told him she needed some space, to clear her head, and now she was back at Seattle Grace. "Umm, Dr.Grey you're with me at OR 2." She stared at him for a moment, not sure what to say. "Oh, okay Dr. Shepherd. Got it."

Derek watched her leaving before turning to the rest of the group. "Okay the rest of interns and doctors goes to see where they might need someone. Nurses, Fallon to room 2435, Hayes room 4137, Darren, 1236, Dubbin 5238. Alright, move people." Derek headed to OR 2, getting ready to pull out a blood plug in a man's right part of brain. This was one of the very busy days at Seattle Grace not to dimension the patients from Mercy West.

* * *

The surgery was over, the patient had died. Derek could still hear it.

_"Dr. Grey, call it please." _She had looked at him. _"Time of death; 11.53." _He knew she hated to call, but she had done it anyway. Now he sat at his office, the chief office. He couldn't read her. Meredith had nodded to him a couple of times, but that was it. The people from Mercy West were supposed to leave in 15 minutes, and that meant that Meredith would leave too. Suddenly someone knocked on the door.

"Come in," Derek answered. Slowly the door went up, and his eyes met Meredith's. "Hi, can I speak with you for a moment?" He nodded as she went further into the room. "Sit down." She did as he said, and took a seat.

"Okay."

She took a deep breath before she started.

"I have thought about this in a long time now. About us." Derek felt nervous, thinking about what she would say next. "And I'm done Derek, I can't take it more. I can't stay away from you, but I can't face you either." They were both silent for a second, before Derek spoke.

"You remember the day we went to the sea? When you had a red top on, and we sat around the fire until the sun where down? That evening I knew. I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted you, Meredith." It went awkward silent. Derek looked at her. She didn't seem to be sad, or happy, nothing.

"Derek. I, I have to go now. I and the other nurses and doctors are going back to Mercy West in 7 minutes. I can't be late. I have to go." She stood up and walked toward the door. Her feelings were just a mess. She wanted Derek, but she couldn't go back to him. She wasn't ready, and she didn't know if she would ever be ready. "Mer, wait. What will happen, to us? Will I see you again soon?" He also stood now.

"Maybe Derek, maybe," was all she could say.

Outside Seattle Grace there were taxies waiting for them. All the other doctors had taken a seat in deferent's taxies, and she was on her way to on of them before she suddenly changed her mind. She didn't want to go back to Mercy West. Not at all. She liked Seattle Grace, she liked Seattle. She knew there was another reason too. She knew it, but she didn't like the feeling inside her. She hated telling her selves that she was in love. In love with _him. _If she could just stop loving him everything would be much easier. But she couldn't. She was trapped in him.

She just stood there watching the taxies drive away. She wanted to go away from him, but she didn't do it anyway. _Why, _she told her selves over and over. _Why can't I just drive away from him? To another city? Why?_ She knew the answer but she didn't want to face it. _I can't love him, I just can't!_

Derek still satin his office. He was thinking about her, all the time. Since she had left him first time, and now again and she never said anything about their relation ship. If she would ever return to him, or if she didn't wanted to be with him.

He didn't know why she didn't want to stay with him. Did she have another boyfriend? As fast as he had thought about the last sentence, he pulled it away. She didn't have another boyfriend. He knew it. If she did he would have seen it in her eyes. Guilt, sadness or happiness. But her eyes had been all empty.

He shook his head as he went out of his office, the chief of surgery's office.

Dr. Shepherd the brilliant Nero surgeon was happy about being chief, but Derek wasn't. In the past Derek and Dr. Shepherd had become to different persons, with to different goals and to different ways of thinking. It was frustrating. Derek walked over the "bridge" at the second floor of the hospital,and then he saw her.

She just stood there with her back toward the hospital, so Derek couldn't see her face. Several of questions were running trough his head. Why was she still there? Had she missed the taxi? But why hadn't she called after another one? Suddenly she falled to the ground, and Derek could see blood streaming from her left arm!

_Will continue!_

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**I'm sorry for the waiting, but the second chapter will be up soon: )**

**PLEASE, if you have ideas or something you wanna say about my story, please REVIEW: )**


	2. Chapter 2 The Hardest Thing

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 2**_

**_Name of Chapter: The Hardest Thing_**

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

_(Suddenly she passed out, falling to the ground, and Derek could she the blood streaming from her arm.)_

Derek wide opens his eyes. Meredith, she was hurt, her left arm was bleeding, and now she had passed out. Without thinking about anything else he stormed to the stairs, and couldn't get down and out to her fast enough.

"Mer, Meredith, can you hear me?"

Derek ran toward her. The bleeding was from a gun shot. He could see the bullet. She didn't respond. He sat down next to her, finding her pulse. He got relieved when he found it, but it was feeble.

"Mer, Mer," damn it, he thought. Who had did this to her? He left her up in his hands any carried her inside. He needed to get a CT scan of her arm. Her hand may have invisible injuries, and it may be some nerve damage.

She was bleeding a lot, and Derek had to stop the bleeding before he could do something. "Can somebody get a nurse over here?"

Right now, he was glad to be chief.

"Somebody page Dr. Burke, and get an OR for me, NOW."

Somebody had hurt Meredith, his Meredith. He got her a bed, and laid her down. He wrapped some towels around her bleeding scar.

"Get her some air, and get a stabile pulse people."

Derek stood looking at her, as the nurses fixed her.

"Dr Shepherd you paged me?" Burke came into the room.

"Yes, Dr. Burke its Meredith. She's been shot. I need you to take a look at the bleeding." "Meredith Grey? She's been shot in her left arm?"

Burke went toward Meredith to take a look.

"Oh, Derek, she has lost a lot of blood."

"Yeh I know that," Derek yelled.

"I have an OR ready." A nurse came into the room.

"Chief, Dr Shepherd here's the X-ray picture and the CT scan for you."

Derek grabbed it out of her hands.

"Dr.Burke, how's she doing?"

"She's stabile for now, but we need an OR now Dr. Shepherd."

"The nerves in her left hand are not good, and the CT scan shows two broken bones, and the bullet is stuck under the central nerve."

Derek sight. What if she never got her arm function back? What if something happened and she died?

"Derek, lets go, the OR is ready for us."

* * *

Derek and Burke got ready to the surgery. 

"Derek I know this is tuff for you. You love her right?" Derek looked at him. "Yeh, I do love her. But I don't know if she still loves me."

"Derek, she will be okay, you're one of best Nero surgeon in the country."

Derek putted his scrub hat on and headed to the OR. "Let's go save her hand, Dr. Shepherd,"Burke said and followed Derek into the OR where Meredith laid ready on the table.

* * *

"Damn it. The bulled is stuck, I can't get it out. I need the clutch. Dr. Burke, how's her pulse." 

"Stabile for now, but the bulled needs go get out before she bleeds to…." Burke didn't wanted to say the word dead.

"Before she loose too much blood."

"Damn it I know that. A dose MCR, 3mm cVP."

"Heart rhythm 80 over 60, Dr Shepherd, where loosing her pulse."

Derek sweated. What if he didn't have the bullet out? What if she died? NO, NO he couldn't think like that. She was going to be just fine.

"Give the plot." Derek finally got the bullet out.

"Okay, Dr. Burke your turn."

Burke went to stay where Derek had just stood. It didn't go too long before the heart rhythm and the pulse where back to normal.

"Dr Shepherd, you okay?" Burke turned to face Derek.

"I need a moment; I have just pulled a bullet out of my friend." Derek didn't want to say girlfriend, because he didn't know if she still was his girlfriend, but he loved her.

"Yes, of course Dr Shepherd. She's stabile and were almost done now."

Derek went closer the table where Meredith lay.

"Now we just have to see if she has hand function. And we wont know before she wakes up," Derek said with sadness in his voice.

* * *

Meredith had almost died. He had almost killed her. He didn't know who had done this, and why. He didn't know and it made him angry. He shouldn't have let her go away again. If he had just persuaded her to stay it wouldn't have happened. Would she have arm function? Would her arm be lam? He couldn't hold back more, and the tears came. He loved her, so much. Who had done this to her? She didn't deserve it, she deserved to be happy. He looked at her; she was beautiful. Her tiny body and her eyes, her hair and her smile. He went to her bed side, stroke her over her cheek. "I..." He paused before he continued. " I love you Meredith, and I will never let anyone hurt you again." 

Derek took her hand in his, waiting, waiting for her to wake up!

* * *

**This was a short chapter, and I'm sorry for that.**

**Next chapter there will be some Merder scenes!**

**Please,read and REVIEW: ) **


	3. Chapter 3 Emotional Time

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 3**_

**_Name of Chapter: The Emotional Time_**

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

Meredith finally opened her eyes. Were where she? What had happened? 

"That was about time, you have been sleeping for hours." Cristina stood in front of her.

"Cristina? What happened why am I in a hospital bed? Cristina what's going on" Cristina looked weird at her. "You don't remember?"

Meredith stared at her. "Remember what?"

Cristina took a seat in a chair beside the bed.

"Well, you got shot outside the hospital, and you had surgery."

Meredith considered it for a moment. Now she remembered it. She had stood outside Seattle Grace not wanting to go back to Mercy West, not know what to do, and then this man from earlier had showed up. He had offered to have a drink with her, and she had said no and then... oh my goodness, he had shot her in the arm, telling her…she froze.

"Meredith, heelloo are you heeree? Cristina tried to get eye contact with her.

"You're really weird, you know. After you transferred to Mercy West you have been so…so, I don't know. Different."

Meredith didn't say anything, she just starred at her left hand.

"Can you move it?" Cristina said exited.

"I, I don't know, I haven't tried yet." Cristina was impatient.

"So try, I wanna know if you can move it." Meredith looked at her arm again.

It was bandaged so she couldn't see the scar. "I think I'll wait with that part." Meredith looked away; she could still heat the man's voice in her head.

_"Hey sweet heart, you remember me?_ _We went to high school together. I saw you at Mercy west, but don't you live in Seattle?"_ Meredith froze thinking about his name. _"I know things didn't worked so well between us, but what do you say, let's try again_. _Let me by you a drink."_ He had still been gloomy and evil, and his eyes when she had told him she didn't wanted to, when he had pulled out the gun and…no, no she didn't want to think about him.

Cristina's pager went off. "Damn it gotta go. One of the nurse paged 911. See you later."

Cristina stormed to the door almost running Derek down.

"Oh sorry Dr Shepherd, chief."

Derek nodded to Cristina as she went. Derek stepped into Meredith's room.

"Hi," he said turning to her bed.

"Hi," she said back not meeting his eyes.

"So, we have operated your left arm after a…the bulled were stuck in your central nerve, and we tried to take it out without doing more damage to the nerve. Burke stopped the bleeding and we think the nerve is okay, but only you can tell us for sure."

Meredith nodded, turning to look at her arm. "I, I haven't tried to move it yet," she said nervously.

"Okay, well will you try now?" Derek sat down at the same chair Cristina had sat in, just a minute ago. Derek looked at her. She was shaking. He could see it her eyes. There was something on her mind, something she didn't liked at all. "Mer, did you see the person who shot you? Do you know him or her?"

Meredith made eye contact with Derek.

"Yes I saw him, but I, I have never..." Meredith didn't want to tell Derek about him. That she knew him. That they had dated, that he had, hurt her. He had hit her and, and…Her eyes filled with tears. He had been using her, many times over many months, and no one had ever known about it.

She hadn't told anyone. It was almost ten yeas ago now, and when she had seen him at Mercy west she had avoided him. And now he had followed her to Seattle, after seeing her along with the other doctors taking the helicopter to SGH.

"Meredith, you can tell me, about him? I know you knew this guy, I can see it in your eyes. It's not good memories you have from him, is it?"

Meredith couldn't speak. She just nodded.

"Well, tell me when you're ready okay? Now you have to try moving your hand."

He spoke softly to her. He took his hand into hers.

"Can you try to squeeze my finger?"

Her whole hand was covered with bandage, beyond her fingers. "Ookay," she replied nervously.

She focused just about squeezing his finger, and slowly she gripped his finger, it wasn't a hard squeeze, but it was a squeeze anyway. "You did it," Derek said relived. "I have function in my left hand, Derek?" She looked at him, and met his eyes for the first time after he had come into her room.

"Yes, yes you have Meredith. Your hand will be just as normal again in some weeks." Derek smiled looking at her.

She smiled back. She hadn't smiled in weeks. After she had leaved Seattle she hadn't been happy at all. She had just missed her friends and the hospital, and him. She had missed Derek too. Missed his Mcdreamy smile, and his soft voice. She had missed him because she loved him. Before the shot she hadn't ever loved him so much. He had saved her hand. Her ability to ever use her left hand, her carrier. "Derek." Derek smiled to her. "Yes Meredith?"

"I, I just want to…to thank you. For saving my hand."

Derek looked her deep into her eyes.

"Nothing to thanks me for. I just did my job, as a surgeon chief, and…" He paused. "And boyfriend, if you still want me to be your…boyfriend." It went silent in the room. Meredith just looked at Derek. She didn't answer the question, she just stared at him.

"I…I love you Mer, and I have always loved you. But do you still love me?"

Again it went silent. Meredith was just about to say something when someone knocked on the door.

"Meredith, can we come in?" It was Izzie, and George, and Alex.

"Oh, um yeh of course, come in." The three entered and Derek stood up, ready to leave. "I will come back and check on you later." Meredith nodded, and turned to her friends who had just entered. "Hey, so how are you doing? I mean after the…I must have been..." Izzie looked at George with a "what the hell are you thinking" look. "Oh we were just stopping by to see how you're doing. Is your arm okay?"

"Can you move it?" Alex interrupted Izzie. Meredith smiled.

"Yeh, I'm fine, and yes I can move my hand. Derek, um Dr Shepherd says it will be just normal in a couple of weeks, and then I will transfer to Seattle Grace again I think."

The three of the looked surprised at her. Izzie was the first to speak.

"Oh how wonderful, I mean with your arm and it will be great having you back. I kind of missed you when you were at Mercy west and..."

George gave Izzie a push before he continued. "Yeh that's fantastic, well it will be nice having you back at the hospital." Alex pager went of, and just a second later the others went off to.

"Oh crap, it's Mr. Duff, he probably needs water, again," Alex said moving to the door. "Yeh we need to go too," Izzie and George said. "We will stop by later okay?"

Meredith nodded.

"Yeh see you."

When they had left she lay down, and closed her eyes. Right now she didn't want to think about anything at all. Right now she just wanted to listen to the rain outside. She had missed Seattle and the rain.

And soon after she fell asleep!

* * *

**So here I putted in the first Merder scenes, but I promise there will be alot of merder scenes in the upcoming chapters. **

**I will make Merder a bit apart first, so don't get angry. I promise I will NEVER do the same thing Shonda did to Merder in the last episodes of season 3: ) **

**Thats all i'm saying about the next chapters!**

**PLEASE read and remember to REVIEW: )**


	4. Chapter 4 All The Pain He Has Made

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_** Category: Romance/Drama **_

_**Chapter: 4 **_

_**Name of chapter:All the pain he has made**_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

"Dr Grey, you are discharged, and can go home now. Just remember not to use your hand until the wound has healed, and that may take a week. No water on it, and try everyday to move your fingers."

Meredith nodded. She knew it all, she was a doctor but she just let the nurse go trough the discharger papers anyway. It was afternoon, and the clock was 5.30pm.

"Okay do you have ride home? You can't drive in two months you know." Derek said coming into her room.

"Well no, but Cristina can maybe drive me…"

Derek interrupted her. "She's in surgery now, but I'll drive you."

Before she got a chance to say something more, Derek gave her his jacked. She didn't have a jacked at the hospital and since the jacked she had wear was still covered in blood after the gun shot.

They went together down the stairs and headed to Derek's car.

"But are you sure you can leave, you know since you're the chief and…"

And again Derek interrupted her.

"Well since I am the chief I can decide that."

He smiled open the door to the passenger seat for her.

The drive home was silent. None of them spoke until Derek finally said something.

"So do you want to tell me about this guy who shot you now?"

He looked at her. She didn't look at him.

"I have missed you Derek," she finally whispered.

Derek could see that she was about to cry.

"I have missed you too," he said softly as he took her hand.

"Do you remember when you told me that you were always gonna show up?"

Meredith said, looking at him. He nodded.

"You didn't. Four days before I left Seattle and transferred to Mercy west, you told me that you were coming over at the evening, but you didn't."

She looked away, didn't wanted to meet his eyes. He just nodded. He didn't know what to say, she was right. He hadn't always showed up when he had said he would. Derek stopped the car at Meredith's house. Meredith stepped out, and Derek was driving to the hospital again.

* * *

On his way back to Seattle Grace he changes his mind and drove back to Meredith's house again. He had a feeling that something was wrong. He parked the car at the other side of her house, and headed to the front door when he heard voices inside.

"You shot me, Tyler, and, and…" It was Meredith, talking to a guy named Tyler. Derek envisages it was the guy who had shot her. Now he heard that she cried.

"Please Tyler, just, just leave, please…" He heard a glass went to the floor, and broke in pieces. "Damn it Meredith, I'm not going to leave until you come with me. We had a relation ship Meredith. Don't you dare trying to say something else. It's not over between us. I know you still love me," he said with a low voice so she barley heard it.

Meredith sobbed now. "I, I can't Tyler, my job is here, and I can't quit. We can't go back together, It, it won't work out Tyler, you know that."

"Then….."

What?" she said and the sobbing stopped for a moment.

" Then…." he said again laughed now.

"I will come back, soon. I will find a way to make you come with me, trust me," he said going toward the door. She ran after him.

"Tyler please…" Just as he opened the door, he turned around and hit her in her face. "Shut up before I use my gun again. Next time I will shoot you in your head, you moron."

Derek had hided behind a tree, and as fast as Tyler was gone, he jumped forth and ran inside the house. He found Meredith sitting at the floor, sobbing as she tried to breathe normally.

"Mer, Meredith." Derek pulled his arms around her, pulling her up, and holding her tight.

"He, he's the guy…"Meredith started. "I know Mer, I know."

After she had her pulse back at normal level, he pulled her away so he could see her in the eyes.

"He hit you, Meredith. Has he hit you before?" Meredith looked at him, and tears welted up in her eyes again.

"Okay, okay," Derek said comfort her again.

She felt safe in his strong hands. She didn't want to speak to Derek right now. She wanted to be alone, but she knew he would be back soon, and she was scared. For the first time after she had seen him again, she was scared. Not that he would hit her, or hurt her. No, because she was afraid he wouldn't leave, that he would bring her back to Boston, and that he would never let go of her. That he would hurt her friends, or somebody else because of her. Because she didn't wanted to come with him.

Derek lifted her up in his arms carry her up stairs to the bathroom.

"Derek, no I can do it by my selves." Derek looked at her. He nodded, as he gave her a look before he went down th stairs to the first floor.

Derek's head was a big mess. He put his hands on his head. He had to do something for her. This Tyler would come back and hurt her again, and the last time she had almost lost the hand function, her ability to ever use her left hand. What would he do next time? No, no he couldn't let anything happen to her, not again. He had to protect her.

Derek went out the main door. It was silent, and it was start getting dark now. He looked at his watch. Almost 10.00pm. Maybe he should stay at Meredith's house for the night. Just thinking about that the guy, Tyler may show up again, made him angry. He walked around Meredith's house sometimes making sure there was no one there, and to clear his head.

At the bathroom, Meredith was finish with her shower. It had felt good with the hot shower. It had made her thinking about something else. Still she wasn't sure if she wanted to go back with Derek. She loved him, and everything, but she wasn't ready. She wasn't ready to tell him how she felt, about her and Tyler, and her once love to him.

She had loved Tyler, a long time ago. They had planning to get married in the future. Everything had been nice until he one day came to her house, and told her he wanted to get married that evening. She had of course said that it was too early, that they were too young. He had got angry, and from that day he had hit her every time he got a little bit angry, and when she had said she wanted to break up with him, he had used her, many times.

Tears felled down her check. She loved Derek so much, but she was so afraid he would do the same thing Tyler had done. The night he hadn't showed up she had gotten the same feeling she had got when Tyler one night had promised to take her out for dinner, and he had got drunk instead, letting her wait in a week before taking contact again.

That had been the first time Tyler had ever disappointed her, and she thought Derek had done the same, so she had transferred to Mercy West some days after when Derek hadn't called. Of course Derek was not like Tyler at all. Derek was kind, sweet, handsome, and did always comfort her if she needed it. But he had made a promise to her, just like Tyler had did, and he had done the same thing as Tyler. Not showing up, not calling to tell he couldn't and not contacting her in days.

She hadn't feelings for Tyler anymore; she hadn't had since she had finally left Boston ten years ago, moving back to Seattle. Now she hated him. How could he come back to screw her life again. When she had left him, he had done so much damage as he could do to her. She had been having a hard time with all the memories from him. She had finally started to heal, and then she showed up, again.

Once more he was going to screw her, and her life.

Once more she was going through the same, and maybe it would be worse this time, maybe he this time wouldn't let her go!

_Will continue!_

* * *

**So, now you know who this guy who shot Meredith is!**

**Hope you liked the idea, and as I said, I will pull Mer and Der a bit apart first, and then you just have to read and see what happens next: )**

**Enjoy, and REVIEW: )**

**And one more thing. from now on I will give the chapters name( also the first three chapters will get names soon: )**


	5. Chapter 5 Anger Becomes Love

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 5**_

_**Name of Chapter: When Anger Becomes Love**_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

When Derek came up to Meredith's room she had felt asleep. He went over to the bed, and sat down beside the sleeping Meredith.

"I'm sorry Mer. I'm sorry that I didn't always show up when I said I would. I promise it won't happen again, I promise I won't leave you, and I promise to protect you."

He bent down and kissed her check.

"I'm sorry," was the last thing he said before he went down to the kitchen. No one was home. Izzie and George were on call the whole night and Derek wouldn't let Meredith be there alone. He was going to sleep at the couch, but before he lay down he went outside to see it this Tyler had come back.

There was no one outside so he went inside again, and soon after he fell asleep at the couch.

He woke up soon after he had felt asleep. He heard sobbing from upstairs.

His heart pumped more as he ran up to her room. Was she hurt, had Tyler come back?

As he entrée the room he didn't see Meredith anywhere. Then he saw the light was on in the bathroom.

"Mer, Meredith is you in there?" Derek called.

When he didn't get an answer he moved toward the door, and slowly opened it.

When he entered the bathroom, he saw Meredith sitting at the floor with a box and a letter in her lap. She was crying, and her eyes were red.

Derek sat down next to her, holding her tight.

"Mer, what happened, what is it in the box? Who gave it to you?"

Meredith sobbed now.

"I, I can't, can't tell you," she whispered, as she still cried.

"Mer, you can tell me, you know you can," Derek said stroking her over her check.

"NO, no I can't," she said as she stand up and ran to her bedroom.

As she slammed the door shut to her room, she unlocked the box again. It was a picture of her and Tyler, 12 years ago. At the picture they were kissing. She read the letter once more time.

* * *

_To my M_

_Love is hard filled with anger_

_Love is a rose who never die_

_Love is faith and true and you_

_Love keeps us together_

_Forever and ever _

_I know you love me _

_I know you do_

_Don't try to run_

_Cause I'll come after you_

_Your T_

_PS! Ferry, Friday 11.00pm, meet me alone!_

* * *

The last sentence was stuck in her head. _Ferry Friday_, was the word they had always used. It was like a holiday for them.

_Don't try to run, cause I'll come after you_

A tear streamed down her check. What was she going to do? Meet him? Forget it?

In the box it was something more too. It was a rose a red rose Tyler always buyed to her when he felt sorry for something he had done. It was his way to tell her he regret and didn't mean what he had done.

Earlier Derek wanted to call the police. Tyler had shoot her in her arm, and he would be arrested, but Meredith had told him not to. Tyler wouldn't stop just because of the police. And one more thing, she didn't wanted something bad to happen to him. She knew he didn't shoot her on purpose. He did threaten her often about that he would shoot her if she did something, but he had never done it before outside the hospital at Seattle Grace. She knew him well, and she knew he felt sorry for it. He just loved her, but she didn't love him anymore. She loved Derek. After all he had done to her, she couldn't, and she just couldn't be with him anymore. They had been best friends in so many years. She had to meet him, explain it on a way he would understand. Yes he had used her, and hit her, but in her heart, she knew he just did it because he didn't want her to leave, and he didn't have anyone else.

How could she forgive him, she said to her selves, he had hurt her, and yet she felt sorry for him.

Poor Derek, he did his best, and she cared about the man who had shot her. She would explain everything to Derek, when it was the right time, but right now she had to take care of some past. And she knew she was the only one person who could fix it, not the police, not Derek or any of her friends, but she, Meredith. This she had to do alone, and she actually felt ready, ready to tell Tyler. She had to make up for the mess in the past before she could go on with the future. And Tyler, was the past!

Meredith putted the stuff in the box again. The letter she laid on her bedside table. Tomorrow she was going to meet Tyler, and she hadn't been more ready in her whole life to meet him and tell him, tell him everything.

Derek hadn't slept much the night before. He had thought about Meredith all the time.

But with Tyler he didn't know what to do, cause Meredith wouldn't let him call the police, and didn't wanted him to do anything with Tyler.

Meredith came into the kitchen where Derek sat and drank coffee.

"Morning," she said without looking at him.

"Morning," Derek said back.

It was silent a moment before Meredith started.

"Derek, I'm sorry. I can't tell you anything now, but I promise I will one day."

She took a seat beside him.

"Well, that day is it going to be soon, or do I have to wait forever?"

Derek was kind of angry at her. He only wanted to help her, but she was so stubborn.

"Derek. Listen. I don't love Tyler, and I'm not going to let him do anything, but you have to understand. He was my best friend for years. When I was little my mother was never there, but he was. We went to kinder garden together, we went to high school together and we were neighbors back in Boston. He was my only friend and the only one who cared about me; I have to explain it to him. I have to tell him everything or he will never understand and never let go of me, and I have to do it alone."

Meredith took a deep breath.

"I'm going to meet him tonight, and I promise if I would have decided I would bring you, but I'm not the one who decides, not this time."

Derek didn't say anything, he just nodded surprised.

"I'm going to work now,Cristina is picking me up but I'll see you there okay?" Meredith went to the door.

"Yeh," was all Derek could say.

Meredith dissappeard out the door.

He was speechless.

The only word in his head right now was Tyler, Tyler, and Tyler.

* * *

**Okay, Merder is going a little apart now, but I PROMISE I will make a big change at the end: )**

**Read, and PLEASE REVIEW: )**


	6. Chapter 6  Like in Kinder Garden

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 6**_

_**Name of Chapter: Like in kinder garden**_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

"Mr. Wellborn, I'll come back to check on you later. Try to get some rest, we will operate this afternoon." Derek left the room and headed for his office. He thought about Meredith all the time. As he went into his office Meredith sat there.

"Hi, I was going to ask you about something." Before she got a chance to continue Derek interrupted her.

"No actually I was." Derek went towards her. "I love you, and I'm not going to let you go anywhere with some one who may hurt you." He took her hand and kissed her softly.

"Derek, you know this is something I have to do, and I promise he will never understand if I'm not doing this alone. And if you do love me, you will let me do this." She gave him a quick kiss as she left.

Derek sat down, and took up a picture of Meredith. She was smiling and were a red shirt on the picture. Suddenly Bailey came into his office.

"Shepherd, there's a guy who just came in with a head trauma. He need's surgery immediately." Derek jumped up from his chair. "On my way," He said as he rushed down to the EM.

When the day was finally over, Derek was on his way up to the board when Meredith came.

"I'm leaving now. I will go meet Tyler in two hours, so I'll go home first." She turned to go to the elevator when Derek called at her.

"I won't be home before you go, but just be careful okay? And if he tries to do something, call…"

"Derek, its okay I can handle it."

She walked around a corner and was gone. Derek looked at the board. It was empty. He was finish with the surgeries for today, and had just paperwork now. He putted his hands on his head as he studied the board.

"Shep." It was Burke coming up to him. "Empty board," Derek said as he continued to stare at the board in front of him. "Yeh. So what do you say about a drink later?"

"Ruff days does always need a drink," Derek said smiling to him.

"I'm off in a half hour, what about you chief?" Burke looked at him.

"An hour, I think, just has some paperwork left." Derek had lied to Meredith when he said he wouldn't' be off before she was going to meet Tyler. He just needed some time to think, and at Joe's he could always think.

"Alright, see you at Joe's then." Burke left and Derek headed to his office to finish his paperwork.

It was getting dark when Meredith went to meet Tyler with the ferry boats.

She was ready, she couldn't wait a day longer to tell him everything, and she just hoped he would understand. As she stepped out of her car, she saw him. He was standing where there was perfect vision to the ferry boats. She took a deep breath as she went up to him.

He smiled when he saw her, but she didn't smile back.

"Tyler," she said looking him in his eyes.

"We have to talk," she continued.

"Meredith, I'm glad you shoved up. Did you get the rose?" He didn't smile now.

"Yes, Tyler, I know you're sorry okay? But this is it." He looked confused at her.

"What do you mean?"

"Tyler, do you remember when we were in kinder garden and I told you about how a man was supposed to except a woman's choices?

He was always going to except the choices she made, always show up, never do something she didn't wanted, and most important, he was never going to hurt her." When she said the last three words she saw anger in his eyes. Anger and fear, and sadness.

"And if you couldn't hold these promises, you didn't deserve her." Yet Tyler didn't even open his mouth. He just stared at her. "I have never told you this before Tyler, because I was afraid, afraid of loosing you as a friend." Meredith looked at him again. He was all silent. It wasn't how he used to be. He used to jell, if she said something like this.

"Tyler, I want you to understand. I want you to tell your selves the truth, face it. You don't love me as a girlfriend, and you can keep telling your selves that but really you just don't want to let go of me. I did love you once Tyler, but it's over, we can't keep this up anymore. Or lives has to move on, you will find another girl Tyler, and if you want to, we can go apart as friends. Maybe I will never going to forgive you for what you did to me, but I will give you a chance to do it up, do it right cause everybody deserves a second chance." She took a deep breath before she continued.

"So if you want to do the right thing, you will walk away, and I do love you Tyler, even if you have hurt me, even if you have done terrible things to me, I do love you, but just as a friend. I have found another man, and I know you will find a girl too, but you have to let go of me. I know you're not a bad person inside Tyler, so please prove to me, prove to your selves, that you can make the right decision, and you can be that good person I know you can be."

Meredith felt good. Now she finally had let it out. All the pain and all the hate, it was all out.

It was silent for a moment before Tyler finally said something.

"If I could, I would have given you all the red roses in the world. If I could I would have turn the time back, if I could, If I could..."

"But you can't Tyler. You can only make the best out if thing now."

She hadn't seen him like this in almost fifteen years. He had never been so speechless, never been so understanding, never.

"Meredith. If I had been the person I have been for ten years now, I would hit you right now, but I won't, I won't hit you again, ever."

Meredith smiled weakly. "I knew the person inside of you would come back one day."

They just stood there in the silent, Looking at the ferry boats. They had always done it back in Boston before he had started hitting her. It was like they both needed to see the sun go down one more time before they went apart, and this time for good.

"You will always be in my heart, Meredith."

She looked up at him. "You will be in mine too."

"You love him don't you?" Tyler said looking at her.

"Derek? Yes I do." She smiled. It was good the Tyler she knew so well was back.

He nodded. "He's a good man, right? He won't make the mistakes I did, I hope. You didn't deserve what I did to you, Meredith."

"Inside, I knew you didn't meant it, Tyler. I just knew it. That's why I'm here today, because I knew you would make the right decision."

She leaned against him, giving him a quick hog.

"Meredith, just do me one favor before I leave." She looked at him.

"Never forgive me."

He had always said that when they went to kinder garden, and he had done something wrong.

With that he turned around. As he started walking, Meredith called after him.

"Just like in kinder garden," she said looking after him.

"Just like in kinder garden," he said before he went around the corner and was gone.

Meredith stood there for a moment, enjoying the darkness. He was gone. She was glad, finally he had understood, finally he had let go of her, finally, finally. At the same time she was a little sad too. He had been there for her all those years when her mother hadn't, been her best friend, helped her.

But now she was finish with the past, and the future could finally step in!

* * *

**Okay, chaper 6 was alot Mer/Tyler, but next chapter will be MerDer: )**

**And sorry for the spelling errors: ( **

**PLEASE read, and REVIEW: )**


	7. Chapter 7 Just Not yet

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 7**_

_**Name of Chapter: Just not Yet**_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

Derek sat at the kitchen when Meredith came.

"Where the hell have you been? The clock is 02.30am." Derek was angry. She hadn't answer when he had called and now she came home in the middle of the night.

"Derek, I'm sorry I should have called, but I just needed some time to think first."

She went toward him.

"Well, what did he say?" Derek looked at her trying to read her.

"I told him, every thing, and well…" She couldn't tell Derek she had forgiven Tyler, so she lied instead. "He's gone now, he left." Derek looked her in her eyes.

"He just left, he didn't do anything, he didn't hit you did he?" Derek was worried. He knew Meredith didn't tell him the whole truth.

"No Derek, he didn't. Actually he's sorry; he didn't mean to shoot me…" She said.

"Meredith," He said looking at her with worried eyes.

She took a deep breath.

"Derek I'm sorry, no he didn't hit me." Derek went closer to her. "I'm sorry that you have been trough all these things, I'm sorry for leaving you and I'm sorry that I let you go last time. It's not going to happen again, I promise." Meredith took her arms around him.

" I'm sorry too," she whispered as he held her tight.

"For what," Derek said stroking her back.

"I'm just sorry," she whispered back.

When Derek finally pulled her away, and headed to the door, Meredith stopped him.

"You can sleep at my house from now on if you want to," Meredith said following him.

He smiled. "I will defiantly, but maybe we'll wait a few more days." She nodded back "Yeh, that would be nice." Derek leaned toward her giving her a quick kiss, before he walked out of the door.

"See you tomorrow," was the last thing he said before he shut the door.

As she went upstairs to go to bed, there was only one thing on her mind.

Did Derek still love her like he had before she had transferred to Mercy west?

* * *

_Next Day!_

"So you and Mcdreamy are back together?"

Cristina said as she peeled a banana.

"I, guess we are, I mean we're trying…"

Cristina laughed.

"That's not funny Cristina."

Cristina looked at her and stopped.

"It's just that you two are like egg and bacon."

"What's that suppose to mean," Meredith said looking weird at her friend.

"That means…never mind. I just know you two will soon be in each others pants."

"Cristina," Meredith stopped walking.

"What. It's true; Mcdreamy can't stay away from you. This morning when he saw you coming into the hospital he couldn't take his eyes of you."

Meredith started walking again.

"So you're not going to tell me what's going on between you?" Cristina said walking after her.

"No, yes…well I…" Bailey came up, and Meredith stopped talking.

"You two are late." Bailey said not satisfied at all.

"We were just…"Bailey interrupted them. "I don't care what you were doing, my point is that you are late, soYang get started with your rounds, and Grey," She looked at Meredith. "You're in on the bypass surgery with me."

Bailey turned around and walked away from them. "What about me Dr Bailey?"

Cristina said looking disappointed.

"EM with Karev after you have finish your rounds," Bailey called back.

Meredith smiled to her friend.

"Oh, don't try to…" Cristina said as her pager went off.

"Gotta go," Cristina said as she ran down the hall.

"I will get a better case then you, just wait and see," Cristina called back.

Meredith smiled again. Cristina was a surgery junkie.

"Are you coming Grey?" Bailey called after her. "The surgery is now, not later or tomorrow but now." Meredith hurried after Bailey. "On my way."

* * *

The day was over, and Meredith was on her way home. 

Derek hadn't called yet. As she sat in her car, ready to drive home, she got a message from Derek

_Come to my trailer at 6._

_I'll make dinner._

_D._

* * *

She had to smile. He was always full of surprises. 

It was only 15 minutes until the clock was 6, so she hadn't time to go home and change first.

When she finally arrived, it was dark, and it was difficult to find the way. She parked the car and walked the last hundred meters to his trailer.

Just when she had got out of the car, she heard someone behind her. She got a little scared. She hated the dark, and out in a wood alone was scary.

"Heello?" She said starting walking toward the trailer she could barley see in the dark.

Again she heard some foot steps behind her. Quickly she turned around, but there was no one there. She started walking faster now, and finally she stood outside the door at the trailer. She knocked at the door, and when Derek opened it she hurried inside.

"Hey," he said and smiled to her. "Hhey," she said, still a bit shaking.

"Mer, are you okay? You are shaking." Derek looked at her with worried eyes. "Um, yeh it's just this scary wood and the dark…" Derek kissed her soft. "There's nothing out there." She nodded, and he kissed her again. This time it was a long one. Soft, gently his tongue met hers.

"I've missed you," he said with a low voice.

Meredith smiled. "I have missed you too," she said smiling.

"I have made lasagna, do you like that?" Derek said looking at her. She was so beautiful. He couldn't understand that a man had hit her, and hurt a girl like Meredith. With her kind green eyes, and her smile, and her hair.

"I love lasagna," she said smiling even more.

"Good," He replied. "Did you know that I have a love list?" Meredith looked at him.

"A love list?" She said smiling. "Yes, and lasagna is the second thing I love most." As they took a seat with the small table Meredith asked him. "And what's on your first place at the list?" she said as she took a sip of her whine.

"Well," Derek started. "That must be you." Meredith looked at him with tears in her eyes.

"Really?" She whispered.

Derek smiled. "Of course, Meredith I love you."

A tear streamed down her check, and she looked away sad.

"Mer, is something wrong?"

She looked at him again. "It's just that I want to tell you back, but I can't."

He nodded understanding. "Its okay, Mer. Tell me when you're ready."

She nodded and smiled. Grateful that he was so understanding.

Derek took a bit of lasagna on his fork, and putted it into Meredith's mouth.

"Then my lasagna can be at your first place, at your love list," Derek said smiling.

"And then I can be at the first place when you're sick of lasagna." Meredith laughed and took another bit of the lasagna.

"That's a deal Dr Shepherd, just as long as I get to kiss you and not the lasagna." Derek laughed too. "Even if the lasagna is made by me, I think I'm a better kisser. Don't you think Dr Grey?"

Meredith sat closer to Derek now.

"Convince me," Meredith whispered, letting her lips touch his, gently, and soft. It was a long kiss.

Now Meredith knew she really loved him too. She loved him so much, more than she had ever loved a man before, even more than she had ever loved Tyler.

Derek was the guy for her, she just new it.

But she couldn't tell him, just not yet!

* * *

**Here I putted in some MerDer scenes, and there will be more in the next chapters: )**

**Sorry if there are some spelling mistakes.**

**This is my favorite chapter this far, hope you liked it too: )**

**PLEASE read and REVIEW: )**


	8. Chapter 8 Flat Line

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 8**_

_**Name of Chapter: Flat Line**_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

"Let's bet." Cristina came into the closet. Izzie, George and Alex looked at her weird. 

"Bet what?" Izzie said.

"I think Meredith and Mcdreamy are back together."

George looked at Alex.

"Dude, no way," Alex said leaving the closet.

Izzie tied her shoes. "I hope she is, I mean they are in love and you know…"

"Just like egg and bacon," Cristina interrupted.

"Really, you think they're back already? She left him to get some space right?"

George said looking at Cristina.

"Seriously, bambi."

Cristina shut her mouth when Meredith entered the closet.

Izzie, George and Cristina looked at her with a "what's going on" look.

"What's the matter with you guy's?" Meredith said as she took on her scrubs.

"You weren't home last night." Izzie said looking at her.

"Well, no I was…you know what I don't have to tell you," Meredith said as she met Cristina's eyes. "Oh like we don't know where you were." She smiled and looked at Izzie.

"So, did you have some hot sex with Mcdreamy?"

Meredith turned around to face Cristina.

"Seriously, Cristina."

Soon after George, Izzie and Cristina couldn't hold back anymore and started laughing hysterically.

Meredith just shocks her head.

"Okay, so we did and well were not…"

"Okay the society is over. Yang, with Burke, O'Malley you're with Dr Webber, Karev you're with…" Bailey looked at them.

"Where the hell is my last suck up?"

The interns looked at each other. "He left just before you got her Dr Bailey," George said.

"Well then Grey you're scrubbing in on Karev's surgery with Dr Shepherd.

"What about me?" Izzie said a little angry. "I want in on a surgery too." Bailey walked out of the closet. "

You're scrubbing in with me on an aneurism this afternoon. And don't let me catch you fighting with patients. The ER are full with sutures and people with bleeding, we have a lot to do so move people." They all hurried out in the hall, after Bailey. This was going to be a long day.

* * *

As they entered the ER there were people everywhere.

"Okay you know which doctor you are with, so find them and get an update."

Bailey hurried over to a bleeding patient and the rest of the interns went to find their attending.

Meredith cached Derek when he came running out of an exam room.

"Meredith, I was looking for you." He didn't smile, he looked serious.

"Oh, well I'm your intern so…"

Derek interrupted her.

"No, you can't be my intern, not today. Go tell Bailey I need Yang."

After that he left.

Meredith wondered why he was acting to weird. He hadn't even said hi to her. He had looked…Meredith couldn't find words. Why had he put her of the case? Didn't he want her in on the surgery, but in that case why?

She went down the hall as she saw Cristina.

"Cristina, you're with Dr Shepherd, we have switched."

Cristina looked weird at her. "What? Why?"

Meredith shocks her head. "I don't know, Derek just said that we have."

"Is he angry at you, I mean did you fell asleep during the sex or something? Cause when I fell asleep during sex with Burke he got really pissed of and didn't let me in on his heart transplantation and…" Meredith stopped her.

"No, I didn't, how could you think. What the hell…"

Meredith's pager went off.

"Burke right?" Meredith said.

"Yeh, he has a girl with carditis."

Meredith walked down to Burke's OR, and Cristina headed to Derek's case.

"Dr Yang, I need to talk to you for a second." Derek walked up to her.

"Dr Shepherd why did you switch me and Meredith?"

Derek looked at her for a moment; now really know if he should tell her.

"Dr Yang. The patient I have is a guy named Tyler Harrison. He's the one who shot Meredith." Cristina looked surprised at him. "Oh, oh I got it. So what happened to him?"

Derek took a deep breath. "He has been in a car accident. He has head bleedings. I need you to do something for me, okay?" Cristina nodded.

"You can't tell Meredith about this, okay? She can't know it. I also need you to get me an MRI." Again Cristina just nodded. She didn't know what to say.

* * *

"Dr Grey, what are you doing here?" Burke asked as she walked up to him. 

"Um, Bailey switched me and Cristina." She didn't tell him that it was actually Derek who had switched them.

"Okay, tell the nurses were coming, and Dr Grey." Meredith turned around.

"It's nice having you back at the hospital." Burke smiled to her, and she smiled back. At least there was one attending who smiled to her. "It's nice being back, Dr Burke," she said as she walked away!

* * *

"What happened?" Derek came running into Tyler's room. 

"He had an attack," the nurse said as she gave him air.

Derek looked at the MRI pictures. "Crap, he has a big blood clot and a slip of his memory. We need to operate now, tell them where coming."

As Derek was getting ready to operate, Cristina came into the wash room.

"Do you think he'll survive?" Cristina said putting on her own scrubs. Derek shocks his head. "It's Hard to say. But if he does, he will probably have lost his short lived memory for good." Derek stook a deep breat. How was Merdith going to react when he told her?

_Chief, Dr Shepherd, we are loosing him."_

The nurse called from the OR, and Derek hurried in with Cristina in his heals.

"Okay, Dr Yang, everybody we have to get this clots out now. Come on people, move."

"The blood clot is out, Dr Yang, how's his heat rhythm?"

"80 over 40. Dr Shepherd we don't have a pulse."

"Damn it."

Derek went around the table. "We have to shock him."

Derek's heart pumped faster. What if he loosed him? How was he going to tell Meredith? How would she response?

"Clear."

There was still no heart rhythm. "20 seconds."

Derek sweated.

"Charge to 200."

"Clear."

There was still no response. "Come on Tyler, do this for Meredith," Derek whispered.

"Charge to 300."

"45 seconds," The nurse said.

Damn it Tyler, Derek thought. If this had been just some weeks earlier, he wouldn't care if Tyler would have died, but now the last thing he wanted was him to die.

"Dr Shepherd, there's no heart rhythm," Cristina said.

"Charge again," Derek said with a loud voice.

"It's been 60 seconds Dr Shepherd…" Derek yelled.

"I said Charge again."

The nurse charged one last time.

If he didn't responded now, he would be dead.

"Come on, come on," Derek said as he looked at the compression diagram.

It was all silent in the OR. All the nurses and the doctors were waiting for the responding.

Every second he could get a heat rhythm, and every second he could die!

The only sound in the room was piping from the machine, the machine all the doctors were waiting for to show heart rhythm and pulse again. But right now it was just a flat line!

_To be continued!_

* * *

**Sorry for my ending at this chapter!**

**I like to keep the excitement up: )**

**Will update as soon as a can!**

**PLEASE tell me what you think about the chapter, I needed something dramatic to happen**

**so Tyler is back in, but this time he will be different.**

**Read and remember to REVIEW: )**


	9. Chapter 9 Never Again

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 9**_

_**Name of Chapter: Never Again**_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

"Dr Shepherd, there's no response. He's gone." 

Derek looked at the dead man who lied at the table. The guy who had hurt Meredith, the guy who had shot her, he was now dead, gone.

"Time of death 12.56."

As he walked out of the OR he thought about Meredith. How was she going to react? Would she be mad at him, for not telling her when he came to the hospital?

When Derek was on his way to his office, Burke came.

Shep, you switched my intern with yours today. Any reason?"

Derek stopped. Where's Meredith?"

Dr Burke looked at him. "What's going on Derek?"

Derek rubbed his face before he answered. "It's complicated Burke; just tell me where she is."

"She's in your office, waiting for you." Burke said as he walked away.

Derek headed to his office, and when he stepped it he saw Meredith standing with his desk.

"Why Derek?" she whispered. Derek looked confused at her.

"Why didn't you tell me this morning?" Derek walked towards her, and took his hand on her back. "You're talking about Tyler right?" He said trying to see her face.

"He died, right? In the surgery?" Meredith said turning to meet his eyes. "I'm sorry Mer, I really am. I did my best, but the blood clot…" Meredith interrupted him.

"Its okay Derek, really it is, I just wish you have told me." She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he held her tight. "He's gone, Derek. He's really gone." Derek held her tighter. They just stood there and hold each other tight, and none of them said anything.

* * *

_Love is hard filled with anger_

_Love is a rose who never die_

_Love is faith and true and you_

_Love keeps us together_

_Forever and ever _

_I know you love me _

_I know you do_

_Don't try to run, Cause I'll come after you_

"_You can't run away Meredith, you can't run away from me," he said as he laughed._

"_You know I will find you wherever you go I will find you anyway."_

* * *

"NO, NO" Meredith sat up in the bed and locked confused around her. 

It had been a dream, just a dream and Tyler wasn't there.

The trailer was dark, and silent.

"Mer?" Derek sat up.

Meredith was already out of bed, and on her way outside of the trailer.

"Meredith, where are you going? The clock is only 2.30am."

Meredith couldn't say something; cause then Derek would know that she was crying.

"Mer?"

As she shut the door close after her, she sat down at a plastic chair that always used to stay there. The tears ran down her cheek as she thought about Tyler. She didn't miss him; she didn't feel sorry for him, she was angry at him.

After all those years he had hurt her she had never cried, not a single tear. But now when he was gone, she dare to. She dare to let her feelings out. The feelings she had kept inside for so long time, she finally let out. All the pain, anger, and frustration. All the wounds that he had made, she could now begin to heal.

The tears streamed down like never before, but she didn't sub, she didn't scream. She just let the tears stream.

Derek knew she didn't feel sorry because he died, he knew that it was the pain he had made to her.

Derek got out of bed and putted on some clothes. As he reached the door, he just opened it enough to see her. He saw her where she sat; he saw her tears as they streamed down her cheek. He wasn't going to go out to her and comfort her.

He knew that she needed some time for her selves, and when she needed him, she would come to him. He was only going to show that he was there for her if she needed him, when she needed him.

* * *

When Meredith went inside the trailer again she found Derek making coffee. 

"Mer," Derek said as he turned to face her.

Her eyes were red and swollen and she looked cold. "I fine Derek, but why are you making coffee at the middle of the night?" Derek smiled. "Well I was waiting for you and thought maybe you wanted a cup." Meredith sat down with the little table. "Thanks, I need a cup I think." Derek reaches her the hot cup with coffee and took a seat beside her.

"You know, I'm here. If you need me or want to talk to me I'm here." Derek strokes her back. "Derek, I just need some time to figure things out." Derek nodded. "I know, I'm just saying it." Soon after Meredith fell asleep. Her head to Derek's chest, and her arms in his. Derek lifted her up and carried her to the bed. As he had laid her down, he lay down beside her and soon he drifted into sleep as well.

* * *

When Derek woke up next morning, Meredith was gone. 

He found a piece of paper on the desk.

* * *

_Derek_

_Had to go early to the hospital!_

_See you there!_

_M._

* * *

He wondered why she had to go early. The intern shift didn't start before 4.30 am and she had left already, and the clock was only 4.00am. 

He made coffee, took a shower and drove to the hospital an hour later.

As he headed to his office, a nurse came.

"Chief, the paper work for the day is on your desk. After that the board needs to be updated." Derek nodded. "Tell Dr Burke to cancel the bypass today, and let him know there are two people with organic heart disease who needs surgery this afternoon."

The nurse wrote it down in a book before she continued. "Oh, and Dr Bailey said…"

A voice Derek recognized very well interrupted the nurse. "Dr Bailey says she needs to talk with the chief, now." Dr Bailey came up beside them, and the nurse disappeared. "You really know how to scare people," Derek said looking down at the little women with the big mouth.

"Well some one has to take care of this mess of a hospital," she said as she started walking to Derek's office.

"Well what do you want?" Derek said as the where in his office.

"I want you to get more nurses; we need at least five or six scrub nurses. And for the record, two of my interns is missing." Derek looked weird at her. "Missing?"

"Yes, missing. Karev and Grey were sent down to the pit early this morning, and well now I can't find them." Derek looked worried at her. "Did you page them?" Bailey started walking around in the office. "If I paged them? A thousands times, at least."

Derek stood up from his chair. "Well see if they show's up later, but send them straight to my office as soon as you see them." Bailey nodded, and went out of the door. "By the way, a patient came in yesterday, and I heard somebody said that it was the guy who had shot Meredith?" Derek looked at her.

"Yes, he had been in an accident, and during the surgery he died." Bailey nodded again. "So he got what he deserved." She left the office, and Derek sat down to his chair again. "Yeh, he got what he deserved," he said to him selves. He did, bailey was right.

* * *

"Do you really think this is a good idea Alex?" Meredith said as they were almost down to the mortuary at the hospital. "You wanted to see him, and no one will see us." As Alex was about to open the door, Meredith stopped him. "Maybe we should go back this is…" Alex interrupted her. "No, were not going back now." 

As he opened the door, the feeling of death caught them. The room was all dark, and everywhere there were death people lying covered with plastic. "So what's his name again?" Alex said as he started looking for the right one. "Tyler, Tyler Harrison."

Alex went further into the room. "Ah, found it," he said as he read. "Tyler Harrison, dead 12.56…" before Alex got a chance to read more, Meredith stood beside him. "Its him Alex, can I mean can we take the…"

"The plastic off?" Alex finishes for her. "Well we can if you want to, but are you sure, I mean he will look…"

"I know Alex, its okay; I just need to see his face one more time." Alex nodded and started to pull the plastic off.

Meredith knew that if she didn't face Tyler just for the last time, he would never be out of her head. All the words and all the pain …she didn't know why, but she just knew that she had to.

When Alex had removed the plastic from is face, Meredith stopped him. "That's enough; I just need to see his face." Alex nodded. "I'll wait outside." As Alex was gone, Meredith turns to look at the white lifeless face.

Tears streamed down her cheek as she whispered all the anger.

"You hurt me Tyler, and you have hurt me for the last time," was the last thing she said before she took her hand and stroke him over his cheek. "You're not going to hurt me again. Never again, Tyler never again."

She took her hand away, took the plastic over the body and left. She felt good now. She had finally said it out to him, and this time he couldn't say something back, he could never say something back!

* * *

**Next Chaper will be Merder: )**

**HOPE you liked it so far!**

**Read and REVIEW: )**


	10. Chapter 10 Ready

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 10**_

_**Name of Chapter: Ready**_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

"Were the hell have you two been?" Bailey walked up to Meredith and Alex. 

"We, well we can't tell you…" Bailey interrupted them. "You can't tell me? You can't tell me what you two where doing that were more important than doing your job?"

Meredith looked at Alex not know what to say.

"Well, then you can go tell the chief. He's waiting for you at his office. And after that, you two can spend the day in the pit doing the sutures; the chief will give you the other punishes." She walked away and Meredith and Alex stood looking at each other.

"We have got us into a big mess," Alex said as they made their way to the chief's office.

* * *

"Come in." Meredith and Alex entered the office. 

"So, can one of you tell me where you have been?" Derek said looking serious at them.

"I think Meredith want to tell you alone, I'll wait outside."

Alex went outside, and Meredith sat down. "Derek," Meredith looked at him.

"Why did you go early this morning? Has it something to do with where you were now?" Meredith nodded and tears showed up in her eyes. "I'm sorry Derek, we did something we shouldn't have done, but I just needed to, I just needed to see…"

Derek stood up and walked around his desk to give her a hog. "Mer, did you go to the mortuary?" Meredith just nodded and took her arms around him.

"I just needed to see him one more time." Derek strokes her softly at her back.

"I understand, Mer but you know Bailey. She won't be happy about it, but I have to tell her."

She didn't say anything. As she pulled away Derek gave her a quick kiss. Meredith smiled.

"You know you can't kiss me at work Derek." Derek smiled back. "I'm the chief, so I decide that."

Meredith turned to the door. "I have to get down to the pit before Bailey explodes," she said smiling again.

"Shall I send Alex in?" Meredith said before opening the door. "Yes, I have something to say to him." Meredith nodded as she leaved. "Oh, and I'll see you after work, my place today?" Meredith said, and after a nod from Derek she shut the door.

Derek sat down again. He wanted to ask why Meredith wanted to see Tyler again, but he wanted her to tell him when she was ready. He wanted to give her time, he knew she deeded it.

"Chief?" Alex came in. "I know where you were, and why, but I need you to do a favor for me." Alex nodded.

"I need you to look after Meredith, and don't let her go down to the mortuary again." Alex nodded again. "Okay, sure." And then he disappeared.

Derek didn't thought she would go down there again, but just for sure he wanted somebody to stop her and he wasn't there to do it so Alex had to. Derek sat down do start his paperwork for the day. He had a lot to do, and Bailey wouldn't be happy if he didn't get more nurses soon.

* * *

"So, Mrs. Darrel, what happened to your arm?" Meredith said as she washed the bleeding cut.

"I was cutting salad, and then I suddenly cut in my hand instead." Meredith looked at her. "But the cut is right under you elbow, how did you do that?" Mrs. Darrel looked at Meredith with sadness in her eyes.

"My right eye hasn't been so good lately and when I was making lunch today I could barley see anything with my right eye. First I just thought I had just got something on it, but after I cut my selves…"She shook her head.

Meredith nodded. "Okay, so Mrs. Darrel, I will get an attending to look at it. We have a brilliant Nero surgeon Dr Shepherd. He's also the chief, and he's a very nice man. I will page him." The women nodded.

"Dr Grey?" Derek came up to her. "You paged?"

"Yes, I have this woman Hailey Darrel. She has cut her selves in her arm after making a salad, and the cut is right under her elbow." Derek interrupted her. "Her elbow?"

"Yes, and she said she has barley seen something with her right eye lately. So I think you should take a look at her eye." Derek nodded, and they walked up to the woman.

"Mrs. Darrel, I'm Dr Shepherd. Dr Grey told me that your left eye hasn't been good lately, so we will take you for a CT. But first I have to ask you, how long have your eye been like this?"

The woman looked down. "About three months now, but when I made lunch today I could barley see something at all, and it has never been that bad." Derek nodded and took a look at her eye. "I can't see that there are any changes in the pupil, but a CT will show us if there's a reason that you don't see well at your right eye."

"Oh, so what do you think it can be? I mean is it serious?" Derek looked at Meredith.

"Well we won't know for sure before we have the CT, but It can only be something that will go away by it selves. But it can also be a tumor at your nerve." The woman nodded. "Okay, so when are you taking me to the CT?"

"As soon as possible," Derek said before went to the door. "I will go and schedule a CT, and then Dr Grey will take you to the CT room. If you have any questions Dr Grey will page me, okay?" Derek turned to give the woman a smile, and then he looked at Meredith and gave her a smile too. Derek went out the door and was gone.

"You have right, Dr Shepherd is nice," the woman said smiling. She was about 35 years, had long blond hair, and dark blue eyes. She reminded Meredith about her friend at high school, Mary Beckon.

"I will come back and check on you later, okay?" Meredith left the room, and headed for the cafeteria. She had to find Cristina. She had so much on her head and she needed to tell someone, and Cristina was the perfect person to tell.

* * *

"Elbow?" Cristina said looking weird at her. 

"Yes, her right eye hasn't been good lately she said, and when she cut her selves under the elbow when she made a salad, she did barley see at all."

Cristina took a bite of the sandwich. "So you're in on the surgery?"

"We won't know if there's a tumor yet..." Cristina interrupted her. "She cut her selves right under her elbow, she is having a tumor," Cristina said looking serious.

Meredith looked down at her food. "You know the guy who shot me last week?" Cristina nodded.

"He died under a brain surgery yesterday. He had been in a car accident." Cristina lifted her eyebrows. "Oh, that guy?" Meredith looked weird at her. "You know him?"

Cristina looked guilty. "Yeh, well I… I was in the surgery with Shepherd and…"

Meredith looked angry at her. "You know he died and you didn't even tell me?" Cristina took up her banana and started playing with it. "Well, yeh I mean Shepherd told me not to, and well…"

Meredith's pager went of. "Its Mrs. Darrel, she's going to the CT now." Meredith went up to Mrs. Darrel's room, finding an older woman with her.

"Oh, you must be Dr Grey," the older woman said shaking her hand. "Yes, I'm going to take Hailey to the CT now, and you are?"

The older woman smiled. "I'm Ann Darrel, I'm Hailey's aunt." Meredith smiled and turned to Hailey. "Mrs. Darrel, I'm going to take you to the CT and after an hour we will get the results who will tell us what's coursing the bad sight at your right eye."

The older Mrs. Darrel looked at her niece. "I will wait for you," she said as Meredith and Hailey Darrel went out of the room.

* * *

The day was over and Meredith sat in Derek's car, waiting for him. Derek said she didn't get to drive yet, because of her arm. 

"Hey," Derek said as he took a seat in the car. "So Darrel is going home tomorrow?" Meredith said smiling to him. "Yeh, the tumor is gone, so we're keeping her tomorrow just to be sure." Meredith nodded. "So we need to talk," Meredith said looking out the window. "Yes," Derek said and they drove home in silent.

Meredith knew she had to tell Derek what she had on her mind, and she felt ready to tell him something she had wanted to tell him in months. He had told her, and now she felt ready to tell him back, she had to tell him back and she wanted to. Tyler was gone, out of her life, forever and she had said goodbye, told him everything she had wanted to tell him in so long time.

It had felt good to tell him, even if he was dead when she told him, it was like he had heard her. Her new life could finally start. She knew she was ready, ready for everything.

* * *

**SORRY,SORRY I PROMISE Merder scenes next: )**

**I was planning to put the Merder scenes in here, but I desided to go for the next chapter!**

**PLEASE read and REVIEW: )**


	11. Chapter 11 I'll Tell You Everything

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 11**_

_**Name of Chapter: I'll Tell You Everything**_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

Meredith and Derek sat with the table at the kitchen. It was quiet in the big house. Meredith got a cup coffee and took a sip before she started.

"Okay, I want to tell you everything that has happened since I met Tyler. I don't want to lie to you, so I'm going to tell you from the beginning. Please just listen, and when I'm finish you can speak." Derek nodded and took a sip at his coffee.

"Okay, so..." Meredith didn't know how to start, but decided to tell him how they had first met.

"When we moved to Boston I was around five years. Tyler lived in the house next to us, and we went to kinder garden together. After high school Tyler asked me to be his girlfriend, and first I thought he just wanted to have a "girlfriend" but he meant it. After a while we broke up, and when I was 18 we got together again this time more serious."

She took a break before she continued. "After some years we really fell in love with each other and well…"

She stopped again, not know if she wanted to tell him. "And?" Derek said looking curious.

"I got pregnant," Meredith whispered. "I wanted you to know, and I felt that I had to tell you. I don't want to keep secret's for you Derek, and…" Derek took her arm.

"It's good that you're telling me this Mer, and I'm agreeing we can't lie to each other." Meredith looked down. "When I knew it, I didn't tell Tyler. I couldn't have a baby at 18, and my med school and everything, so I…had an abortion." Derek lifted his eyebrows. "You never told him did you?" Derek asked.

"No, no I didn't. Not before…"

"Not before the mortuary?" Derek said, reading Meredith's mind.

"Yeh, I…It sound's crazy to talk to dead people, but I just had to…"

"I understand," Derek said with a little smile at his face. "I know you had to, and its fine."

Derek kissed her, soft quick before he stood up. "Want to get out to dinner?" Meredith had to smile too now.

"Dinner sounds great." She ran upstairs to get dressed and Derek called after her. "Put on something gorgeous, and I'll take you to a special place." Meredith smiled from ear to ear. "Okay, everything for you Dr Shepherd."

* * *

Derek sat ready in his car, hoping Meredith was ready for this. He had wait for weeks to do this and wanted her to be ready before he moved forward. Tyler was gone, he knew it and Meredith knew it. Derek turned to see Meredith stepping into the car. "Where are we going?" Derek smiled mysterious. "Can't tell you." 

He had ordered a table a special place where he knew Meredith would like it. Everything was ready, and when they stepped out of the car, he banded a shawl over her eyes so she couldn't see where they were going. "Derek," Meredith said reaching for him. "Why do I have to have this over my eyes?" Derek smiled and took her arm. "Wait and see."

* * *

Derek took her up to the top, and after a quick talk to the waiter, he found the table. It was outside with the perfect view to Seattle, and the ferry boats. Derek took her shawl away from her eyes. 

"Oh, Derek…its, its beautiful." Meredith turned to meet his eyes. "You did all this for me?" Derek lent toward her, and kissed her gently.

"Everything for you Dr Grey," He said laughing. Meredith turned to look out over the ferry boats. "It's so… did you know after all the years I have lived in Seattle I have never been to the Space Needle before?" She turned to him again.

"Well, you're hungry? The food is ready." Meredith smiled turning to the cozy table.

"I'm very hungry actually."

* * *

As they sat and ate their steak, Derek only thought about one thing. Was he going to do it or not? 

It was a beautiful night. The sky was clear and it was almost dark now. it was quiet, and the moon was up.

"Thank you," Meredith whispered as she sat close to Derek. "Nothing to thank for," Derek said holding her tighter.

He was going to tell her, everything. he stood up, and took her arm to make her doing it too.

They stood close, and looked in each others eyes.

"Meredith when I met you, it was like I knew it, knew that it was you, that you was the one for me. The first time I saw you I felt like I've never been happier. You're always making me smile, even if I have a bad day. Every time I see you I melt inside, and when you're not there I'm thinking about you. You're so incredibly stubborn, keep's me in line, your hair smells so good, and you're a kind talented girl.

You have a big heart, even for the small person you are, and I love you. I love you more than a thousands words, more than I have ever loved a person before. You're it for me Meredith; I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I will promise to love you and take care of you, and be there for you whenever you need me.

Meredith I'm ready to take a step forward and I hope you are too. I have loved you from the first time I saw you, and I will always love you."

Derek stopped and looked Meredith in her eyes. He knew it now. He knew he was going to do it.

He took out a little box from his jacked, and opened it.

"Meredith Grey; will you marry me?"

_Will be continued!!_

* * *

**Sorry for the short chapter!**

**Hope you liked the idea: )**

**Read, enjoy and REVIEW: )**


	12. Chapter 12 This Kiss

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 12**_

_**Name of Chapter: This Kiss**_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

_(Meredith Grey; will you marry me?)_

Derek stood on his knees waiting for an answer from Meredith.

Meredith was speechless. Derek had just asked to marry her, he had and...Oh my god, she thought. She loved him so much, and wanted him. Meredith got tears in her eyes. Derek looked worried. Was she going to say no?

Her tears fell down her cheek, and a smile planted on her mouth.

"Derek, I, I…Yes Derek yes I want to marry you…" Before she got a chance to say something more, Derek putted the gorgeous ring at her finger and stood up. Derek smiled back before he lifted her up and swung her. She laughed, he laughed.

"I love you so much Meredith." Meredith smiled as more tears welted down her cheek. It was happy tears, she was happy very happy. "Derek Shepherd," she said leaning against him.

"I love you too. So much…" Derek interrupted her, and his lips met hers. Meredith jumped inside. She had never felt like this before. Kissing Derek had never been more wonderful, more fantastic. Now she knew it. Meredith wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Derek, I love you so much, and you have no idea how I have wanted to tell you and…" Derek pushed her away, but just as much as he could see her eyes.

"I know Mer; I have seen it in your eyes all the time. And I love you too." Derek hogged her, and held her tight.

"Thank you so much for believing me Derek. I knew you would understand, and this I just…and the beautiful ring and…"

Derek felt his tears was about to come too. "A beautiful ring for a beautiful girl," He said as he kissed her again. She had said yes, and now she said she loved him. Derek's heart jumped.

"Oh and there's one more thing," he said a little secretive.

"What?" Meredith said looking at him with big eyes. Derek winked at the waiter, and suddenly three men came towards them. One of them had a bottle of champagne, one of them had a big cake, and the last one had a present in his had.

"Derek what's going on?" Meredith whispered. Derek leaned to her, and gave her a quick kiss.

"You though I had forgot?" he said with a big grin. "Forgot? Forgot what?" Meredith said still looking very confuse.

Suddenly Derek together with the three men started singing the birthday song. Meredith felt tears streaming down her cheek as she watched them. No one had ever song the birthday song to her. When she was a little kid, Tyler had never been at her birthdays and her mother was never home. As they had sung finish, Derek gave her the present.

"Happy birthday Meredith," he said reaching her the present. "Derek, this is..." She hadn't words. All this he had done to her, he had even remembered her birthday that she had almost forgot her selves. "Open it," he said smiling.

Meredith looked from him and down at the red present. As she tears of the paper, she almost lost her breath. "Derek, oh my…"

Derek took her arm. "What do you think?" He said as he saw the expression of her face.

It was a picture of the most gorgeous wedding dress Meredith had ever seen, and on the top of it, it was a beautiful jewel.

"I don't have words Derek," she said as more tears ran down her cheek.

Derek smiled. "But don't misunderstand. It doesn't mean that we need to get married now or anything," he said a little scared that Meredith would freak out.

She smiled. "I don't have words to you Dr Shepherd, but I have this," she said as she leaned to him, and their lips met.

"This kiss worth more than every word in the world Meredith," And Derek meant it too. He had never got a kiss like that before. A kiss had never been so perfect. This kiss told him what she felt for him.

"So, what do you say? Cake and champagne?" Derek took her big grin as a yes, and he went to get the champagne.

For your birthday and our first day as engaged." Derek took the glasses with champagne and gave one to Meredith. After they had drunk the champagne, Derek got some cake to them. He putted some cake at his fork and putted it in Meredith's mouth. "You know what?" Meredith said looking at the cake, and then at Derek.

"I think my love list is a little changed."

"Yeh?" Derek said taking a bit of the cake.

"Yes, I have switched the second and the first place. So that means you're on the first and your delicious lasagna is on second." Derek had to laugh. "Oh that was good, but I think my lasagna is pretty good to have in case anyway."

Meredith laughed too. "Yes, probably, but I think I found out that you were the better kisser," Meredith said taking a bit of the cake too.

When the waiter came back, the clock was almost 12.00am, and he told them that they closed now. Meredith and Derek walked happily out of the elevator door in the first floor.

Meredith carried her jewel around her neck and with the ring safely on her finger.

"So," Derek said when they were outside.

"This has been an incredibly night; Meredith said smiling and looking up at the top of the Needle. Derek lent toward her, to kiss her but Meredith pushed him away.

"If you want a kiss, you have to catch me first," she said and started running up into the park. Derek watched her, and soon after he ran after her. He could hear that she was laughing.

This was his Meredith. This was the woman and his love of his life. When he finally catches her, he swung her up in his arms.

"Derek," she said laughing more. Derek kissed her. It was long, soft gently, and Meredith could feel that she was happy. Happy like ever before. She had found the right guy for her. She had found him a long time ago, but first now she realized it.

This kiss told her, this kiss told him. They were meant for each other!

* * *

**Hope you liked this chapter. I was hard to write, but you deserved it: )**

**PLEASE tell me what you think about it. I will post more tomorrow If I can: )**

**Read, and PLEASE REVIEW : )**


	13. Chapter 13 There's Still A Chance

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 13**_

_**Name of Chapter: There's Still a Chance**_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

"What?" Cristina said, still looking shocked at Meredith's finger. 

"He proposed," Meredith said once more.

"Who proposed?" Izzie came up to them.

"Derek proposed, and you said yes?" Izzie took Meredith's hand to look at the ring.

"I told you, they're just like egg and bacon. Can't stay away from each other, and…"

Meredith looked weird at her two friends. "Why are you always talking about egg and bacon?" Cristina shook her head. "I don't."

"So, was it romantic?" Izzie said still looking at her ring. "Yes, I mean we were at the needle and he even remembered my birthday…" Cristina and Izzie looked at her before they looked at each other. "You forgot Mer's birthday? Cristina?"

"I forgot? You forgot too and…" Izzie interrupted her. "Yes, but you're her best friend and you're supposed to know…" Meredith shook her head. "Izzie, Cristina please stop it. None of you could know cause I have never told you, okay?" Izzie and Cristina stopped. "So when are you getting married?" Izzie said looking exited. "Seriously, Iz. We are going to take it slow, and we're going to wait until I'm finish with the internship."

"Mer, your engaged?" George came up to them. "Dude, Shep finally proposed," Alex said coming to their table. "Just the matter of time before the whole hospital knows," Cristina said eating a banana. "You are so lucky. If someone that I love had proposed to me, I would have been in heaven now." Izzie had a big smile at her mouth.

Suddenly the pagers went off. "Bailey wants us all down in the pit." They stood us and walked down to the ER together.

* * *

"Chief?" Bailey came into his office. "What the hell have you done with my intern?" Derek looked up from his papers. "What?" Bailey came further into his office. "My intern, Meredith Grey. What have you done?" Derek looked shocked. "Oh don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about." Derek stood up. "What do you mean, I haven't done anything…" Before he got a chance to say something more, bailey interrupted him. 

"So why is she missing, and why does my other suck up's saying she went to see you?" Derek shook his head. "I haven't seen her all day, she hasn't been here." Bailey disappeared out the door, and before closing it, she replied. "Then you go find her." She locked the door leaving Derek alone in his office. What did she mean? What was wrong with his fiancée? His Meredith?

* * *

Meredith sat outside the hospital. They had called from the nursing home; her mother was on the way to the hospital. Meredith had just hung up when she heard it, and had run outside. She couldn't face her mother, she just couldn't. Suddenly the rain come, but Meredith didn't care. She just sat there, and tried to think about something else, but her mother's voice still screamed in her head. _"You're no more than ordinary. Get the hell out of my way, and stop bothering me at work. I don't want to see you again. I should never have a kid."_

Meredith couldn't hold back more, and the tears came. It started raining even more, but she didn't care.

"Damn it. Damn you mom, damn it," Meredith was angry, and sad and hurt.

Derek went down to the first floor when he saw Meredith sitting outside in the rain. What had happened? He thought as he walked out to her.

"What's wrong, Mer why are you sitting her?" Meredith didn't see him, and gave a sudden start when he spoke.

Derek could see the tears even if it was raining. "Let's go inside," Derek said taking her hand.

"No, no not inside. I, I can't, can't see her," Meredith said as she sobbed. Derek didn't know why she didn't want to, but he couldn't let her stay here.

"Mer, just to my office and then you can tell me what's wrong." Meredith stood up, but when Derek started walking she ran to her car. Derek noticed her, and ran after to stop her.

"Meredith, you can't drive yet, and you have work waiting for you." Meredith didn't listen to him and found the key to open the door. Before she got a chance to sit inside, Derek took both of the hands and pulled her close to him. He stood and held her with his arms and looked her in her eyes.

"Meredith you can't drive, you have to tell me what's wrong. I won't let you go before you tell me. It didn't rain anymore and Derek still looked at her. "Tell me Mer, what's wrong."

She shook her head. "I don't want to do this, but if you don't come with me inside again, I'm going to carry you." Meredith started to go to the door, and Derek followed after her.

Up at Derek's office Meredith sat down in a chair. She didn't say a word and Derek was worried about her. Derek's pager went off.

"Mer, I have to go, but you stay here. I'll tell Bailey your not working today, but don't go anywhere I'll be back soon." He shut the door behind him, and went down to the pit.

"Bailey, you paged?" Bailey came up to him. "Yes, Shepherd its Ellis Grey." Derek lifted his eyebrows. "Oh, what's wrong?"

Bailey looked a little sad. "She's into surgery with Burke but she's almost gone, Derek does Meredith know?" Derek rubbed his face. "I think she does, well do you need me somewhere?" Bailey shook her head. "Not yet, I'll page if we need you."

Derek nodded and walked to his office. He needed to speak with Meredith.

As he opened the door to his office he found Meredith still sitting in the same chair.

"Mer," he said taking a seat beside her. "Your mother is in the hospital, but you know don't you?" Meredith nodded, still silent. Derek took her hand and looked her in her eyes.

"She's in surgery with Burke, after the left heart aorta broke." He took a deep breath before he continued.

"looks bad, but she can still survive, Mer there's still a chance." Meredith felt her body started to shake, and tears streaming down her check. "Derek," she said as he took his arms around her. "She will die Derek, would she?" she said before she started to sob.

Derek held her tighter and strokes her over her back.

Meredith wasn't sure if it was the fact that she was angry at her mother, or if she was scared that she would die, she cried. She had Derek, and she was more than happy about that. She loved him so much, and he was here for her, always.

She held her arms around her neck, and let her head lean against his chest. But there was still a chance, still a chance she would wake up, and be lucid.

Right now she was alive, and right now there was still a chance, but she could also die any minute, soon!

* * *

**Should Ellis Grey die, or live???**

**Tell me what you think she**** should,by REVIEW**

**Will update SOON: )**


	14. Chapter 14 Any Second

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 14**_

_**Name of Chapter: Any Second**_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

Derek came back to his office. He had been down talking to Bailey. As he took a seat with Meredith again, she could see it on his face. "Mer, Burke did everything he could but the aorta was…there was nothing he could have done it was too much... Meredith your mother died 15.38."

Meredith stood up. "She's, she's…" The tears came again, and she could barley stand up. Derek stood up and took her arms.

"Mer, you need to breath," He said as he held her with his strong hands. Meredith started sobbing and collapsed in Derek's hands. She didn't know if it was loosing her mother that made her sad, or if it was all the memories and that her mother died without really knowing her. She didn't know she had become a doctor, she didn't know she had a boyfriend who now had become her fiancée.

She didn't know how she was; all she remembered was her like a five year old girl. She remembered Richard and she even remembered her scrub nurse Liz Fallon, but she didn't remember her daughter.

She didn't remember her, and that made Meredith sad. As more tears streamed down her cheek she thought about Derek. She had Derek, she would always have him.

"Derek?" She whispered. "Yes?" He replied still holding her. "I love you," she whispered, and she pushed back so she could see his eyes. "I love you to Meredith," he said as he strokes her cheek.

"You have no idea how much," he said smiling. She leaned to him and gave him a kiss. "Mer, you want to see her?" Derek said looking serious. She shook her head.

"No, I don't need to. She's dead, gone." Derek nodded. "She will always be in my heart, and I love her and I know she loved me too, but she never shoved me. She never told me, but I know she did. She's resting now, and I'm okay. I think she has it better now than she has had it in years."

Meredith gave him a smile back. "She's finally out of my life, but she's still in my heart." Derek gave her a hog. "I know, I know," he said.

* * *

Derek and Meredith left the hospital some hours later.

"No funeral?" Derek said looking at her. "No, she didn't want that," Meredith said shocking her head. "So, the trailer?" he said smiling. "Yes, the trailer," she said smiling back. As they drove home, Meredith leaned back in the seat.

She was thinking about the day. She was really tired and closed her eyes. The sound of the engine was relaxing and soon after she drifted to sleep.

Derek didn't want to wake her up, so he carried her inside the trailer and lay her down in the bed.

Derek sat down at the coach. Being chief was hard. After Richard went to Europe he was the only one who was responsible for the surgical floor. Being chief was like Richard had said; you have to choose between job and private life, family when you're chief. Doing

both are impossible, he had said. Derek shook his head, stood up and walked over to the bad were Meredith lay sleeping peaceful. He undressed, and lay down next to her. She was so beautiful.

Even when she was sleeping he could feel his heart pumped faster. He knew she would always come before work. He will always prefer her over his job, always. He leaned down and gave her a quick kiss on her forehead.

"I love you," he said and putted his arms around her and drifted to sleep him selves.

* * *

When Derek woke up next morning he couldn't see Meredith anywhere. Then he heard the shower was on. He stood up, and made some coffee. When Meredith got out of the shower Derek walked over to her. "Good morning sweetie," he said kissing here.

"You're up?" She said a little surprised. "I made coffee, you want some?" He said walking over to the coffee machine. "Yes, thanks," she said starting to get dressed.

"So, how are you today, I mean do you need a day off?" Meredith smiled to him. "No, I'm fine."

Derek nodded giving her a cup. "You know, if you want to talk about it I'm here." Meredith leaned to him, and gave him a long kiss. "I know Dr Shepherd, and I'm fine." Derek had to laugh.

"Will you ever stop calling me Dr Shepherd?" Meredith laughed too. "Maybe, maybe not."

When they came to the hospital Meredith suddenly froze. Derek stopped the car, but Meredith just sat there staring at the hospital. Derek new she had some memories from the day before, and took her hand in his.

"It's okay Mer, I'm here with you," he whispered still holding her hand. Meredith nodded and looked at him. "I'm okay, it's just…nothing I'm okay." She opened the door and stepped out. It was cold, but it didn't rain.

_She's gone, she's gone she's not there anymore, _voices said in her head. She closed her eyes for a second. Derek walked over to her and took her hand. "You're ready?" He said looking worried. Meredith smiled to him. "I'm ready."

As she came into her looker room she found Cristina and Izzie talking. "The legend is gone, Ellis Grey. You know it is a shame…"

Izzie interrupted Cristina. "Poor Meredith, she's finally happy and then sudden her mother dies." They become both silent when they saw Meredith. "Hey, Mer, uhm…how are you?" Izzie said looking a little guilty. Meredith smiled.

"I'm fine, really." Cristina nodded, and Bailey came into the locker.

"Okay, Yang, Karev get an EEG on patient at room 2407. Grey, O'Malley you're getting an EKG, and an ERCP at patient room 1462. Okay move people, were having a rush day." They stormed out of the room, and Bailey made her way to the chief's office.

"Um, Mr. Greg you have what we call an angina pectoris, and we to take you to an EKG now."

Mr. Greg looked incomprehensible at Meredith and George. "What does that mean?" "That means that the pain you have had in breastbone is causing heart spasm, and that means you may have anemia. It can also be calcinations in the crane artery because of anemia, but we can't know for sure before we have an EKG."

Mr. Greg looked confused. "Okay, so that you are saying is?" "That we are saying is that you may have a heart disease, and need surgery." Mr. Greg nodded. "Okay, so when would you know for sure what it is?" "We will know about two hours after the EKG." "When are you taking me to this EKG?" Mr. Greg asked looking at Meredith.

"As soon as possible. First we have to page or cardio specialist, Dr Burke." Meredith and George leaved the room and went to find Burke.

"So how are you doing, I mean about your mother and…" George said looking at her. "I'm fine George, let's just find Burke." George nodded.

* * *

Derek sat at his office. The day was over, and he had been in a seven hours surgery. He was waiting for Meredith. They had planned to meet at his office, but she hadn't showed up yet.

"Chief?" Cristina came into his office. "Yang, what can I do for you?" Derek said looking at her.

"Uhm, I'm not here to…it's, well I'm here to tell you something…and it's…" Derek interrupted her.

"Get to the point please." Cristina nodded. "Yes of course. It's Meredith." Derek stood up. "Is she okay? Has something happened?" Derek walked over to her. "Um, she's. Derek I think you want to see it your selves." Derek lifted his eye brows.

"Okay? So where is she?" Cristina hesitated before telling him. "She's, she's…" Suddenly someone knocked at the door.

"Shepherd?" It was Alex coming in. "Derek and Cristina turned to see him. "It's Meredith." Derek started to get angry.

"Can somebody tell me were the hell she is?" Alex looked at Cristina. "Follow me," Alex said starting walking. Derek ran after.

Was something wrong with her? Was she hurt? Derek's head was a big mess.

"Tell me what's wrong with her," he begged Alex. Alex just looked at him and shook his head. "You see your selves," he said keep walking.

Derek didn't know were she was or is there was something wrong with her, but he did know that it wasn't something good. "Were here any second," Cristina said as they walked out of the elevator.

Any second, Derek replied in his head. Any second!

* * *

**Sorry for not updating before!**

**So I decided to let her die. I think it was the best for them both!**

**Next chapter I will have up soon: )**

**Read and remember to REVIEW!!**


	15. Chapter 15 Because I Have You

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 15**_

_**Name of Chapter: Because I Have You**_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

Derek followed Alex and Cristina into the locker room. As they entered, they saw Izzie and George standing outside the door to the bathroom.

"Mer, please," Izzie begged. "What's going on?" Derek said coming up to the door where Izzie and George stands. "She's, she won't…" before Izzie got a chance to say something more, George interrupted.

"Her father came to the hospital earlier because of Ellis Grey, and…He said something to Meredith, we don't know what and…" Cristina came up to them. "He told her to stay away from him, and don't bother him with Ellis or her selves. He said he was tired of her, and…" Alex interrupted. "And then he hit her."

When Derek heard that he got angry. "Meredith, open the door," Derek said knocking on it. He didn't get an answer, and tried again. Suddenly the other intern's pagers went of.

"Uh, we need to go, there ER is full," George said as they left. Derek rubbed his face and tried again.

"Mer, please just open the door. It's just me her now." He heard someone moving inside at the bathroom, and the door opened. Derek saw Meredith sitting at the floor.

She looked like a mess. First her mother had died, and then her father won't have her in his life, not to dimension that he'd hit her. Derek stepped inside and closed the door behind him. As he sat down next to her he could see that she had been crying.

She was red at her left cheek after Thatcher had hit her. Derek took his hand and placed it on Meredith's cheek.

"He hit you Meredith," he said as he strokes her softly over her face. Tears came up in her eyes again, and fell down her cheek.

"He doesn't want me to be his daughter Derek," She whispered. Derek putted his arms around her. She leaned down and rested her head at his chest. "I'm sorry," He whispered as she sobbed into his shirt.

He felt sad for her. First her mother died, and now this. "I'm okay," Meredith said pulling away from Derek.

"No your not," Derek said looking worried at her. "Derek I am okay. You know why?" She said smiling.

Derek shook his head. "Because I have you," she whispered, and leaned towards him.

* * *

Derek and Meredith left the hospital for the day. "So what do you say? Want to go Joe?" Derek said.

"Meredith smiled and nodded. "Yes, that would be great. But can we drive to my place first?" Derek nodded, and they took a seat in the car.

"So when can I drive again?" Meredith said looking at him. "Well, in one week you should be ready. That reminds me of something. I have to take you for a CT tomorrow and check you arm."

Meredith looked at her arm. Was she going to tell him? She shook her head thinking about something else.

"Are you okay?" Derek said looking at her. "I'm fine," She said smiling. She knew something was wrong with her hand, but she could still operate. She shook her head; she didn't want to think more about her arm today.

* * *

_Beep, beep, beep, beep._

Meredith leaned over her bed to turn of the alarm. It was 4.30am and she had rounds in an hour.

"What time is it?" Derek said rolling over to her bedside. "4.30, my shift starts in an hour." Derek opened his eyes, and leaned down to kiss his fiancée. "Derek, stop it," Meredith said laughing as Derek hovered her.

"I have to go take a shower," she said and went out of bed. "I can join you," Derek said smiling. Meredith looked at him with a "shut up" look. "What? You don't want me in the shower with you?" Derek said still smiling.

"No, get dressed and go down and make some breakfast." Derek grinned. Meredith was always so bossy, kept him in line. He loved her even more when she was bossy. With Meredith in his thought, he almost collided with George who came out of his room.

"Oh, good morning Dr Shepherd," He said and walked toward the bathroom.

"Morning," Derek said as he went downstairs. At the kitchen he met Izzie. "Good morning," Derek said.

"And what are making?" he said looking curious at her. "I'm making crème Dechilio," she said proud.

"Crème what?" Derek replied as he took a cup coffee. "It's Italian, I don't really know what it is, but I wanted t try something new." Derek took a seat and started to eat his muesli.

"I'm never going to understand me at that girl," he mumbled. "So, how's Meredith doing? Her father was really…" Derek looked up from his newspaper.

"She's fine I think, but I don't think she wants to talk about it." Izzie nodded and started to scrutinize the recipe again.

* * *

"_Dr Grey to room 3146, Dr Grey to room 3146."_

Meredith looked at her pager. It was Derek. He wanted to have a look at her arm, but he couldn't. If he took a look at it, he would see that something was wrong with it.

"Grey, I paged you," Derek came up to her. "Yes, I had a patient;" she lied.

"So can I take a look?" Meredith got a little panic. "Oh, you know what? Dr Wayne took a look at it this morning and everything is normal." Meredith lied again. "Okay, but I would like to check it my selves," Derek said looking a little weird at her.

"You know, it's no need to. Bailey needs me in the ER, I'll see you later okay?" Meredith hurried down the hall. Derek stood looking at her. Why was she acting so weird? Why wouldn't she let him take a look at her arm? Derek shook his head, and walked down to his office.

* * *

"Grey, where the hell have you been?" Bailey came up to her. "I have paged you," she said.

"Yes, I had to do something." Bailey turned to the other interns.

"Stevens you take Mr. Clint to Dr Burke. O'Malley you're with Dr Shepherd, Yang, Grey you're waiting for the two ambulances' that's coming in."

Meredith and Cristina stood looking at each other when they heard the ambulances' were coming. "I'll take the first one," Cristina said running to the EM door.

"45 year old female, has a head trauma, CVP, pulse 30, 3mm morphine, has lost a lot of blood." Cristina came over to the lady. "I have her," she said and took her inside.

"Male, 56, has Diabetics ketoacidose. Getting IVU 2/3 and has a normal pulse. No bleedings or heart disease." Meredith ran over to the man and got him inside. "Page Dr Bailey," Meredith said as she started to give him 5mm emphysema, he has an esophagus. Can somebody get Bailey?" Meredith yelled again.

* * *

"So how's your guy?" Cristina asked as they eat lunch.

"We took him for an ERCP and we will get him into surgery this afternoon. The weird thing is that they said he had diabetic ketoacididose, but what he really has is esophagus."

Cristina lifted her eyebrows." The woman I got is completely crazy. She needs surgery because she has a head bleeding, but refuses before tomorrow because it's raining today." Meredith smiled.

"I'll call physic for you," she said as she continued. "You really want in on that surgery what?" Meredith said with a grin.

"Yeh, of course. Shepherd is going fix an epidural hemorrhagic in her brain, god I want in on that surgery." Meredith laughed. "So I guess I'm luckier than you today," she said smiling.

"What?" Cristina said and stopped chewing. "I'm scrubbing in when were opening a heart today." Cristina opened her moth. "

That's, oh my…that's now fear," she yelled and crossed her arms.

"I think I'm going up to persuade my patient to take the damn surgery today. I think I will tell her that I will kill her with a knife if she refuses." Meredith laughed and Cristina disappeared. Sometimes her friend could be really jealous, Meredith thought.

"Hey," A voice that Meredith recognized very well said behind her. "Derek," Meredith said as he took a seat beside her.

"So how's your day?"Meredith smiled. "Just fine, I'm in on a open heart surgery with Bailey later."

Derek smiled too. "Oh, well that's good, but I was thinking about with your father and…" Meredith took his hand. "Derek, I have you.

You are what matters for me, not my father who I have barley seen in my life, not my dead mother who doesn't know me, but you. I'm okay, because a have you. Because I have you, I'm happy."

Derek smiled and gave her a quick kiss. "I love you," he whispered. "I love you too Dr Shepherd," she whispered before her pager went off.

"It's Bailey, were doing the surgery now. I have to go, see you later okay?" She gave him one more kiss and disappeared. Derek grinned. He was lucky having Meredith. He loved her so much.

He smiled thinking about the plans he had for their evening. "He was a lucky guy" he thought as he walked to his office again.

He was happy, actually more than happy!

* * *

**SORRY,SORRY,SORRY! I'm going to out of town until August 21, so I won't be able to write more before I get back: (**

**I'm leaving tomorrow so this is the last chapter before I'm back: (**

**PLEASE, read and REVIEW to tell me what you think: )**

**I will update as soon as I'm home again: ) **


	16. Chapter 16 Oh, You Love Me

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 16**_

_**Name of Chapter: Oh, You Love Me**_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

"Meredith?" Izzie came up to her. "Are you okay?" Izzie looked worried at her. Meredith knew she had to lie.

"Yes, I'm just fine." She stood up and left the closet, ready to face a new hectic day at Seattle Grace. She knew her arm wasn't well, but she didn't want to bother Derek with it.

He had it rough enough as it was now when he was chief. But she knew she had to get an exam of her arm. In the best case it could be just a small infection. But she couldn't tell anyone, cause if she did they wouldn't let her work. She walked over to the nurse station where she saw Cristina was standing reading a chart. "Hey there," Meredith said. Cristina just nodded still reading.

"You have a good case I see?" Meredith said smiling. "You can just guess," Cristina said and disappeared. Meredith had to laugh. "Cristina will never change," she said to her selves before she started looking for her own patient's chart.

* * *

"17 year old female, came to the hospital yesterday after having access of fever, has anemia, and fever is still high." Burke nodded to Meredith, before he turned to the patient.

"Hallie, Dr Grey will come and check on you later and we will do some tests. If necessary we will operate." Hallie just nodded, and Burke left. "Just perfect," Hallie said to her selves. Meredith walked over to her bed.

"You know the feeling when you know something is wrong with you, and you have to tell someone but somehow you can't tell this person? It's like you're afraid that it will make it worse, that they won't…" Meredith finished the sentence for her. "…understand you, that they won't accept it? Yes I know," Meredith said. Hallie nodded. "I didn't want to lie to them, but I didn't know how to tell them the truth." Meredith nodded. "I have to go, but I will be back later, okay?" Hallie smiled to her.

"Yeh, see you." Meredith left the room, but Hallie's words were still in her head.

_I have to tell Derek, but I can't. _

* * *

Meredith hadn't seen Derek the whole day, and was grateful for that. She didn't want him to know that she was going to take a blood test. "Dr Grey, where have you been?" Bailey said coming up to her. "I was just…I was just, uhm checking something and…" Bailey looked weird at her. "Anyway, your patient is going into surgery now and you might get to that OR before Burke finds another intern." Meredith nodded and hurried to OR 1. "Interns," Bailey said to her selves as she moved on. 

"Dr Grey, how nice it is that you join us," Burke said as she came to the OR. "Sorry Dr Burke." Burke gave her a fake smile. "Well, I hope this is the first and last time you will be late. You will get to scrub in this time, but next time…" Meredith nodded. "Of course Dr Burke."

* * *

"It's a shame, but it happens," Burke said as they stood in the washing room. Meredith stood and watched the dead girl on the table. The nurses were sewing her up. She looked peaceful. "She was right," Meredith mumbled. "17 years was all she got." Burke shook his head and turned the spring on. "So, how's your arm doing?" Burke said suddenly. "Oh, my arm is just fine," Meredith lied. Burke just smiled. "I'm glad it is," he said before he left. 

Meredith stood outside Derek's office and waited for him. He was in the middle of a phone conversation, but Meredith didn't know who he was talking to. As he finally were finished and came out of his office, he looked tired.

"Hi," he said and smiled when he saw he fiancée were standing there waiting for him. "Haven't seen you today," he said and walked up to her. "Yeh, busy day," Meredith lied. "Yeh," he responded and gave her a quick kiss on her check.

"So, ready to go home?" Meredith smiled. "Defiantly," she said and they walked out to the car. "So, I was thinking we could take the ferry boat today," Derek said as they sat in the car. "I would love to," Meredith said giggling.

At the ferry boat, Meredith and Derek stood at the deck and looked out over the water. The sun was still up, and the wind blew warm this spring day.

"Anyway, who were you talking to in the phone today?"

Derek looked secretly at her. "Well, I can't tell you that," he said with a grin.

Meredith crossed her arms. "Derek, I hope this isn't a surprise, because you know I hate surprises." Derek just continued grinning, before he said: "The last time I surprised you were when I proposed, and from my opinion you liked that surprise." Derek almost laughed when he saw her face.

"Derek Michael Shepherd, you have no idea how much I dislike you right now," she said looking very stubborn.

"Oh, you love me," Derek said teasing her. "Actually…" Before Meredith got a chance to say more, Derek grabbed her arm, leaned down to her and gave her a long soft kiss. "I promise I will tell you soon," he said still grinning.

"Let's talk about something else," Meredith said. Derek nodded. "Why don't we discuss you," Derek said and pointed on her. "Me?" Meredith said lifting her eyebrows. "Yes, example your arm. How is you arm? Have someone looked at it lately?" Meredith felt how her heart pumped faster. The last thing she wanted Derek to talk to her about was her arm.

She was a bad liar, and Derek could read her very well. "Oh, my arm? Well yes, I mean my arm is just normal again." Meredith tried to smile. "Have someone had a look at it? I would really want to have a look my self," he said touching her left arm. "That's not necessary, Dr Milton checked it three days ago, and everything was normal." Derek nodded. He didn't really understand why she just could let him look at it."So let's just not talk about anything. Let's just enjoy the wind and our ferry boat trip," Meredith said smiling.

She took Derek's arm and stood close to him. Derek took his arm around her, and they stood like this until the ferry boat stopped and they had to go down to their car.

* * *

"Meredith?" Izzie called from the living room when Meredith and Derek came home. Meredith walked into her. "I found some of your mother's surgical tapes. Do you mind if George and I watch them? You can join us too if you want to, and Derek." 

Meredith looked at Izzie. She looked like a little kid, who was going to watch her new princess video for her first time. "Yeh, sure just watch them," Meredith said a little sad. "Great." Izzie putted one of them on, and sat back on the coach beside George. It was the one when her mother were cutting up a man's chest and took his heart out, fixed the left heart cliff and putted it back in.

When she saw her mother, she got tears in her eyes. She didn't want to let Izzie and George see that she was crying, so she said short that she needed to clean up at her bedroom, and went up. Derek who had went to the kitchen to make some dinner, saw her and went after her. Meredith hurried in to her bedroom and started to bend some of her clothes and put them in her wardrobe. Derek reached the door, and stood looking at her.

"Mer," he started. "I'm busy," she said still bending and running from her chair where all her new washed clothes laid, and her wardrobe. Derek walked towards her, and grabbed her arm. "Mer, stop," he said shaking her. Meredith turned to him and looked into his deep blue eyes. She could never look into his eyes and not telling him the truth.

"You're upset because of your mother, right?" Derek said softly. Tears came up in her eyes again.

"I just can't watch those tapes, okay? I can't watch my mother doing those surgeries. They just remind me about where she was when I was a little girl. She wasn't with me, she was never with me. She was in the OR saving people, and taking care of other children not her own child. Even on my birthday. She was never home, never making a birthday cake to me. She just left some money on the kitchen table, and some times she forgot my birthday too."

Meredith looked at the floor now. Some tears still came down her cheek. "She didn't know me Derek, she died and she didn't know me." Derek wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. "I'm so sorry Mer, I'm so sorry," he said rubbing her back. "

As the tears stopped Meredith lifted her head from his shoulder. Derek smiled to her and gave her a kiss. "Want to help me cook dinner?" Derek asked. Meredith had to laugh. "Derek, I can't cook you know that." Derek laughs.

"What about lasagna?" Derek suggested. "Lasagna sounds good," she said smiling. "Yes, and you can have the honor to make the salad." Meredith crossed her arms. "Fine, but you're doing the dishes."

"Hey, I'm the one who makes the lasagna here," he said also crossing his arms. Meredith looked at him with those puppy eyes she knew he couldn't say no to. "Fine, I'll do the dishes," Derek said. Meredith gave him a quick kiss and grinned.

"I have to say I really dislike you right now," Derek said.

"Oh, you love me," Meredith said laughing.

* * *

**So I'm finally home again: )**

**More updates soon!**

**Read, and Remember to REWIEW: )**


	17. Chapter 17 A Time Game

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 17**_

_**Name of Chapter: A Time Game **_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

"So how are you and Burke doing?" Meredith said to her friend as they sat in the cafeteria. "What?" Cristina replied. 

"Oh, Burke's still mad at you because of the…" Cristina interrupted her. "You know what? Why don't we discuss something else?" Meredith smiled. "So he hasn't forgiven you yet?" Cristina looked at her with a "shut up" look.

"If you so much as dimension to Burke that I told you about this…" Cristina said serious.

"So you took a blood test yesterday. Is it your arm?" Meredith's smile disappeared. "If you tell Derek ever or somebody else…" Cristina sat up. "You haven't told Derek that something is wrong with your arm?" Meredith just shook her head.

"Okay, so lets make a deal. I won't tell Derek about your blood test or your arm, and you won't tell Burke about me telling you that I fall asleep during sex."

Meredith nodded. "Deal." Cristina and Meredith got silent and just sat and ate their lunch.

No one of them said anything more.

* * *

"Dr Grey, we have your results back," a nurse said. "Thanks," Meredith said and took the paper the blonde nurse gave her. 

She got chock when she saw the results. How could this happen? She got tears in her eyes and hurried to the locker room. When she sat down in the locker room, some more tears came. How could she tell Derek this? How could she tell him that her arm wasn't checked? That she had a blood infection? Meredith slammed her head in the wall. Or should she tell Derek at all? What if he finds it out?

"Damn it, damn it damn it." She took some deep breaths before she stood up and walked down to the nurse station. She had to find out more about blood infection. Was it from the gun shoot, or the surgery? Could surgery help, or could it heal with antibiotics? She sat down with a computer and started research.

"Sepsis?" Derek came up to her. "Oh, yes there's…my patient may have it," Meredith said quickly.

"Oh," Derek said and leaned over her. "So I was thinking we could go to Joe's tonight, what do you say?" Meredith turned to face him. "Sounds good Dr Shepherd she said, and looked at him with a look that told him not to do this in public.

"Great, I'll see you later Dr Grey," Derek said professional and smiled to her. "Stop it," Meredith whispered as Derek blinked to her. He had to laugh when he walked away. She could be really serious about flirting at work in public sometimes.

* * *

"Grey, you'll take the incoming ambulance. O'Malley to the pit, Karev you're with Burke and Yang you're with me." Bailey hurried down the hall with Cristina in her heals. Meredith went to the emergency. 

"31 year old male, head injuries, been given 3cc hemoreci and a doze of obdyzirc, morphine and 5mm vertexil." They got inside. "Somebody page Dr Shepherd," Meredith said.

"Mr. Greg I need you to stay awake okay?" Greg looked at her with big eyes. "Where am I, where Bonzel?"

Derek came running up to them. "What do we got," he said and looked at Meredith. "Kean Greg 31, head injuries. Stabile but needs a CT scan, antibiotics and may have head bleedings. "

"Okay, get him to CT, and we need an EEG." Meredith nodded. "Yes Dr Shepherd."

* * *

"You paged?" Derek said and came into the CT room. "Yes, I though you wanted to have a look." Derek sat down and took a look at the computer. "Damn," he said as some more pictures came up. 

"Schedule Dr Hawn's surgery. This guy needs to get in the OR as fast as possible,"

Derek said as he and Meredith walked down to the board. "Okay, I'll make sure she get's to know it," Meredith said. "Thanks," Derek said and gave her a quick smile. "See you later babe," he whispered to her ear before he left. Meredith smiled back at him, before she turned to face to board.

* * *

Meredith and Derek were on their way to Joe's. 

"So even when the surgery went well, he might not be well?" Meredith asked as they sat in the car.

"He will be just fine, if he ever wakes up," Derek replied. Meredith nodded. All the time the blood test results came back to her minds. Derek parked the car and they walked into the bar together.

As they entered the bar they saw Cristina and Burke sitting there drinking bear. Meredith and Derek took a seat beside them and ordered a bear too. "So, any good surgeries today?" Derek said to Burke.

"Just a bypass," Burke said taking a sip of his bear. "Darts?" Burke said, and he and Derek went over to play.

"He doesn't even speak to me," Cristina finally said. "He will eventually, just wait," Meredith said and took a quick look at Derek and Burke.

"You haven't told him yet?" Cristina said as she saw Meredith sigh. Meredith just shook her head.

"I got the results back," she said after a while. Cristina turned to her friend. "And?" Meredith hesitated before she decided to tell Cristina. "I have a blood infection," she said quickly. Cristina looked at her with big eyes. "Well, what are you going to do?" Meredith took another sip of her bear. "I've done some research, and my best opportunity is another surgery, but there are some risks."

"You can loose hand function," Cristina said. "The first surgery I had could had broke the central nerve, and if I have another surgery it's a bigger chance that the nerve will be damaged."

Cristina looked serious at her friend. "And if you don't take the surgery, you can also loose hand function, just a matter of time." Meredith nodded. "A time question," she said biting her under lip.

"A time game," Cristina replied to her.

"So what do I do Cristina?" Meredith said desperately.

"You're my person, tell me what I should do," Meredith said again. Cristina just sat there and looked at her bear. "Fight Mer, fight," she finally said. "Fight for your carrier," Cristina said before she stood up and walked out of the bar. Meredith sat left and looked after her. She knew Cristina didn't know what else she could do.

She wasn't that kind of person who hogged you if you were in a situation like this. But she still did her best to help her friend.

_Fight Mer, fight._ The words were still in her head.

"Where's Cristina?" Derek said coming up to her. "Um, she forgot something at the hospital so she had to go back," Meredith said without really having a clue where she had left. Derek just nodded. "Okay, maybe we should get going too." Derek turned to tell Burke before he and Meredith left.

* * *

As they entered the door at Meredith's house there were no one home. 

"Come join me in the shower," Derek whispered and went upstairs. Meredith followed him. As she reached the door to her bed room, Derek grabbed her, and started unclothing her.

"Derek," Meredith said as she laughed. Derek kissed her neck and carried her into the bathroom.

"Were gonna have hot sex," Derek said between the kisses. As they reached the shower, Derek turned the water on, and they stepped in. The water was hot, and this was exactly what Meredith needed after all the bad news she had got this day.

"Derek," Meredith said grasping for air. Derek continued kissing her and felt his way down her body. Meredith strokes her fingers through his wet hair, and moaned.

She had really missed this. She had missed having Derek around, feeling his body. She felt bad inside thinking about that she lied to him. She really wanted to tell him everything, but she didn't know how.

_Fight Mer, fight for your carrier, _

Derek's wet lips touched hers again.

_fight for Derek. _She loved him so much; and right now more than ever, more than anyone.

_I can't let this happen, I won't let this happen, _she though as Derek took her deeper and further in than ever.

_It's a time game, and it's just a matter of time!_

* * *

**Hope you like this chapter. Been working on the idea for a while.**

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**PS! So sorry for my spelling errors. I'm from Norway and my english isn't that good: (**


	18. Chapter 18 Anything For You

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 18**_

_**Name of Chapter: Anything For You**_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

"Cristina?" Meredith called and ran after her. "Mer," Cristina started. "You have to tell him," she said.

"What?" Meredith said surprised. "Tell him about your arm, or I will," she said stubborn. "Cristina, we made a deal…" Cristina interrupted her. "No, Mer you tell him. It's your arm, your ability to ever operate again. What if you couldn't be a surgeon anymore? Derek can fix it, and you have to tell him today."

Meredith looked shocked. This wasn't the Cristina she knew. "Cristina,"

"No, I won't talk to you before you have told him," she said and walked out of the locker room. Meredith sat down. Cristina was right. She had to tell him, and that fast.

She decided to go find him now before her rounds started. She stood up and headed to his office.

* * *

"Come in," he said as Meredith knocked at the door. "Hi," she said fast.

"Mer, what's up," he said when he saw her face. "Um, Derek there's something I have to tell you." Meredith started playing with her ring, the beautiful ring Derek had given her when he proposed. "Take a seat."

Meredith sat down, still not looking at him. "Okay, so…" Meredith finally looked at him.

"I've had some cramp in my left arm lately, so I took a blood test to see if there maybe was an infection or something," Meredith started. "Sorry Derek, I should have told you."

"You haven't got your arm checked have you?" Derek said bitterly. Meredith shocked her head. "No," she whispered. She took a deep breath before she finally told him.

"My blood test came back, and I have an infection. I have a blood infection in my arm Derek." Derek looked shocked.

"You have Sepsis and you haven't told me," he said with a low voice. Meredith got tears in her eyes. "Sorry Derek, I'm so sorry." Derek got softer when he saw the tears in her eyes.

"I'll take you for a check today, and if you need surgery we'll operate," he said not waiting for her to response it. Meredith just nodded. "You could have told me Meredith," Derek said as he stood up and walked over to her. Meredith stood up ready to get back to her resident when Derek took her arm.

"You won't get to work today," he said stubborn. Meredith didn't say anything.

She just nodded again. Derek strokes her hair and kissed her forehead. "I'll page you," he said as she headed to the door.

"Okay," Meredith said smiling. "Okay," Derek said smiling back at her.

"Tell Bailey I'll talk to her," Derek said, and Meredith disappeared.

* * *

"Dr Grey?" Bailey called after her. "Where do you think you're going? I have five patients waiting for an exam." Meredith stopped and turned to her. "I'm not working," she said. 

"Excuse me?" Bailey said lifting her eyebrows. "Talk to the chief, he gave me the orders," she said and left.

"Shepherd better have a good explanation for this," Bailey said to her selves before she carried on.

* * *

"I told him," Meredith said coming up to Cristina who was doing charts. "And now I'm not working." Cristina looked up at her.

"I have to go," she said quickly and left. Meredith looked at her pager.

Derek had still not paged her, and she had nothing to do other than going around at the hospital watching the other interns working, hanging out in the OR with the other surgeons and having fun.

_But what If you couldn't be a surgeon anymore? _Cristina's words from this morning were still in her head. Meredith shook her head, and suddenly her pager went off.

"Derek, of course," she said to her selves and went to find him.

"You paged," she said coming up to him. "Yes, I will take you for a CT," Derek said looking up from his chart.

"You're a patient now Meredith." Meredith nodded.

* * *

"So?" Meredith said when Derek came into her room. She had been for a CT and now Derek came with the results. "You have an early threated blood infection, and we're operating you tomorrow morning." Derek sat down at her bed side. 

"You're the one to do it, right?" Meredith said. Derek took her hand in his. "I am," he said and gave her a weak smile.

"You have a fever Mer, and you have had it in two days," Derek said and stroke her forehead. Meredith nodded and leant back in the bed and closed her eyes. "Do I have to sleep here tonight?" she said opening her eyes again. Derek nodded.

"You know the hospital rules," he said giving her a fake smile. "But you're the chief, can't you make an exception?" Meredith said with puppy eyes. Derek would really like to say yes, but he couldn't.

"Sorry Mer," he said and kissed her softly. "I'll check you later babe," he said and left the room. Meredith just laid there and looked around in the room. Now she knew why patient didn't like to sleep at the hospital.

You can't describe how it is to lie there for hours just staring in the wall or watching day TV. She knew that very soon the other interns would show up, asking her lots of questions. She could already hear that Izzie were standing outside her room talking.

"I can't believe she didn't tell us," he heard Izzie said. "She has a blood infection in her arm," George started.

"Dude, O'Malley it's called Sepsis. Didn't you know that?" Alex said teasing. "Shut up," she heard Cristina said to them.

"Let's pretend everything is normal," she started before Izzie interrupted. "But everything isn't normal. She's having surgery tomorrow." Suddenly it got quiet in the hall. Meredith expected them to rush into her room, but none of the interns came.

Another person Meredith didn't exspected at all, walked into her room. "Meredith," Bailey started before she came closer.

"I'm sorry about your arm. I heard you're having surgery tomorrow." Meredith nodded. "Tell me the truth Dr Bailey. Whats the chances that I will loose arm function?" Bailey sighed.

"It's 50/50." Meredith nodded. "Okay, if there's anything you need..." Meredith interrupted. "Thank you, but I'm fine." Bailey nodded and left.

After a while she drifted into sleep. Derek came into her room when he saw she was asleep, he went over to her bed. He sat down and looked at her.

Tomorrow when he was going to operate her, her arm was his responsibility. If he did something wrong she would loose her ability to ever be a surgeon, to ever have hand function in her left arm. Meredith, his fiancée and the love of his life was his responsibility. He leant over her and kissed her.

"I love you, and I will do my best tomorrow to fix your arm Mer. I swear I will." He stood up and walked out of the room. "So you're operating her tomorrow morning?" Bailey said as Derek came out of the room. Derek nodded.

"Poor girl," Bailey said shocking her head. "Yeh," was all Derek said before he went to his office.

* * *

Meredith woke up realizing it was afternoon. As she pulled her selves out of the bed, she saw Derek was standing in the door. "Oh, I didn't see you," she said. Derek walked up to her.

"I have to go toilet," Meredith said quick, and stood up. She felt a little groggy after being sleeping all day. When she got back, Derek was gone. Meredith got disappointed. She really wanted to talk to him now. Suddenly Cristina came running into her room.

"Cristina?" Meredith said sitting at the bedside looking surprised at her friend.

"I got in on an open heart surgery with Burke," she said almost jumping over the floor. "Your lucky. I wish I could be in too," Meredith admitted. Cristina's smile disappeared. "You will get into one, just wait." Meredith looked down.

"Or maybe not, there is a big chance for loosing arm function you know." Meredith changed subject.

"So you and Burke are good?" Meredith said nodded. "Well, yes he smiled to me and said we were going to talk later."

Cristina's pager went off. "It's Burke," she said heading for the door again. "I'll see you tomorrow before your surgery," she said quickly and left. After Cristina had been there, Izzie, Alex and George came one by one. When it was nearly 10 pm, Derek came into her again.

"Derek," Meredith said as he walked up to her. "Hi babe, had a surgery," he lied. "Derek, can you stay with me tonight?" Meredith asked as Derek took a seat at her bed. "If you want me to," he said smiling. "So, the nurses told me your fever is gone."

Derek took an arm at her forehead. He strokes her softly over her hair before he leant down to her and kissed her. It was a long soft kiss, gently like they always did. Meredith smiled and sat up in the bed.

"You're nervous, aren't you?" Meredith said and took his hand. Derek nodded. "Of course I am. I can break your central nerve, and you can loose hand function Mer. I'm terrified to make a mistake, and end your carrier," he said and Meredith took his hand and leaded it to her moth, and kissed it.

"You operated Burkes arm as well, and he could have loose hand function too. Derek you're my best chance, and I'm willing to take that chance because you're the best." Derek kissed her again.

"Mer, I don't know if I can handle this, again. I'm not sure I will be the one to operate. I love you so much," he said and strokes her cheek.

"I love you too Derek and I want you to do this surgery." Derek nodded. "You try getting some more rest. I'll come by later, but I think I will sleep in my office.If you need anything, just page me," ha said and gave her a quick kiss before he left.

Meredith sighed. She turned around in her bed and tried to sleep, but she couldn't. Maybe Derek was right.

Maybe some one else should do the surgery. But he was the best. Later that night, Derek came in to check her and he found her sleeping.

He went over to her bed and sat down. "I promise Mer, I will do everything I can tomorrow to save your hand. I love you so much, and you don't deserve this. I'll do anything for you."

He stood up, and whispered something in her ear her ear. Those words he had whispered to her that night he was going to tell her one day, but right now he could just tell her when she was sleeping.

He headed to the door, and before closing it after him he smiled.

"Good night sleeping beauty."

* * *

**Sorry for not updating before!!**

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	19. Chapter 19 Somewhere Over The Rainbow

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 19**_

_**Name of Chapter: Somewhere Over The Rainbow **_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

"Good morning," Derek said walking into her room. "Derek? Gosh, what time is it?" Derek came over to her bedside. 

"Nearly 7.am and your surgery is schedule to 8.30 so you have to wake up now." Meredith opened her eyes slowly and looked up at her fiancée. "So did you sleep well?" Derek admitted as he examined her arm.

"Well, yes but I have to say I don't like hospital beds." Derek laughed. "Yeh, they're not quite comfortable." Meredith smiled. "So, who's in the surgery today? Bailey, Burke?" Derek nodded.

"They'll all be there and…" Derek stopped. "I'm not doing the surgery. I will be there the entire time make sure they don't break your arm or something but I won't be the one to operate." Derek saw that Meredith's eyes went from smiling to be unreadable.

"So, you will be there?" she said still with empty eyes. "Yes I will. Dr Burgeon with operate you, and I will watch him all the time." Meredith nodded. She was still a little disappointed that Derek wasn't be the one to operate, but maybe it was for the best. "Okay, I'll see you soon," Derek said as he left.

* * *

"So in one hour you're in surgery," Cristina said after a long silent time. "Yeh," Meredith replied as she looked at Cristina. "Are you going to be in?" Cristina looked up at her for the first time since she came into the room. 

"Oh, in? In the surgery? Well I'm not quite sure. I mean Bailey want's me in the ER so I guess I'm not." Meredith nodded. Cristina's pager went off, and she hurried up. "Gotta go, see you after the surgery," she said, happy to get to leave from the awkwardness situation.

Meredith just nodded. It had never been an awkward situation between the two of them before.

The clock ticked slowly, and the other interns said some quick words to her as they passed by. Nearly 8.15, Derek came into her again.

"Hi," he said and came up to her. "So are you ready? We have to prep you now." Meredith smiled.

"Do I have a choice?" Derek shook his head. "I guess I'm ready then." Derek gave her a quick kiss. "You will be alright," and "I love you," were the last thing he said to her before she fall asleep, ready to be cut open.

* * *

"Doctors, we are going to remove the blood clot around the nerve, and do it as fast as possible so we won't break the nerve." 

Dr Burgeon got ready. "Scalpel," he said and reaches out his hand. "Derek stood beside him all the time.

"Wait," Derek said suddenly, when Dr Burgeon was about to cut. "Is there a problem Dr Shepherd?" DrBurgeon said, angrily since he had interrupted his surgery. "Dr Burgeon, I would like you to get out of my OR now."

Dr Burgeon gave the scalpel back to the scrub nurse. "Shep, this is ridiculous." Dr Burgeon stepped aside.

"I'm the chief here, and I'm telling you to leave." Dr Burgeon didn't want to argue with the head of Nero surgery and chief of the surgical floor, so he wrapped his scrubs of and left.

"Okay, let's get this blood clot out," Derek said picking up the scalpel. He was nervous, hell he was. But watching another doctor cutting Meredith up as she was a piece of paper, he couldn't handle.

The OR was silent. Everybody in there knew Meredith was a close friend to the chief. Actually his fiancée, not to dimension everything she had been trough and the first surgery she had when she got shot.

Derek tried not to think about that the girl on the table was his Meredith. He tried to just focus about the work, and to do it right. "How's she doing?" Derek asked. "She's fine, normal pulse and heart beats. No visible reactions."

"Good," Derek replied as he picked up the clamp. He had reached the central nerve, as he saw the blood clot.

"I found it, there's an infection in the artery leading to the central nerve. I will have to get it out piece after piece, and still have blood circulation. We need blood ready if there will be any bleedings." Derek sighted before he started.

* * *

_The world does never stop_

_The time does never return_

_The moments just pass by_

_And there's nothing you can do to chance it_

_But some time's its feels like the world has stopped_

_Some times it feels like the time returns_

_Some times it feels like the moments lasts forever_

_And you feel stuck, you feel anger, you feel hate_

_But what you really feel is love_

_You can't control it. Or can you?_

* * *

"Come on people," Derek screamed as the blood splashed everywhere. 

"We need more blood. Were the hell is the blood." Derek worked as fast as he could, all the time thinking about Meredith. "Okay, 3mm hermopahin, 2cc aspiritin. We need this blood clot out now." Derek began to sweat.

He used the instruments in a hurry, and finally the whole clot was out. "Okay, the blood clot is removed. Now we need more blood transfused." Derek putted the instruments down, and headed to the sink room. "Some one close up," he said before he was gone. Usually he would have close up since it was Meredith lying there, but he couldn't.

He couldn't manage being in the room any longer. As he stood over the sink, he heard a voice behind him. He recognized the voice very well. "How did it go?" Derek turned around to face her. "I think it went well," Derek lied.

"Oh," she said and turned to see Meredith as they closed her up. "She will be awake three or four hours after she's done in here." Derek said a he took a slice of paper to dry his hands.

"Okay," Cristina said, turning to face her best friend one last time before she left. Derek left the sink room too. He didn't have any more surgeries for the day, so he went up to his office.

Thinking about the surgery, and the fact that he had moved a piece of the blood clot too fast and he hit the nerve. Not much, but he had hit the nerve so it could be broken.

Derek sat down in his chair and putted his hands on his head. He felt a need to get away from the hospital. He stood up and walked down to the board. "Shep, how did it go?" Burke said coming up to him. "I think it went well, but we don't know…"

"Before she wakes up," Burke finished for him. Derek nodded. "Burke, I need you to do something for me." Burke nodded. "Sure, anything." Derek putted his hands on his hips. "You have to be chief for me a couple of hours." Burke looked surprised.

"Okay," Burke said. "I just need to do something. I will be back in a few hours, and I don't have any surgeries." Burke nodded. "The board is yours," Derek said and left. Burke turned and watched as Derek got into the elevator and disappeared.

* * *

"Doc, this was a strange time at the day for you to come," the bartender said. 

"Today, it isn't," Derek replied taking a seat. Joe reached him double scotch single malt, and Derek took it to his lips and emptied the glass. "So had a bad morning?" Joe said. Derek sighted. "You have no idea," he said as Joe gave him another shot. "I shouldn't really be here," Derek began.

"I should have been at the hospital waiting for her to wake up." Joe turned his attention to him. "Meredith?" Derek raised his eyebrows. "How did you know?" Joe lifted his shoulders. "Last time you were her without her she was just been shot, and you had waited for her to wake up." Derek nodded.

"Were should I be Joe," he said tickling with the empty glass. "I think Meredith want's you there with her, even when she's not awake." Derek sighed again. "But I did it. I hit the nerve during the surgery and she may loose her hand function. She may not be a surgeon anymore."

"I think she wants you there anyway," Joe replied. Derek emptied the second shot of whisky.

"What if it were you," Joe started. "If you were having a surgery, and Meredith operated your arm. You may loose hand function, but wouldn't you want her to be there when you wake up?" Derek nodded.

"You're right Joe," he said and stood up. He found some money in his pocket, and gave them to Joe. Derek walked to the door, and disappeared. He was going back to the hospital and wait for her to wake up.

He sat down in a chair beside her, all the time looking at her. He smiled, and took his hand to her face. "Your mother were proud of you Mer. She has always been, and always will be."

Derek sighted. "I'm proud of you too. You are a talented young women. You light my day up, you light me up. You're bossy, keeps me in line and I love you for that. I love you for everything that you are, and everything you have made me. Hell I can't live without you Mer." Derek took her arm up to his lips, and kissed it softly.

* * *

_Somewhere over the rainbow_

_It says,_

_If you're waiting for something good_

_You don't wait forever_

* * *

**Sorry for not posting before!**

**So now Meredith is AGAIN operated, and Derek is waiting for her to wake up AGAIN! **

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	20. Chapter 20 A New Day

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 20**_

_**Name of Chapter: A New Day**_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

Meredith sat up in bed. She felt sore after the surgery, not to dimension that she had slept since after the surgery the morning before. As she looked around in the room, she found Derek sleeping in a chair next to her. She smiled as she saw him. 

He looked peaceful. She turned her head so she could look at the clock. It was 4 am and Derek started at 5 o'clock. She took her right hand and placed it on her left hand. It was once more covered in bandage. Meredith reached her good arm out, and placed it on Derek's shoulder. "Derek?" she whispered as she strokes his arm.

"Derek," Meredith said again a little louder. "Meredith?" Derek opened his eyes. She smiled to him. "Your awake," he said and smiled. "How are you feeling?" Derek stood up and touched her left arm. "It's sore, but I'm fine." Derek didn't smile anymore. "You know, Dr Burgeon didn't do the surgery," Derek began.

"Then who did?" Meredith asked. Derek sighted. "I did." Derek took his hands to her face. "You will have to wait a few more hours before you can try moving your hand," Derek continued. "Yeh," Meredith replied.

"Your shift starts soon so you should maybe get going." Derek nodded. "I will come by as soon as I can," he said and kissed her softly. "Try get some more rest, okay?" Meredith nodded. "I will," she said and Derek left.

* * *

Just as Meredith was about to drift back to sleep, some one knocked at the door. "Cristina?" Meredith said as Cristina opened the door and came in. "Hi," she said and stepped closer. "So, you're okay?" 

"As okay as I can be," Meredith said giving her a weak smile. "You should have seen Shepherd after the surgery yesterday. He was like some lost kid. He couldn't even close up, he just left." Cristina sat down in a chair, and they were both silent fot a while. "I have to tell you something, and when I tell you, you not get to react in anyway." Meredith raised her eyebrows. "Okay?"

Cristina sighed. "Burke wants me to be religion," Cristina said quickly. Meredith tried not to laugh, but she couldn't hide that she was smiling. "Mer," Cristina said angrily. "Oh, that's, well that's, it just that I never looked at you as the girl to pray to God and it's just not quite you and…" Cristina interrupted her.

"Stop it." They looked at each other for a second before they both brush into laugher. "No way. I'm not religious, and have no plans of becoming it either," Cristina said as they continued to laugh. "Crap," Cristina said as her pager went of. "Bailey doesn't give me a freakin' minute," she said to her selves as she walked out of the door. Meredith turned in the bed and tried to get back to sleep, since Cristina had interrupted her nap. Thinking about Cristina and what she told her made her smile even when she closed her eyes.

* * *

Derek sat in his office. The hospital was a mess. They needed more rooms, a new OR and not to dimension some new instruments and a new MRI. "Chief," Patricia came into his office.

"The meeting is schedule to 4 o'clock tomorrow. And Dr Warner told me to tell you that there are two patients waiting for a new liver, and we need to send someone to get them." Derek raised his head.

"Get them from where?"

"Tacoma hospital and it has to be done today." Derek sighed. "Send Dr Hays if he's available." Patricia nodded and turned to the door. "Oh, and one more thing. Dr Grey wants you to come by as soon as you can. I think she has something to show you."

Patricia disappeared, and Derek looked down at his papers again. What was Meredith going to show him? Could she move her arm? Derek stood up left his office and headed for Meredith's room, just when his pager goes of. He sighted and hurried down to the ER.

"Dr Shepherd, we have a 23 year old male. Shot him selves in his head after he had killed two kids. Pulse is weak, and he's bleeding a lot." Derek looked at Bailey with big eyes.

"Fucking fool," Derek said just high enough so Bailey heard it. They moved him quickly into the EM, and starting to treat him. "He needs surgery Dr Shepherd," Bailey said. Derek shook his head.

"This ass doesn't deserve to live," he said to him selves as they move him to OR 1 and prepped him for surgery.

Three hours later Derek walked out of the OR. He had survived, and he would wake up in a few hours. Derek went to get a cup coffee before he was going to see Meredith.

He hadn't seen her all day, and had no idea how her arm was. "Hi," Derek said as he stepped into her room. She was sitting up in the bed reading in some magazines. When she saw him, she putted the magazines down.

"Hi Dr busy," Meredith teased. Derek smiled. "So how's your arm doing?" Meredith tried not to look too exited, but she couldn't hold back the smile. "I can move all my fingers now, and raise it up a few centimeters," Meredith grinned as she saw Derek's face.

"So Dr Grey, you're working on next Friday then," Derek said gently, and acted like a professional chief. Meredith laughed. "Stop it," she said as he took out his hand to greet her.

"Hey, I'm trying to be a professional boss, talking to his intern here." Meredith shook her head. "Dr Shepherd, right now I would have wanted some special treatment from my fiancée," Meredith said acting like she was hurt. Derek couldn't hold back anymore and grinned from ear to ear.

He bent down and kissed her softly at her cheek. "I would be more than happy to give you special treatment too," Derek replied and kissed her again, but this time on her lips. Softly their lips touched, and Meredith felt numb. How cold she ever have doubt that Derek wasn't the one? Derek stood up again.

"Work," he whispered to her, and smiled. Meredith crossed her arms. "Derek, seriously." Derek laughed. He enjoyed looking at Meredith right now. She wanted to just wrap her arms around him and kiss him forever, and Derek teased her. "Fine," Meredith said. "Dr Shepherd when will I get discharged?" Derek got serious again.

"We need to observe your arm until tomorrow, and then if everything is normal you will get out tomorrow afternoon." Suddenly Izzie came into her room all jumping and happy. "This is great," she screamed and walked, no ran over to Meredith. "Okay, I'll see you later," Derek said and gave Meredith a quick smile.

"Don't leave," Meredith formed the words in her lips to Derek. "Work," Derek whispered back.

"It will be so good having you back at work, you know. Derek was really good in there; you should have seen the surgery. And this other surgeon was like really jealous when Derek told him to leave, and Derek looked so great and…" Meredith shook her head.

"Izzie," she said frustrated. "Oh, and did I tell you about Bailey's surgery? There was a girl with three knifes through her foot and when we opened the scar up…" Meredith took her hand up to shout her.

"IZZIE," Meredith screamed to her. "What?" Meredith leaned back. "Please stop talking." Izzie wrinkled her eyebrows. None of them had realized that Cristina had stood there the entire time and watched them.

"What's going on?" Cristina said and walked over to them. "I was just telling Meredith how great it is to have her back, and about the cool surgeries I have performed lately."

Meredith smiled to Cristina. "Izzie tell me more about the surgeries," Meredith said still smiling. "What?" Cristina whispered to Meredith. "I though you didn't want to hear about all the crappy stuff from Izzie," Meredith grinned. "It's so boring that it might help me to sleep, so I'll let her continue," Meredith whispered back.

"Oh, good point," Cristina said back and disappeared out of the room. Meredith leaned back again and closet her eyes. "Meredith? Are you listening?" Meredith opened one eye. "Yes, you carry on. I will just close my eyes and listen to you."

Meredith closed her eye again. "Okay," Izzie said before she continued with every detail of the surgeries, and about how great it would be when she came back to work.

Unknowing that her listener had fallen asleep long time ago!

* * *

**A/N: So Meredith's arm are fine after the second surgery. AND I decided to let Derek be the one to operate in the previous chapter! Soon the story will make a huge chance, but what's happening I can't tell you. You just have to keep reading and see: )**

**THANKS for reading!!**

**Anyway I hope you liked the chapter. More updates soon!**

**_AND PLEASE, REWIEW!!_**


	21. Chapter 21 My Instincts

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 21**_

_**Name of Chapter: My Instincts**_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

A week since the surgery, Meredith is finally backed at work. 

In the locker Meredith is talking to a frustrated Cristina. "I don't get it. I don't want to get religious, why can't he just accept it and let it be?" Cristina slammed the locker door shut and sat down at the bench. Meredith just lifted her eyebrows.

"Grey, Yang to the clinic. O'Malley and Stevens will spend the day doing rectal exams and sutures. You were both late yesterday, and don't complain. Karev you're scrubbing in with Dr Hamilton, he has a very interesting surgery."

Alex smiled evil to the rest of the group, and hurried out of the looker. "I seriously hate that guy," Cristina said before she and Meredith headed to the clinic.

* * *

"There's absolutely no one here. It's damn silent," Cristina said as she and Meredith came to the clinic. 

"Cristina," Meredith said. "What? Just because we say its silent doesn't mean that there will suddenly…" A door opened and three people came in. "She's bleeding a lot, we need some help," one of the ladies said. Meredith lifted her eyebrows. Cristina opened her mouth but shouted it as more people came rushing into the clinic.

"She fell of her bike, and hit a tree. She can't remember what happened." Meredith hurried over to the girl. "We need to page Dr Shepherd, just wait here," she said and ran to get him.

"She has some breathing problems, and first we just though it was asthma but lately she has got trouble breathing while just sitting in the living room." Cristina looked at the woman.

"Have you been feeling dizzy lately?" The woman shook her head. "Not at all, but I have had some problems talking normally without grasping for air." Cristina wrote something down at the charge.

"We will take some tests and I will page Dr Burke." The woman nodded, and Cristina left. "Dr Burke, Dr Shepherd," Cristina came up to the two doctors. Meredith stood there too. "Uhm, Dr Burke we need you down in the clinic," Burke nodded and followed her.

"What's going o between them?" Derek said raising his eyebrows. "I think it has something to do with Cristina not wanting to be religious and…"

"Cristina, religious?" Derek said smiling. Meredith just shook her head.

"Anyway the girl needs a CT and we need to take some blood tests." "Okay," Meredith replied. "Oh, and if Cristina becomes religious, let me know. I think I will make a holyday." Meredith gave him an angry look, and Derek disappeared with a smile on his face.

* * *

"It's clearly not my fault," Cristina said to Meredith as the walked down the corridor together. "You said the S word Cristina." 

"I saying the S word do certainly not mean it's my fault that people get hurt and comes to the clinic." Cristina lifted her eyebrows. "That's another sign that I don't believe in stuff like that, I'm not religious."

Cristina stopped for a second. "I can defiantly not be religious, and Burke says I just have to begin believing in things like that. Cristina Yang, intern at Seattle Grace hospital. A competitive arrogant, and selfish intern who is a surgery junkie, doesn't cook and doesn't to laundry. How can she be religious?" Meredith smiled. "Derek doesn't think you will be," she said and looked at Cristina.

"You see? Someone gets it." They got to the end of the hall and walked apart. Meredith headed back to Derek with the CT, and Cristina went to the cafeteria for a coffee.

"Derek?" Derek turned to face her. "The labs are back, but look at the CT." Meredith gave Derek the scan. "Hm," he said still looking at it. "It looks like she has commotion cerebral…" Meredith interrupted. "And that's why she didn't remember what happened."

* * *

"We need to observe her over the next couple of hours," Derek said as he and Meredith walked together down to the clinic. "Look for vomiting, unconsciousness and fever." Meredith nodded. 

"This is a special case of this kind of head injury, and there may be a pressure at the brain and then we need to operate." Meredith and Derek reached the room. "Mr. and Mrs. Davison?" Meredith said as they walked over to them.

"Hi," Derek said. "I'm Dr Shepherd, the Nero surgeon." They nodded back. "So we took her to the CT, and it showed us she has what we call commotion cerebral, which means she has a head injury. There's a pressure at her brain, and we may have to operate her." Mr. And Mrs. Davison looked a little shocked. "This surgery, is it a big one? Can she die in the surgery?" Mrs. Davison asked.

"It's a minor prosier, but there are always some risks," Derek said. Mr. and Mrs. Davison nodded. "We have to wait a couple of hours to see if she's responding on the damage in her brain, before we can do anything." Meredith took the chart up.

"Okay, Dr Grey here will page me if you have any more questions," Derek said and left. Meredith did some quick fill out's in the chart and headed to the nurse station. "I will come by later," she said to the parents before she left.

Down at the nurse's station she found Izzie, Cristina and Alex.

"Hi guys, what's going on?" Meredith said coming up to them. "Mc Asshole just finished the surgery," Cristina said, looking evil at Alex who just smiled. Izzie turned to face them too. "So did you hear about the intern exam where gonna have soon? I've heard it is in three weeks, and we only get to study for a week and a half." Cristina and Meredith nodded.

"I think I will get the best results," Alex said interrupting their conversation. "Ah, what makes you think that?" Izzie said sarcastic. "You failed your first intern exam," Cristina said taking a sip of her coffee.

"I will beat you all this time, wait and see," Alex said as he left still grinning. The girls just shook their head. "Pit, pit and pit," George said coming up to the three girls. "Not a single real case, for god sake. Were surgeons not nurses?" Meredith gave him a fake smile.

"Were interns, all the crap jobs are going to us."

"It's like a big line between the interns and the surgeons. It's like they're over there doing surgeries, and were over here…"

"Running labs, suturing…"

"I hate being an intern," Izzie ended.

Bailey came up to them. As she saw her interns standing there like a group of kids. "Why are you all standing here? MOVE." The interns jumped out of their day dream and hurried on. Bailey just shook her head as she looked at them. "Interns," she said to her selves before she carried on.

* * *

As Meredith stood at the nurse station, she suddenly felt two hands around her waist. She smiled before she turned around to face her fiancée. "Dr Shepherd," she said giggling. "Hi babe," he whispered back to her. "Derek, stop it," Meredith said pulling his hands away. 

"So I don't get to hover with my fiancée?" Meredith crossed her arms. "At work, no, at home…" Derek laughed. "What's so funny?" Meredith said an angry tone. "Nothing, it's just that you're so sweet when you're bossy," Derek said smiling.

"I have to go," she said not changing mood. As she started walking again, Derek called after her. "You want in on the surgery right?" Meredith smiled to her selves, and waved her hand as a yes. "I'll page you," Derek said as he walked away in the opposite direction.

Just ten minutes later, Meredith got paged by Derek. She ran to the girl's room, finding nurses and doctors all over the room. "What happened?" Meredith said as she entered the room in a hurry.

"She collapsed, she needs surgery now," Derek said and they moved her to the OR. Derek and Meredith got ready to scrub in. "We need to move the pressure at her brain as quickly as we can, not leaving any damage," Derek said before he and Meredith stepped inside the OR, ready to open up the little girls brain.

Alright people, it's a beautiful evening to save lives, lets have some fun." Derek gave Meredith a nod. She was going to hold the clamp. Meredith moved over to Derek, who smiled to her. Even if she couldn't see his mouth, she saw the smile in his eyes.

* * *

The surgery where nearly over, but Derek had still his hands in the brain. 

"I just have to get around the nerve, Dr Grey you have to hold the clamp study." Meredith blinked her eyes a few times.

"Sorry Dr Shepherd," she said and gripped harder on the clamp. Meredith suddenly felt something awkwardly in her body.

She felt dizzy, and tried hard to focus on holding the clamp study. "Dr Grey, focus," Derek said looking up at her. Meredith felt she started pacing, and her heart pumped faster. Derek took his instruments out of the brain.

"Okay, I'm done here. Somebody close up? Nice work everyone."

Derek left, and Meredith putted the clamp down before she followed him.

As they stood in the washing room, Derek studied her. "What?" she said after a while.

"Are you okay? In the OR it looked like you were a little unfocused." Meredith shook her head. "Sorry I'm just really tired, it won't happen again." Derek nodded. "You look a little pale, are you sure?" Derek moved over to her and planted his hand on her forehead.

She gave him a smile. "I'm fine Derek, really." Derek smiled too. "If you say so," he said and gave her a quick kiss. But when Meredith left the washing room, she wasn't sure if she was okay. She took a deep breath.

"I'm fine, just fine," she said to her selves, even if she knew deep inside that something was going on with her. "Instincts," she said to her selves. "Instincts."

* * *

_In the end of the day, _

_All you can to is to believe your instincts _

_The rest will come by it selves_

* * *

**A/N: So she's back to work FINALLY, not only to find out that the intern exam is there soon but something is going on with her. She think she knows what it is, but she don't want to know it. So you guys have to wait a little longer before you will find out, and it's not really a bad thing!!**

**Anyway I hope you all enjoyed it. And as you've already seen I like writing some scenes were I put in the rest of the Intern group, and specially Cristina. **

**Will update soon, and as always thanks for reading.**

**_Remeber to REWIEW: )_**


	22. Chapter 22 Whats Happening

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 22**_

_**Name of Chapter: What's Happening**_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

"Honey?" Derek got out of bed and reached the bathroom. Meredith stood with the toilet, vomiting. "Are you sick?" Derek said coming closer to her. "I'm fine, just some of the food from last night I think," Meredith said sitting back resting her head in her arms.

"You weren't well in the OR the other day either, are you sure it's not the flu?" Meredith shook her head. "I don't know," she said her voice were sleepy. Derek got down to his knees and took his hand on her forehead. Meredith leaned against Derek's body, and sighted.

"You need more sleep, have you been awake the whole night?" Meredith stood up. "Almost, I couldn't sleep since I felt dizzy all the time." Derek got up too, and stood beside her. "We have a few more hours before we have to get up, let's sleep," he said and went back to the bed. Meredith followed him, and lay exhausted down at the bed.

Derek strokes her hair, and Meredith moaned in pleasure. She sank into Derek's chest and soon she drifted to sleep.

* * *

"You got the flu?" Cristina said coming up to her in the locker room. Meredith just gave her a look. "What, I didn't give it to you," she said crossing her arms. Alex came running into the locker room, with George in his heals.

"I swear I will KILL you," George said as Alex hurried into the bathroom. "What's going on between Bambi and Evil spawn?" Cristina said to Izzie, who came in right after Alex and George's little scene. "Apparently George is angry at Alex because he ruined George's almost new date, and now he want's to…"

"Kill Alex, yes we know," Meredith and Cristina said at the same time.

"Stevens, you're with Dr Danielson today, Karev you're…" Bailey stopped.

"Oh, Alex and George are having a little fight…" Izzie said biting her under lip.

"There will be serious consequences for them both. Yang you're with Dr Burke, he has requested you. Grey…" she looked up at Meredith. "You're not working today." Meredith lifted her eyebrows. "What?" Bailey shook her head. "Blame the chief, he told me you were sick so you're not working." Bailey left, and Cristina and Izzie looked at her with a surprised look.

"You're sick?"

Meredith rolled her eyes. "I was sick, and now Derek thinks I have the flu." Before any of them got to say something more, George and Alex came out of the bathroom. Alex with a blue eye, and they both looked like they couldn't take one more step without falling to the ground.

"So you guys are finish beating each other? Just so you know, Bailey's pretty angry at you both," Izzie said before she, Cristina and Meredith left the locker. George collapsed down at the bench, and Alex was silent. "Fuck you," George mumbled, without more strange to even make an angry face.

* * *

Meredith stepped into Derek's office without even bother to knock on the door. Derek looked up from his paperwork, finding his fiancée standing in front of him and she didn't look quite happy.

"You told Bailey I was sick?" Derek raised his eyebrows surprised. "Well, you are and I don't want to you to get worse…" Derek didn't get to finish before Meredith interrupted him. "Derek?" Meredith walked over to his side and sat down at his lap.

"Have you been throwing up since this morning?" Derek asked taking his hand to her cheek, looking her in her eyes. Meredith could never lie to those eyes, and looked down. "No, well yes but I feel fine now." She tried to smile, but Derek new her. He kissed her forehead.

"You're not fine until I say you're fine." He took her left hand up, and started taking the bandage off. "Squeeze my finger," Derek said, and Meredith took her fingers around Derek's finger and squeezed it. "Hold up two fingers." Meredith did as he said, and held up two fingers.

"Good," Derek said looking at the wound he had cut up twice. "Does this hurt?" he said squeezing the wound carefully. Meredith shook her head. Derek took the bandage on again, and strokes her left arm. "We'll take it off in two or three days," Derek said smiling.

Meredith, who had tried to be angry at Derek since he didn't let her work, couldn't hold back the smile anymore. "Thank you," she whispered. "For what?" Derek said as he still strokes her arm. "For being the one to operate, even the second time," Meredith said looking into his deep blue eyes; she had fell in love with the first time she had seen them.

Derek felt how his heart made a jump, when she said that. Looking into her eyes he saw how much she loved him, and that made him just love her more.

"My pleasure," he said so she could barely hear him. He leaned into her, cupped her face in his hands. "I love you," Derek said before he kissed her. Meredith broke the kiss.

"I love you too," she said sinking into his chest. "Can I stay at your office?" Meredith suddenly said. "Well since your not working I guess you can, but I will be in surgery almost the entire day." Meredith putted her head up from his chest.

"When do you start you first surgery?" Derek looked at his watch. "In fifteen minutes," he said and sighted. "I will check on you when the surgery is done, and you get some rest." Meredith stood up, and felt the dizziness coming back. Derek stood up, and grabbed her arm.

"You're far from well," he admitted, and followed her over to the couch. She sat down, and leaned her head back. Derek found some water to her just before his pager went off. "Surgery," he said and bent down to her and kissed her on her cheek.

"See you later, and try to sleep," he said and headed to the door.

* * *

Meredith lay at Derek's coach thinking. She had been walking from the bathroom and back to the coach the past hour. She was feeling much better now, but something inside of her told her this wasn't flu. She stood up, and headed to Derek's private bathroom, the same room she had been in a lot lately.

But this time she didn't need to puke, she needed a shower. She turned the water on, unclothed her selves and walked into the shower and her body finally relaxed. She was still tired, and she hadn't got much sleep. She closed her eyes and let the hot water stream down her face.

Derek was just finish with his second surgery. He was supposed to check Meredith after the first one, but got paged before he reached his office. Now he was on his way back to his office again. As he opened the door to his office he noticed Meredith wasn't on the coach.

The carpet she had used lied there all messed up, but no Meredith. Just as he tough she had left, he heard the shower was on. He walked into his bathroom finding Meredith in his shower. He smiled when he saw her eyes were closet, and she lent to the glass.

"Feeling better?" Derek said leaning against the wall watching her. Meredith quickly opened her eyes when she head Derek's voice. "Oh, you scared me," she said, turning the water off. She stepped out of the shower and took a towel around her. She looked around in the bathroom searching for her clothes.

"Derek," she said as she started looking. "Where's my bra," she said trying to see if he held it behind his back. Derek smiled. "Derek, give me it," she said serious. "I will, but only if I get a kiss first." Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Fine," she said and leaned towards him. Derek wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. Their lips touched, but only for a second. "Now, give me the bra," Meredith said stubborn. "I don't have it," Derek said grinning. "What?"

Derek took his hands so she could see them. "Empty, I don't have it." Meredith took her hands on her waist. "You did that just to get a kiss right?" Derek nodded. Meredith started looking again, when the dizziness once more came over her. Derek saw her, and grabbed her arms.

"Sit down," Derek commando. Derek picked the bra up from the floor, and gave it to her. She was about to stand up again, but Derek stopped her. "Sit," he said giving her the rest of her clothes.

"I'll go find a pill for you, you're not good." Meredith sighted, and Derek left. She started to get dressed, but figured out it would be much easier if she stood.

* * *

Derek was finished for the day, and headed back to Meredith. She stood outside his office waiting for him. "So the chief has finally finished for the day?" Derek smiled. "How are you doing?" he said looking right into her green eyes.

"Much better," Meredith said truly. "Good," Derek said, and took her hand. "Ready to go home?"

"Defiantly," Meredith replied, and they walked together out of the hospital. She knew something was going on, something was happening. But she couldn't think about it.

She wouldn't think about, at least not now.

* * *

_You feel helpless, but you're not,_

_You feel pain, but why?_

_If you were sick you would have known_

_It's driving you crazy not to know _

_How can you explain,_

_What's happening?_

* * *

**A/N: So as I said the story is turning another way, and soon there will be a huge chance. Oh, and you may think whats going to happen is sweet but I like writing drama, so never say never!!**

**Anyway thanks for reading!!**

**PLEASE REWIEW: )**

**Updates soon!!**


	23. Chapter 23 Shocking News

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 23**_

_**Name of Chapter: Shocking News **_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

"Want to study together? The intern exam is in one week." Cristina stood over Meredith. "Are you still sick?" Meredith gave her a look. "What? I'm just asking since you're lying on a bench and…" 

"Its worse," Meredith interrupted. Cristina lifted her eyebrows. "If you're not sick, and you throw up…" Cristina stopped as she saw Meredith's face. "Shut up," Meredith said as she sat up.

"You're oh my god, Mer…" The few people who had been in the locker room left.

"ARE YOU PREGNANT? SERIOUSLY? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?"

"HEY, it's not like I wanted this to happen…" Cristina sat down beside her. "Does Derek know?" Meredith shook her head. "Are you going to tell him?"

"Of course, but not yet, I mean I can wait a few more days or weeks." Meredith turned to look at Cristina. "Well what are you going to do?"

"With the baby? I don't know. I have to talk to Derek and…" she sighted. "I don't know, I know Derek want's kids, but I think it's too soon. Were now married yet, and I have the intern exam and then we will be residents." Some one came into the locker. "Don't you dare tell anyone…"

"The last time you said that you ended up in surgery…"

"Cristina," Meredith said, and Cristina knew this was something she couldn't tell anyone. "Fine," she mumbled. "Lets go before we get late to rounds," Cristina said and they left.

* * *

"Conrad." Meredith entered the room. "How are you doing?" she said and looked at his chart. "When will I get out of here?" he whined. "You just have brain surgery, and we need to observe you a few days."

"Great, my parents really know how to suck up my life," he mumbled. "They were worried about you, and tool you to the hospital…" Meredith said before Conrad interrupted. "I'm 18, and I don't need them to tell me what to do anymore."

"They are still your parents."

"Don't you try to defend them. They have ruined my chance to be a baseball player and I can't ever run again. They didn't do me a favor at all. Fuck them." Meredith putted the chart down and walked over to his bedside. "You really shouldn't be mad at them, they're just doing what they think is for the best. You're their child."

"I'm not a child anymore, and I don't need them." Meredith sighted. "They care about you…"

"Yeh, like making your life like crap, you know you are just like them, my parents. I really feel sorry for your child if you have one."

Those words were stuck in Meredith and she looked shocked. Her patient had just told her that she would probably be a bad mother. Meredith took the chat up and walked to the door.

"This is just what they do too. Walk away." Meredith took one last glance at the boy before she disappeared out of the room. He was just a boy who was having a hard time after brain surgery, and still she got wrapped by those words.

Would she become a bad mother? Would she be just like her own mother? The though made her sick, not to dimension the morning sickness she still had. She ran towards the bathroom, and bent down and emptied her stomach. She slide down to the floor, and slammed her head in the wall.

"Damn it," she mumbled when her pager went off. _911 room 2234_. That was Conrad. She didn't want to go back there, but he was her patient. She stood up and ran to the room. "Dr Grey were have you been?" Bailey came up to her.

"When I page you 911, you will come immediately." A nurse came over to them. "Dr Grey, he's having a seizure you need to come." Meredith gave Bailey a quick look, before she rushed into the room.

* * *

"So you want to study together or not?" Cristina said pealing a banana. "Sure, but were studying at your apartment, I can't have Izzie and George around." 

"Burke's apartment," Cristina corrected. "So he's accepting you choice about not being religious?" Cristina stopped chewing. "I though we were talking about you. Have you told Shep yet?" Meredith sighted. "I will tell him, but as I said not yet. It doesn't matter if I wait a few days, or maybe a week, after the exam maybe." Cristina smirked.

"What? It's not funny, I will tell him."

"Yeh, right. He won't get to know it before your water brakes and you're giving birth," she said grinning. Meredith gave her an evil look and stood up. "You're not telling anyone before I've told Derek," Meredith threatens.

* * *

"Conrad?" Derek walked into the room. "You had a seizure, and that caused your tumor to move. We may have to operate you a second time, and remove the rest of the tumor." Meredith stood behind Derek and watched the conversation. "Dr Grey here will check you later."

"Oh, yeah Dr Grey how _great_." The way he said great made Derek turned around. "Dr Grey?" he said to Meredith and they walked out in the hall. "You want to tell me what that was all about?" Meredith looked surprised at him.

"Are you mad at me of something?" Derek looked away. "O'Malley will take over for you," he said before he turned around and left. "What?" Meredith said running after him. "You're off the case Meredith," he said angry.

"Derek what's going on with you?" Meredith almost whispered. Derek just shook his head.

Was he mad at her? Had she done something? She sighted before she headed to the ER to find George. And had he called her Dr Grey?

* * *

"Grey? Don't you have a patient?" Bailey said coming up to her. "Not anymore. He's O'Malley's patient now." Bailey lifted her eyebrows, and Meredith suspected her to ask why but she didn't. She just nodded and called over. "Dr Stevens get this guy to CT," she turned around. 

"Dr Grey you're doing sutures," she said before she stormed off to a new case. "I can't wait to be a resident," Meredith mumbled to her selves before she went to find her "super" cases. All the time thinking about Derek and what he had said. And not to dimension Derek had got her to sutures when he putted her away from her patient. "

Right now I hate you Dr Shepherd," she mumbled in her lips.

"Suturing? Didn't you have a patient?" Cristina said after Meredith had told her about her last four hours she had spent in the clinic. "I had a patient before Derek decided to give the patient to George, and send me on suturing." Cristina opened her moth.

"What? You pissed him off or something? You didn't fell asleep during…" Meredith cut her off. "No Cristina I didn't fell asleep during sex. And I haven't done anything to piss him off. I have absolutely no idea why he's mad at me." Cristina smirked.

"Well I got a really good surgery today." Meredith gave her an angry glare. "Thanks I don't want to hear about it," she said before she got up from the stool, and left the hall. "I'll keep it for later," Cristina called after her and grinned. "Meet me 6.30 at Burke's?"

Meredith waved her hand as a yes.

* * *

Derek was finish for the day, and looked for Meredith. Just as he entered the locker room, he finds her sitting there. Without a word to each other they left the hospital and drove home to Meredith's house. "So?" Meredith began not looking at Derek. 

"Are you mad at me for something?" Meredith tried, but still he didn't respond. "Derek," she said keeping her voice down. Derek just shook his head, not taking his eyes away from the road.

As they stepped into the house, Derek finally said something. "Why," he said more as a sentence and as a question. Meredith turned to face him. "Why didn't you tell me," he said again this time with anger in his voice. Meredith opened her mouth to speak, but she was speechless. _Did Derek know? Was he talking about her pregnancy? Had he heard her and Cristina talking?_

"Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant," Derek screamed to her. Meredith made a jump in surprise, before she stared straight into his dark blue loving eyes that were just filled with anger. "I, I was going to tell you Derek, really I was I just tough I should wait until after the intern exam and…" Derek shook his head, before he walked into the kitchen, and slammed the door shut after him.

"Derek, please…" she said coming after him. She tried to open the door, but it was locked. She stood there for a long time, waiting for him to open it but the door stayed close. In the end she sighted. "Derek, I'm going over to Cristina. Were studying together for the intern exam, but I will be back later." She turned around and left.

* * *

Meredith knocked on the door to Cristina and Burke's apartment. "Hey," Cristina said smiling when she opened the door. Meredith walked inside, and found Izzie, George and Alex sitting in the sofa. "Cristina," Meredith whispered. 

"Why did you invite them?" Cristina grinned. "Because then we can have a competition, want to be on my team?" Cristina said smiling. Meredith shook her head.

"Fine, I'll play your stupid game. Let's show them why we became doctors." Cristina grinned even more, and they took a seat beside the others and the game started. Meredith tried to have a good time and learn something, but her fight with Derek was in her head all the time.

Suddenly she got a message from Derek. She took her phone up and started reading it.

* * *

_Talk later when you get back?_

_Don't come too late._

_L U, _

_D_

* * *

Meredith made a little smile. Sure he was still mad at her for not telling her, but now he wanted to talk about it and that was a good thing. Besides L U, D stood for Love You, Derek.

"Are you alright?" Izzie said looking at her phone. Meredith smiled. "I'm just fine, let's finish this." She felt good now, after she got the message from Derek.

* * *

_I'll come home soon._

_We'll talk then,_

_L U too,_

_M_

* * *

**A/N: So now you know what was going on with her. Some of you guessed she would be pregnant, and was the idea from the beginning. I know whats going to happen next, and like I said before I like writing drama-so I won't be just brigh and shiny even if there will be good moments. Derek has finally got over the shock, and now Meredith and Derek will have a conversation. Anyway continue to read, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!!**

**Remember to REWIEW!!**

**More updates soon: )**


	24. Chapter 24 Maybe I know

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 24**_

_**Name of Chapter: Maybe I Know**_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

Meredith stepped inside her house. I was all dark, and she could nearly see the furniture's.

"Derek?" she called as she took her coat off and left it on a chair. "Kitchen," Derek called back. Meredith and stepped inside the kitchen door and found Derek sitting with the table sipping a cup coffee. She dumped down beside him, and took her first glare at him.

"I was going to tell you," Meredith said quickly, stumbling in her words. Derek looked up at her before she continued. "I just though I should wait some days, just think about it and…" They were both silent for a moment before Meredith continued.

"I found out this morning, and I got really shocked and I panicked cause I didn't know how you would react or how I was going to tell the others and…I'm sorry and I ramble and well," Meredith took a deep breath and looked hopeful at Derek. His face had light up, and he was showing a little smile. "How did you find out?" Meredith said suddenly.

Derek couldn't hold back anymore and a big smile crossed his face. "It wasn't hard not to, Cristina screamed out loud in the locker room as I just passed by." Meredith nodded a little smile found the way to her face too. "But why did you tell Cristina?" Meredith shook her head. I didn't she guessed it, and well Cristina just knows everything and…" Meredith cut her selves off. "I'm sorry Derek, I really am. I should have told you, you have the right to know." Derek nodded and smiled again.

"Now I know." Meredith smiled too. After a long pause Derek finally spoke. "So what are you going to do?" Meredith froze a bit, and her smile disappeared. She shook her head. "I don't know Derek. You want kids and I want kids I think, but I don't know if this is the right timing. I have the intern exam in a week and then I will be a resident and well…I'm rambling again too." Derek studied her face, her eyes. He was searching for something, a little detail in her that told him what she though.

"It's your decision Meredith, and I don't want to pressure you or tell you what to do. But I want you to know that I will stand by you no matter what you decide, I will support you." Meredith nodded and their eyes met. "Do what you feel is right, I won't be disappointed." Derek reached for Meredith's hand and squeezed it.

"Just tell me things, okay? Tell what you decide and talk to me." Meredith nodded and squeezed his hand back. "I will."

* * *

"You told him?" Cristina said catching up with her in the elevator. "He found out," Meredith replied as they stepped into the elevator. 

"How?" Meredith laughed short. "Someone was apparently screaming it out in the locker room yesterday," she said cold. Cristina wide opened her eyes, "Seriously?" Meredith nodded. "Seriously." "So, what did he say?" Meredith sighted.

"He told me it's my decision, that I should decide what I think is for the best and…he wouldn't be disappointed" Cristina leant back to the wall.

"What was your first though when you found out? Keeping the baby? Was abortion your first though?" Cristina looked surprised at her. "Oh, uhm…" The elevator doors went open, and Cristina hurried out.

"I have to go, I'll see you later," she said quickly and disappeared around a corner, and the elevator doors shut close again.

* * *

"Gabriella Thompson, 17 have been having a seizure. Is 28 weeks pregnant. We are taking her for an exam later, to see if the foster is okay. Dr Grey will look after you, and I'll be back later." The attending said and left the room. "Gabriella, how are you feeling?" Meredith said studying her chart. "I feel just fine now, and the headache is gone." 

Gabriella was a sweet young girl with dark curls and chocolate brown eyes. "That's good," Meredith said smiling. "You think I'm too young to have a baby, right?" Meredith lifted her eyebrows. Gabriella smiled.

"You're not the only one. When my parents heard about it, they got shocked. My friends just laughed and told me to stop kidding. But I feel ready, more ready than I could ever been. When I told my boyfriend Chris, he's three years older than me, he got all exited and he really wants this baby. He didn't push me or anything, but then I just knew it. I knew this was something I could do, and that I was ready." Meredith listened carefully as Gabriella continued. "I am ready for this baby, and when she or he get's born I will raise this baby and love this baby."

Meredith smiled to the girl who seemed so happy and secure about this. "I think you will become a good mother," she said and took the chart under her arm. "I hope so, I will do my best." Meredith turned to face her again. "I uhm, have to go now but I'll be back later." She walked towards the door.

"I'll see you later Dr Grey," Gabriella said before Meredith left.

* * *

As she stumbled down at the nurse's station she met Cristina again. "Hi," Meredith said quickly. "I wasn't," Cristina started. 

"What?" Meredith said and looked like a question mark. "I wasn't going to keep the baby that was my first though. I didn't plan to tell Burke either." Meredith stood silent for a moment. "You knew what you wanted to do all the time," she finally said. "I knew," Cristina replied before she picked up a chart and walked down the hall.

_She knew from the very beginning what she was going to do. I don't know. _Meredith said to her selves. _Or maybe I do know. _She shook her head back to reality as her pager went off.

"Alex," Meredith said catching up with him. "Did Izzie page you…?" Before she got a chance to finish peaking, Alex interrupted. "She paged us all." He stopped for a second, before they both took off to the room.

* * *

"Meredith, Alex," Izzie whispered from the corridor. 

"What's going on?" George said coming up to them. "Believe me, you want to see this. But just so you know if we get cached there may be some big punishments for us. So, are you in?" Meredith, Alex and George looked at each other for a moment.

"Hell yeh," Meredith said. "Good," Izzie smiled and opened the door. "Oh, what's going on? You have a good case?" Cristina said coming up to them. "Even better," Izzie saidstill smiling.

"We _stole_ a good case." The other interns looked surprised at Izzie. "You're about to see something you have never seen in the medical books before." Izzie liked to make them exited.

"Let us see it," Cristina complained. Izzie opened the chart she had in her hand and gave it to Cristina. After a quick glare, Cristina wide opened her eyes. "No way," she said shook her head and the other interns stood closer to Cristina and tried to read the chart.

"I told you," Izzie said with a big grin.

* * *

**A/N: I'm really sorry for not posting before, but I had a busy week. This was a shorter chapter than the others and I apollgize for that too. I will try to update again after the weekend, but I can't promise anything!**

**Hoped you all enjoyed it, not so much MerDer scenes but I want to write a little about the intern group now before they gets residents! **

**The more rewiews I get, the more I want to write, so REWIEW!!!**


	25. Chapter 25 Last Day

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 25**_

_**Name of Chapter: Last Day**_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

"Seriously, I would never say no so see that," Alex said as the intern group came out of the room. "What the hell have you been doing? I've looked for you all over the place," Bailey said coming up to them. Before one of them got a chance to say something, Bailey spoke again. 

"If you don't have anything good to say, don't say it and get your ass down in the ER…NOW." The interns hurried down the hall and Bailey shook her head. "I know they're up to something, I just have to figure out what," she said to her selves, as she walked down the hall after them.

"Did you see Bailey's face?" Izzie said almost laughing. "She can't find out…" Izzie started.

"We have to pretend everything is normal or she will…"

"Band us from surgeries; put us on sutures..."

"rectal exams, she will…"

"Kill us," Cristina ended. They opened the door to the ER, finding people in every hospital bed in the room.

"Gosh," George said looking at an older man with a scissors in his stomach. "You better get started. This is your last day as interns and I want the job to be done properly. The rest of the week you will be studying for the intern exam." The interns turned to face Bailey who was tagging at them for the last time, at least as interns.

"Get started," Bailey said raising her voice. The group started to separate, and ran in all kind of directions to patients.

* * *

Alex, George and Cristina sat in the cafeteria as Izzie and Meredith came up them. 

"So who's in?" Izzie said sitting down beside George. The others interns raised their hands as a yes. "Okay so were doing a CT and find out what's inside those "breaths"," Izzie said looking exited. "If Bailey finds out she will make our last day as intern's a hell…"

"That's for sure," Alex and Meredith said together. Izzie waved her hand, her mouth full of chicken sandwich. "What's why we will be doing it now, after lunch cause Bailey's in surgery then."

The other interns stopped chewing, and suddenly they all got up and hurried down the hall. "I meant…" Izzie screamed. "After lunch," she said to her selves before she got up and followed them.

"Mr. Karakinos were going to do a blood test now to find out what you have inside your chest…" Mr. Karakinos stared at the intern group.

"I can't have breasts right? I'm a man…" "

I can tell you for sure that it's not breasts, beasts you have but something was growing inside there and the CT will show us what." Izzie opened the chart again. "You know they though I was physic when I told them my chest were actually growing to breasts…" Cristina stepped closer.

"When did you first discover it?" "About two months ago, and for one and a half I figured out something was really wrong."

"Uhm, will you excuse us for a moment Mr. Karakinos?" The interns stepped out in the hall. "We need some blood tests done and the CT, but we need an assignment from an…"

"Attending, right. How do we do that?" Alex said and sighted.

"We can't go to Burke or Bailey or…" Izzie's face got lighter. "Shepherd," she said looking at Meredith. "What?" Meredith said surprised. "Yes, you can get Derek's signature, Mer you can convince him…"

"And lie to him? He's the chief, you really think that's a good idea?" Cristina and the others nodded. "Uhm, Bailey," George said to warn the others. They all turned to see the upcoming Bailey.

"I'm going into a long surgery now and I need you to…check some patients and deliver some blood labs." She looked hard on them. "Don't do anything stupid; even if it is your last day as interns I still have the responsibility over you." She met their eyes, searching for something and when she didn't find anything she turned her back to them and left.

"Okay, Meredith go find Shep…"

"But what am I going to tell him?" Meredith said frustrate. "You'll come up with something, just make sure he signs the papers," Cristina said and the others left. "Great," she said lowed to her selves as she made her way to Derek's office.

* * *

"Derek, hi," she greeted as she found him in his office. Derek looked up from his desk finding his fiancé, no his pregnant fiancée standing nervous in front of him. "Hi there," he said back smiling. "I um, well me and…" She cut her selves off. 

"Can you sign these papers? There's a patient who needs a CT and well Bailey's in surgery and burkes not here and…" "Who does this patient belong to?" Derek asked looking at the papers Meredith had given him. Meredith sighted.

She couldn't lie; he could read her as a book. "We transferred a patient from physics to surgical cause he has growing breasts and we think there may be something in there but for sure we need a CT and someone has to sign those papers…"

"You stole a patient?" Derek said surprised. "Well um, no we, okay a kind off but he is a surgical patient and…" Derek had to smile. He made a quick sign and at the papers before he got up. "Now I'm the attending on the case, let's go." Meredith smiled too and they left the office, heading back to the patient's room.

"You can't tell Bailey, or Burke or anyone else but special Bailey. She's like a war machine today, but anyway…don't tell the other interns that I told you. You have to say you found out, and the patient thinks we were allowed to transfer him, so you can't tell him…"

"That you stole him?" Derek finished, and smiled at her. "Just do as I said." Meredith stopped outside the patient's room. "And you have to tell physic that he's transferred, they won't accept an intern doing that…" Derek putted his hand on top of her mouth."I got it, stop worrying. I'll go give these papers to the nurse," he said and walked to the end of the hall to the nurse's station passing by Cristina.

"You got his signature?" Cristina said coming up to her. Meredith nodded. "Yeh, and Derek." Cristina lifted her eyebrows. "He's helping us with the case…"

"You told him?" Meredith shook her head. "Oh yes you did. Seriously you think that was a good idea?" Meredith lifted her shoulders. "We won't get too far without an attending anyway. It's not like we can put him into surgery by ourselves." They stood there silent for a moment. "So, you and Burke?" Meredith started. "Were fine," Cristina said quickly.

"Does he still think you should be religious?" Meredith asked curious. "Nope, he's been giving up on that," Cristina replies short playing with her watch. "So you're good?"

"We're good." Meredith nodded. "Good." Derek came up to them and broke the awkward silent. "Now he illegally at our service and he take's for a CT in about 20 minutes." Cristina opened the door to the patient's room and they stepped inside finding Izzie, Alex and George. "Dr…"

"Shepherd," George finished for Izzie. "Hi. Mr. Karakinos," Derek said coming closer to him.

"I'm Dr Shepherd as you already know," he said taking a quick glare at Izzie and George. "I'm the Nero specialist and the chief at the surgical floor." Derek explained the procedure to Mr. Karakinos as the interns sent Meredith weird glares.

"Dr Yang and Dr Grey here will take you for a CT now. I'll be back later," Derek finished before he left. "I have to say there's a lot of doctors her," Mr. Karakinos said and Izzie smiled to him. "We will be back soon," she said and Alex, Izzie and George left.

"Then let's get you for a CT Mr. Karakinos," Meredith said smiling.

"Please call me Benjamin."

* * *

"Pretty good surgery hah? Not bad for being your last as an intern," Derek said and he and Meredith stood over the sink. 

"Can't complain," Meredith replied back, grinning. They stood there washing in silent, before Derek suddenly asked. "Have you made a decision yet?" Meredith didn't look at him and took some paper to dry her hands.

"Not yet." Derek nodded as he also dried his hands. "I'll see you at home?" Meredith said before she stepped out of the sink room. Derek stood left, thinking about the surgery. The surgery Mr. Karakinos had had been successful, and he would be just normal again.

What if everything were that easy to fix?

_Not all problems has an easy decision._

_There's not short cut's on everything._

_Something is suppose to be harder, or it wouldn't be so special._

His mother use to say that. He had never really figured out what she meant with that, not before he met Meredith.

Meredith wasn't a short cut, or an easy woman to fix. She was hard and tuff, but she was worth it. Meredith was worth it, and he could wait until she was ready. A few other people came into the sink room, and Derek left.

He headed back to his office. "Dr Shepherd," he heard a familiar voice behind him.

"Miranda," he said turning around to face her. "Excuse me?" Derek smiled. "Fine, I'll just call you bailey then." Bailey shook her head.

"You think you're charming, but going behind my back like that I can not allow you to. You may be my boss, you may be all or our boss but supporting my interns for steeling a patient…"

"It's their last day, tomorrow and the rest of the week they will be studying." Bailey shut her arms out. "They were right you know?" Derek said lifting his eyebrows before he carried on.

"Of course they were," Bailey mumbled as she shook her head and left the hall.

* * *

As Derek parked with the house, he saw a light on in the kitchen. He smiled, and walked inside. As he came to the kitchen door, he saw Meredith with her head over a cooking book. He grinned when he saw her face. It looked like she read a book on Greek and didn't understand something at all. 

"Hi," he said stepping into the kitchen. "Oh, you're home," Meredith said surprised as she closed the book and sat down with the table. Derek sat down on the opposite of her, and she gave him a plate with spaghetti.

"You made this?" Derek said looking at Meredith. Yes why?" Derek smiled. "Oh nothing, it looks very good," he said smiling.

"So, uhm…" Meredith started as Derek ate. He looked at her and smiled. "It's good, thank you." Meredith nodded. "I wasn't going to ask about that," she said and Derek stopped chewing.

"I have decided now. I know what I'm going to do…about the baby."

Derek played full attention at her as she looked at him…

_Will be continued_

* * *

**A/N: So I wanted to make their last day as Interns a little special so I had this crasy case. I also made this chapter a little longer for you guys: ) Anyway Meredith has made a decision now, and let's hope I pleasures Derek...have a lot more drama coming up soon, so read and rewiew. Got quite few rewiews on the last chapter so I hope I get more rewiews now: )**

**Remember to REWIEW!!!!**

**More updates soon: P**


	26. Chapter 26 Everytime We Touch

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 26**_

_**Name of Chapter: Everytime We Touch**_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

_I have decided now. I know what I'm going to do…about the baby."_

_Derek played fully attention to her as she looked at him…_

* * *

"And I…" Derek reached out and took her hand. Even if he didn't say anything, Meredith could read it in his eyes. He looked hopeful, and understanding, just waiting for her to speak. She gave him a short nod. 

"I'm keeping it. I'm keeping the baby." Derek's eyes lighted up before a grin placed on his face.

"But are you sure about this? I mean really, really sure? Is this what…?" Meredith cut him off. "Yes Derek, this is what I want. I want a baby…with you." Tears started to firm I Meredith's eyes and Derek got up from his chair. Meredith did the same and before she knew it, Derek swung her around, hugging her tight. "God, I love you. So much," Derek said as they both laughed.

"I love you too," Meredith said blinking away the tears. "What do you think Cristina will say, and Izzie and George?" Derek pulled away, but just for a moment to look into Meredith's green eyes. A smile firmed Meredith's mouth. "Let's set a date," she said playing with Derek's dark curls. "What?" Derek said not understanding.

"A wedding date," Meredith explained. Derek smiled, and putted a hand on her belly. "This little girl, or boy has to be born fist, don't you think?" Meredith laughed. "Do you expect me to wear that wedding dress with a huge belly? No way."

They stood there for a moment, just looking at each other, breathing each other in. Derek with one hand placed at Meredith's belly, and the other cupping her face. "What do you think it is," Meredith said suddenly. "What is?" Derek replied still looking straight into her eyes, into her soul.

"The baby is it a boy or a girl?" Derek looked down at her belly. "Defiantly a little girl, don't you think?" Meredith laughed. "Well in that case, mommy and I say that daddy should sit down and finish his spaghetti, 'cause mommy and I are going over to Aunt Cristina to study for mommy's intern exam." Derek gave her a quick kiss on her cheek.

"I'll be back later," she said waving her hand. When she had left Derek sat down with the kitchen table again. During his meal he thought about Meredith and the baby all the time. He was going to be a father.

* * *

"Okay, what about this?" Izzie said reading from a medical book. "The symptoms of a man around 60 are: shaking nearly all the time. Finds it difficult to walk, use his hands to write and to pick up stuff…" Cristina and George stood staring intense at each other. "Come on, what is it?" Izzie said whining. Cristina opened her mouth but closed it again. "I know it, it's just…" George started. 

"Parkinson syndrome," Meredith said coming up to them. "Oh, hi Mer. We didn't hear you coming," George said. "Excellent, the seat is your's," izzie said standing up. "Ready?" Meredith said smiling. "Hell yeh," Cristina replied. "Okay, four letters, the first one is G, and the words opinion is…"

"GnRH," George spitted out. Izzie and Cristina stood speechless looking at George and Meredith as they switched places. "One point for O'Malley," George said and Meredith laughed. "You guys are really happy today," Cristina mumbled.

"Just bright and shiny, that's all," Meredith replied grinning. "I bet Cristina takes this one," Izzie said as they waited for George. "What does ERCP stands for?" Cristina waved her hands up as she answer. "Endoscopic retrograde chdangio pancreatiografi. Defiantly mine," she said laughing evil as George got up from the chair.

They studied together all night, until Meredith found out she should get home, and so did Izzie and George.

"I'm going straight to bed," Izzie said as she slowly made her way to the stairs. "Me too," George said following her. Meredith watched them for a second before she headed to the kitchen. "Der…" she started but cut her selves off when she faced an empty room. The light was still on, and there was a piece of paper lying on the bench.

* * *

_Mer,_

_Got paged from the hospital and had to go. Won't be back before late, so don't stay up waiting for me. _

_Get some rest and I'll see you at the hospital tomorrow. _

_Love U and our little growing one!!_

_D_

* * *

Meredith smiled when she read the last sentence. She turned the light off before she headed up to her bedroom.

* * *

"Mer," she heard a voice called. "What, Iz?" she said sleepy, turning her head around to escape the sun light from the bedroom window. "It's 9 o'clock and were taking a quick visit at the hospital for some books and stuff…studying Mer." Izzie came closer to her bedside and 

Meredith could smell the coffee. She opened her eyes seeing Izzie standing there fully dressed and ready to go. "Give me that," Meredith ordered, as she got out of bed and grabbed the cup from Izzie. "I'm having a shower. I'll meet you at the hospital," she said before she closed the bathroom door behind her. Izzie just lifted her eyebrows. "What's going on with her?" She said to her selves as she headed to the stairs.

After the shower Meredith drove to the hospital. As she stepped inside the main entrance she saw Derek sitting in his office in deep thoughts.

"Hi," Meredith said as she opened the door to his office. He looked up and smiled. "Hi." Meredith came closer to him and settled down in a chair. "Did you come home last night?" Derek nodded. "Around 3 o'clock." Meredith smiled.

"Not much sleep though." Derek shook his head. "Not quite. By the way aren't you going to study here today? Weren't you going to meet at 10 o'clock?" Meredith looked at her watch and wide opened her eyes. "Oh gosh," she said and hurried up, giving Derek a quick kiss before she left.

"This is why I don't sleep to 9 o'clock in the morning," Izzie mumbled as Meredith stormed into the room, facing all the other surgical interns. "Nice of you to join us Dr Grey," the teacher said as Meredith sat down at an empty chair beside Cristina. The teacher, Dr Harold explained some stuff about the exam, before each of them got some books. "I hope you all study well now, and I wish you all good luck."

They left the room, and outside in the hall Cristina came up to Meredith. "So have you decided yet?" Meredith gave Cristina a glare. "Cristina someone can hear us. I don't want the entire hospital to know." Cristina smiled evil. "You are keeping it, aren't you?" Meredith's mouth flipped into a smile. "Oh my god." Meredith grinned now.

"When I told Derek he went to 7th heaven." Cristina laughed. "So I guessed." Izzie and Alex came up to them followed by George. "What are you guys talking about?" Izzie said eating an apple. "Oh…well uhm, nothing…" Cristina started, and Meredith still grinned. "I'm pregnant," Meredith said and Cristina looked shocked.

"I thought you wanted to keep it a secret," she said still shocked. "No way," Alex said speaking first. Izzie just looked at her and gaped with a half done apple in her hand. "Well, congratulation," George said giving Meredith a smile. Izzie shook her head before her eyes settled on Meredith again. "That's well…that's great, really it was just…""Shocking yeah I know. I was shocked my selves when I found out," Meredith said with a short laugh.

"If I were you, I would have been studying for my intern exam now," Bailey said behind them. They all turned to face their resident. Or more correct, their old resident. "We were…uhm on our way Dr Bailey," George said and the others got ready to leave. "Good lick then," Bailey said giving them one last glance. "You will need it." She left and the intern group walked down the hall to find a place to study.

"In the end of our intern year, Bailey is still Bailey," Meredith said and the others nodded.

* * *

As Derek came home, he found Meredith sitting in the living room deep down in a medical book. "Still reading?" he said smiling. 

"Mhm…" Meredith replied not looking up at him. Where is Izzie and George?" he said sitting down beside her. "Joe's," Meredith mumbled. He sat closer to her to see what she was reading. "Bronchur huh?" He said still smiling. When Meredith didn't reply Derek closed her book.

"Derek…" Meredith started but got cut off by Derek's lips. Meredith smiled trough their lips by his touch. Derek was amazing; his lips, his hair, his body and his charm. And every time he touches her, the world stops. And her heart beats faster. God, how much she want's it to last.

_I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me_

_I still feel your touch in my dreams_

_Forgive me my weakness but I don't know why_

_Without you it's hard to survive_

Her books slide's down from the coach as Derek wraps his arms around her. Pulling her top off he kisses her neck and down to her stomach. He lay down and Meredith lay on top of him. Their kissing got more intense.

'_Cause everytime we touch I get this feeling_

_And everytime we kiss I swear I can fly_

_Can't you feel my heart beat fast I want this to last_

_Need you by my side_

'_Cause everytime we touch I feel ecstatic _

_And everytime we kiss I reach for the sky_

_Can't you feel my heart beat slow I can't let you go_

_Want you in my life_

"Derek," Meredith moaned as he reached down to her spot. Meredith strokes her hands down his chest and his back. Screaming for more, for him to touch her, to kiss her and making love to her.

_Your arms are my castle _

_Your heart is my sky_

_They wipe away tears that I cry_

_The good and the bad times we've been trough them all_

_You make me rise when I fall_

Their lips met again. Soft, and wet from the tears she had cried. It tasted salt, but happiness. They were happy tears.

_Make this last forever_, Meredith said in her head. Laying there naked on top of Derek and feeling his warmth from his body. Listening to his heart beats. It was perfect. Everything was perfect. At least now, in this moment the only thing that matters was this.

'_Cause everytime we touch I get this feeling_

_And everytime we kiss I swear I can fly_

_Can't you feel my heart beat fast I want this to last_

_Need you by my side_

'_Cause everytime we touch I feel ecstatic _

_And everytime we kiss I reach for the sky_

_Can't you feel my heart beat slow I can't let you go_

_Want you in my life_

She really loved this man, so much. More than anything else, and right now more than life!

* * *

_I could lie like this forever_

'_Cause your touch amazes me_

_You're amazing _

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for not posting before. Now you finally got the answer, and she decided to go ahead with the baby. Things are bright and shiny now, but it won't last forever...always new problems right? That's all I'm saying...continue to read and find out!!**

**Anyway hope you liked the chapter, and please REWIEW!!**

**Updates soon!**

**-Christine **


	27. Chapter 27 Lucky Us

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 27**_

_**Name of Chapter: Lucky Us**_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

"31st of December," Meredith spat out suddenly. "What?" Both Izzie and Cristina said. They were sitting at Meredith's kitchen, studying and drinking coffee to stay consented. "That's it," Meredith spoke again grinning. Izzie and Cristina just looked at each other. "She's gone crazy," Izzie admitted taking another sip of her coffee. "Probably just her hormones. She's been acting all weird the last two days…" Izzie cut Cristina off. 

"It could be too much caffeine," Izzie said. They both studied Meredith as she danced happily around in the kitchen. "She's…happy. Dark and twisty Meredith is happy, too happy."

"I blame the mc baby," Meredith said joining their conversation. "What do you think it is. A boy or a girl?" she said looking at Cristina. Izzie smiled. "A boy," she said looking at Cristina. "A baby is a baby to me," Cristina said not interesting at all. "Derek thinks it is a girl. But what do you think about 31st of December. I mean then the baby will be born and all…"

"Wait, are you talking about your wedding day? A year before?" Meredith gave Cristina a look. "We're in July and well…yeah…"

"You know what, lets just study," Cristina said giving them a fake smile. "Just think how sweet it will be. With a little baby and all the baby clothes and…"

Cristina just stared cold at Izzie. "Fine, Cristina Yang, tell me what Angina pectoris's symptoms are." Cristina lifted her eye brows, looking surprised at Izzie

* * *

"You're home early," Meredith said coming up to Derek who had just entered the main door. "I am?" He said as he greeted her with a smile. "Cristina and Izzie just left. I think they went to Joe's or something." Derek nodded as he took his jacked off. 

"You know we should take a night at Joe's too. Just hanging out, you and me…" Derek's mind got cut of by Meredith's waving arms. "I've found out two things today," she said smiling proudly, as she walked towards the kitchen. "Really?" Derek teased, following her. "I have a perfect wedding date, and I know what I want to specialist in." Derek smiled, sitting down on a chair. "What do you think about 31st of December next year? I mean I think that would be a perfect day and…"

"That's great," Derek interrupted her. "You think so?" Meredith said sitting down on his lap. "I know so," he replied kissing her cheek. "And this might not surprise you so much, but I want to specialist in Nero surgeon." Derek's smile got wider as he brought her face closer to his. Slowly their lips met. Just quick, like a habit, before the pulled away.

"That's two very intelligent things you found out today," Derek said his voice soft and playful. Meredith shook her head. "No sex tonight. I promised Izzie to watch some medical tapes of my mother." Meredith stood up, making her way to the coffee machine. "Are you alright with that?" Meredith turned around. "It's fine really, and we do learn a lot of it though." Derek got up and headed to the freezer.

"I though about pizza today," he said pulling out a pizza Izzie had bought the other day. "I'll warm it up and then we can have a meal together." Meredith lighted up. "Yeah that would be great, I'm starving." Derek smiled. "Pizza it'll be then."

* * *

_Two days before the intern exam!_

"This is Deja Vo. It's like I'm repeating med school," Cristina said slamming the door shut behind her. "But you are repeating med school…"

"At least a kind off," George mumbled, opening a beer. "What are you all guys doing?" Cristina said stepping into the living room. "Were watching some medical tapes of…"

"Ellis Grey?" Cristina said lifting her eyebrows. "This is like the third night," Alex said peeling some nuts. "Wait, you've been doing this without me" Cristina said clearly angry. No one said something, just looked quickly and then back to the screen.

"What am I really looking at?" Cristina asked focusing on the area where Ellis Grey held the clamp. "Right now, you're looking into a liver," Meredith replied rubbing her eyes. "I'm going to bed now, but you just watch more," she said pulling the blanked she had had over her, away.

"Sleep well," George said halt talking to her, half watching intense the screen. "Is there any alcohol left?" Cristina asked as Meredith disappeared upstairs. "I think so. Meredith didn't drink any because it's not good for the baby…so there might be," Izzie said grasping some pop corn from the huge boil. "Okay, okay. Here's the best part. Watch," Izzie said, and Cristina came running from the kitchen with a half opened bottle of whine.

"Is she?" Cristina started. "She's pulling out the whole damn thing," Alex replied.

"If I fail my intern exam because I write that I would pull out the liver, fix it and put it back in…I'll blame Ellis Grey," Cristina admitted and the other ones laughed.

* * *

"For how long did you stay up last night?" Meredith asked Alex in the hall. "Late," Izzie answered coming out of the locker room. "I can't wait until this exam is over. I need a surgery," Cristina complained, putting her lab coat on. "Me too," Meredith mumbled. "Why are we here today anyway?" Izzie said taking a sip of her latte. "Uhm, were going to learn about some special stuff so…" 

"So that the attending can be sure we're not killing anyone when we're on our own," Alex finished for George. "Who's teaching us?" Cristina asked but she got her answer when she looked down the hall. "No way," Meredith said gaping. "Oh my god," Cristina and Izzie said.

"There you are. I've been looking all over the place for you guys. Then I came down to the locker room, and here you are. Okay, so; Izzie, George, Meredith, Alex and Cristina," the woman said pointing at them. "How nice it is to see you all. We're gonna have so much fun together, aren't we?" she said smiling to the half dead group.

"Sydney," Izzie said and tried to smile. "You know I think we were assigned to Dr Hahn today," Cristina tried, and the others nodded. "Actually you were assigned to Dr Montez, but then I got you instead, isn't that great? Well anyway let's get started," Sydney said, giving them another warm smile. "This day can't get any worse," Cristina whispered to Meredith as they followed Sydney down the corridor.

"She can start with the; heal with love thing though," Alex pointed out. "Right," Cristina started. "The last time she did that, I missed a good surgery because of her." Izzie shook her head. "She was my "boss" after the Denny thing. I got stuck up with her the entire day." Cristina nodded "Yeah and you involved me too."

"Uhm, she can hear us," George warned. "So guys are you ready to get started?" Sydney said turning to face them. "And I don't want any of you to be scared; this is just a little test." She smiled and pointed at Meredith.

"Would you go first Meredith?" Meredith lifted her eyebrows. "Great, and then George can be next. You just wait here until we get back." The others sighted as Meredith left with Sydney.

"It's physically painful to be around her," Alex mumbled. "Why do we always get stuck with the bad ones?" George whined. "Cause we're Bailey's interns," Izzie answered. "Lucky us," Alex admitted.

"We should get her a nickname," Cristina said leaning against the door.

"Defiantly," the others said as they sat down in the corridor.

* * *

"What are you all still doing here?" Bailey said standing in front of her last year interns. "Oh Dr Bailey we were just finishing…" Izzie started, but got cut off by Bailey. "Go home, study." The group jumped up from the bed they were sitting on, and hurried down the hall. Bailey shook her head before she grasped some of the snacks they had left. 

"Meredith, can we watch some more tapes of your mother tonight?" Cristina asked in the locker room. "No tonight we're just studying. "But, I missed like three nights…"

"I said no," Meredith slammed her locker door shut before she left. Cristina opened her mouth. "Hormones," Izzie said pulling her jacked on.

Meredith headed to Derek's office. She stepped inside, finding the office empty. Suddenly she got some bad cramps in her stomach. She walked down to the board searching for Derek. She held one hand on her stomach as she looked all over the place for him.

"Excuse me, but could you please page Derek Shepherd for me?" Meredith asked a young blond nurse. "Sure. He just got out of surgery, I'll page him right now," she said warmly. "Thanks," Meredith replied taking a look at the board. It was Derek's last surgery which meant he was finish for the day. Meredith putted both of her hands on her stomach as she cramps got worse.

She hated cramps. Derek came up in the hall, still wearing his scrub cap. "Meredith, you paged?"

"Yes," Meredith said nodding. "Are you finishing for the day?"

"I am…"

"Can we go home then?" Derek wrinkled his eyebrows. "Are you okay?" Meredith nodded. "I'm fine, can we just go home?" Derek knew something was up to her, but he didn't want to push her to tell him. "I'll go change; you can wait in the car. Here, take the keys." Meredith took the keys and walking to the parking lot.

When Derek came, Meredith was already in the car. As Derek started the engine, Meredith stunned. "Are you having cramps?" Derek said looking at her. "Yes, but they're not as bad as…usually. More like just in the middle of my stomach."

Derek reached his hand out and held it over her forehead. "Derek, I'm not sick or anything." Derek nodded. "Could we go to the trailer tonight?" Meredith asked, smiling. "Of course," Derek said smiling back. "I can help you studying tomorrow if you want me to. I've got a day of." Meredith's eyes lighted up. "That would be great. Just you and me out here in the wood studying..." Derek laughed.

"And then we can go for a picnic, and go for a swim." Meredith closed her eyes, still smiling. "But do you promise to be nice with me?" Derek asked not smiling anymore. "What do you mean," Meredith said opening her eyes. "If you have any hormone swings or anything…"

"Derek," Meredith cut him off, giving him a smack on his arm. "I'm just kidding," he said laughing. "It's not funny," Meredith mumbled before she drifted into sleep.

"Actually I wasn't kidding," Derek said to him selves. But lucky for him, Meredith couldn't hear any of it, cause she was already sleeping heavily. Still not knowing exactly what was happening inside of her body!

* * *

**(So sorry for the long wait. Had alot of school tests this week. Anyway I hope you liked the chapter. Only two more days to the intern exam, and what is really going on with Meredith??? Continue to read and find out. Not much Merder though, but next chapter is going to be all about them: P)**

**_AND remember to REWIEW!!! makes me happy: P_**


	28. Chapter 28 A Bright And Shiny Day

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 28**_

_**Name of Chapter: A bright And Shiny Day**_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

"Morning," Derek said coming over to her. "Morning," Meredith mumbled as she opened her eyes "Coffee?" Derek said handing her a cup. "You're an angel," Meredith said smiling up to him. "So, do you want to bring your books out for a picnic? We could study while enjoying the nice weather outside." Meredith leaned closer to him, smelling in the sent of body lotion.

"That would be great," she whispered as her lips met his. "Or…we could stay in bed…"

"Picnic," Meredith cut his daydreams of. "I'll go get ready; you can fix the bag with food." Derek watched her as she stumbled into the small bathroom. Derek packed some other stuff, and was just ready when Meredith came out of the bathroom.

He studied her bare stomach as she walked in her underwear over to her clothes. "Why are you staring at my stomach," Meredith asked as she pulled a pair of jeans on. "Just watching if it's getting any bigger," he said walking over to her.

"Derek." Derek started to slide his hands from her stomach and up to her bra. "Stop it."

"Mhm," Derek moaned, kissing her neck. "I have to get dressed…" Meredith slide out of his grip and pulled a tank top on. "Ready?" Meredith said heading to the door. Derek grabbed the bag. "Just getting the fishing gear."

* * *

"Where are we going?" Meredith asked as Derek leaded them further and further into the wild country. "Can't tell you but we're nearly there now," he replied. Meredith who only carried her books, found it difficult to catch up with Derek. "

Where's Cristina today?" Derek asked suddenly. "I think she went to the hospital to Burke.""So you weren't going to study together?" Meredith shook her head.

"Where here," Derek said as Meredith came up to him. "Wow," Meredith said as they bent down and walked under some bushes. "It's beautiful, Derek," Meredith turned around looking for him. "Derek?" She called, a little louder this time. She walked further down to the river.

_He got to be here somewhere. _

"Want to go fishing?" a voice said behind her and she jumped in surprise. "Not funny," Meredith said when Derek smiled. "I was looking for you, where did you go?" Derek had a big grin on his face as he handed her a fishing rod. "I was just searching for a good place to fish in the river. You want the fish to beat. Meredith's eyes grew wider.

"Did you say _in _the river?" Derek nodded. "So what you're saying is that we are going out in the river to fish?" Meredith shook her head. "No way, I'm not going out to those pirajas so they can eat my legs." She stamped her feet in the ground to make it clear to him, but Derek didn't seem to care. "Oh, come on. I'll be fun. Plus we need the fish if we want something to eat…"

"Derek Shepherd, don't even tell me you didn't bring any food."

"I though you liked trout."

"I do, it's just that…"

"That what?" Derek asked when she stopped. "I can't fish." Derek's lips turned into a mall smile. "Don't laugh; I didn't grow up in Manhattan with a mother and a father. I'm not like you; I'm not all bright and shiny. I'm…"

"Dark and twisty?" Derek spoke up. Meredith sighted. "I'm sorry," Derek said coming closer to her. "I shouldn't have pushed it so far…"

"No it's fine, I…can you teach me?" Derek lifted his eyebrows. "You want to learn fishing?" Meredith nodded. "Not so dark and twisty after all," Derek said smiling as they walked to the river side.

"Coming?" Derek said already standing in the water. Meredith took one last glare over the river; before she took Derek's helping hand. "How deep is it?"

"About 40 cm, why?" Meredith looked down at her boots. Derek walked further out. "Wait," Meredith called as she started to walk her selves. "I'm going to fall," Meredith whined taking another mouse step. Derek turned around to help her. Just as Meredith took another step, she slipped. Derek grabbed her waist so she didn't fell. "I told you I wasn't good at this."

"Here, take my hand." Meredith took Derek's hand and they made their way further out.

"Alright," Derek started. "Swing the rod, far enough out, to the deep part. All the time you have to spool in so that the bait doesn't get stuck." Meredith swung the rod with some help from Derek's strong arms.

"Okay I think I got it," Meredith said. Derek let go of her for a moment. "I'll be right over there, call at me if you need help." Derek gave er a warm smile before she tossed away.

* * *

"How are you doing?" Derek called out after a time. Meredith waved her hand as a "just fine."

"Getting anything?"

"Not really, how about you?" Meredith asked. Derek just shook his head. Just then Derek's phone rang. "Burke?" Derek said answering his cell phone. "Do you need me for something?"

"_No, I didn't call because of work. I was wondering if we could meet some time. You and I and Meredith and Cristina. Maybe at dinner or we could just have a drink." _

Derek's face grew into a smile.

"You know Meredith and I are out with my trailer now, at my land. Why don't you and Cristina come over later and we could sit here outside. I have some beer and whine and we could make a fire."

"_That would be great. We'll come over after out shift."_

"Anyway, how does the chief position go?"

Burke laughs. _"Just fine, everything is under control."_

"Good to hear. Hope you don't give them such a hell as me."

"_Okay, see you later then."_

"Yeah, have a nice day Preston." Derek smiled as he hung up.

As he turned around he found Meredith just a few meters away. "I'm giving up," she said sitting down at a huge stone in the river. Just then Derek got bite. "I think I got something," Derek said as she spool the rope in as fast as he could. When it came to the end, a big trout hang on it. Derek grabbed the trout and walked into land. Meredith came right behind him.

"Who were you talking to?" Derek slammed the trout so it died completely. Then he putted it in a bucket with water. "I was talking to Preston. He and Cristina is coming out to the trailer here later." Meredith lifted her eyebrows.

"Out here? Cristina?" Derek found some paper and dried his hands. "I have some beer and whine, we'll sit outside and I'll make a fire. What do you think?" Meredith smiled. "Great, I just wish I could see when burke begged Cristina." Derek laughed. "Yeah I should have wished his good luck." Meredith lifted her bag up.

"I need to study." She sat down at a blanked they had brought. She took her boots off, and opened the bag. Derek sat down beside her. "Okay, I'll test you," Derek said grabbing one of Meredith's books.

* * *

"How are you feeling today?" Derek asked suddenly. He was gutting the trout and Meredith sat in grass, reading to her exam. "What?" Meredith said looking up from her book. "You had cramps yesterday." Meredith smiled. "Not anymore." Derek smiled too. "Good."

Suddenly Meredith started to unclothe her selves. First her jacked and her shoes, then her sweater and pants. "Want to go for a swim with me?" she asked smiling her beautiful smile she knew Derek couldn't resist. "What about the trout?"

"We'll fix the trout later." She leaned against him, pulling his jacked off. When there were no clothes left, they ran out in the water together. It was a warm summer day, and the cold water felt good on their naked skin. Derek dived under and came up only a few inches away from her face. He hands touched his wet dark curled hair, as he kissed her. Softly their wet lips touched, just quickly as a habit.

"Are you a good swimmer?" Meredith asked, breaking the silent. "Why are you asking?" Derek replied. "Nothing," Meredith started. "Just thought you may want a little competition," Meredith said smiling slyly. Derek dived under again, and came up a few meters away from her this time.

"Are you coming? Or I will win." Meredith smiled before she swam after him.

* * *

"Maybe we should go back now. I need to take a shower before Cristina and Burke comes," Meredith said packing her stuff. "Sure, the trout is ready to be cooked as well. You might me hungry." Meredith nodded. She looked up at Derek as he packed the fishing gear.

She smiled seeing his handsome eyes, and his still wet hair. "Thank you." Derek looked at her. "For today. Thank you for bringing me out here, teaching me to fish. This was just what I needed now. A day out in the sun, being with you." Derek smiled at her.

"I'm glad to hear you liked it. I used to do this a lot with my father; camping trips and fishing, nights out with the fire." Meredith stood up and walked over to him. They smiled, leaned against each other and their lips met.

"This is pretty bright and shiny, don't you think?" Derek said as he strokes her hair.

"We're bright and shiny," Meredith said as their lips met again. This time they kissed longer. Their tongues met, and they melted together.

"It's a bright and shiny day."

* * *

_Things can be difficult and hard sometimes_

_Some days even impossible_

_But if we can get trough the tuff time_

_There will be a bright and shiny day_

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for letting you wait so long. have been on vacation, got home last night. Anyway i hope you liked the "Brigth and Shiny" chapter:P Meredith is fine again(?) Continue to read and find out. next chapter Cristina and Burke will arrive and it can turn out to be quite funny though. Then we have the intern exam...A lot is coming up it the next chapter so continue to read and rewiew!!!**

**-Thanks so much for all the rewiews from the last chapter. Got reallt happy when I came home and saw all the e-mails:P**

**AND keep REWIEW:) makes me really happy!!!**


	29. Chapter 29 I Have A Feeling

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 29**_

_**Name of Chapter: I Have A Feeling**_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

"Why are you laughing?" Derek asked coming up in bed to her. "It's just that…do you think Cristina enjoyed the evening?" Derek smiled. "Maybe not quite." 

"Burke got her here by promising her a really good surgery you know," Meredith said still smiling. "Yeah, I guessed." Derek lay down beside her. "Did you know that Burke played baseball when he was younger?" Meredith lifted her eyebrows.

"Cristina never told me," Meredith said laughing. "Can you imaging him running around with helmed and big gloves?" Derek laughed too. "Did you also know that Cristina doesn't know?" Meredith stopped laughing. "She doesn't ask that much about personal question. She says that she doesn't like to talk about her personal life either." Derek turned to face her.

"We had a good evening right?" Meredith giggled. "We did." Derek didn't smile anymore. "How are you feeling by the way?" He took his hand on her stomach. "What about the cramps?" Meredith gave him a weak smile.

"I'm good," but inside she didn't know for sure. She turned around to face the wall. "You're good? What's that suppose to mean?" Meredith sighted. "I think so; I just have a little morning sickness but that's normal." Derek touched her upper arm. "You can tell me. Meredith you can tell me anything, you know that."

"I have a consult in four days, at the OB/GYN. Just to check everything is okay." Derek nodded. "That's good." To change subject, Derek started to talk about something else. "Tomorrow is the big day." Meredith nodded. "Yeah."

"Are you nervous?" Meredith looked straight up in the ceiling. "Just afraid I won't make it. That…"

"You will do fine, trust me," Derek said to comfort her. Meredith closed her eyes for a second. "The first big exam I had when I went to med school, my mother told me over and over again that I wouldn't make it. I wasn't good enough to be a doctor; she told me I didn't have what it takes to be a surgeon. She never believed in me." Meredith found Derek closer to her now.

"I once overheard a phone conversation she had. She told him or her in the end that I wasn't worth it. She told them not to let me in on that school." Meredith paused. Derek could read the bad memories in her eyes.

But she was speaking up, and Meredith Grey never found it easy to talk about her mother at all. About her issues she had with her, and that she never got a chance to prove to her mother that she was more than ordinary.

"I'm glad you're telling me," Derek said breaking the silent. "But your mother didn't knew much about you if she though you couldn't make it. You're not an ordinary girl, and I believe you can do anything if you really want to. Cause you're a smart and an attractive young woman, who knows what she wants and what she wants to fight for. You had a terrible childhood, and your father left you when you were young."

Derek kissed her softly at her cheek. "I think you need to do something, and I know you won't like the idea but if you trust me…I think you should go visit your father. Not tomorrow or this week, but I think you need to meet him. You don't want to live your entire life without meeting him again once." Meredith's eyes were empty. She shook her head.

"Meredith," Derek turned her around and took her hands. "You have to meet him, and I know you're angry at him and that you're disappointed since he just left. And I understand I really do but…"

"You understand?" Meredith whispered, but you could still hear the angriness in the voice. "You understand why I won't meet him? Fifteen years, and not once he sent me a card. Not even a birthday card. He couldn't even say goodbye, he just...left." She felt her tears were about come. "I can't meet him," Meredith whispered. Now it was Derek's turn to shake his head.

"I was six years old when my father died. I know, I have a mom and I have my sisters and they all love me. But the day he died I did something I really regret now. I would have done anything to have just one more day with him."

Derek sighted before he continued. "We had a kind of fight that day. I remember I told him that I hated him. He was just about going to work and I was really angry at him. I slammed the door shut behind, all the time yelling at him. And then he left. He didn't yell back at me, he just ignored me. He died that day. He was in a car crash on his way home."

Derek was staring straight up now. "He died and all I want is a second chance to say goodbye, to tell him how sorry I am and to just hear his voice one more time." Meredith had tears in her eyes. "So I'm asking you to do this Meredith, cause you will regret like I did. You have no idea how I wished I hadn't yelled at him. You have a chance to meet you father and get to know him. He left and you never heard anything from him, I know. But you have to meet him Mer." Derek turned to face her again, finding her crying silently.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I didn't know," she whispered as she pulled Derek into a hog. "Just meet him, one day before it's too late." Meredith nodded into his chest. After a long good silent Meredith spoke.

"I'm glad you told me too…that you told me about your dad. Derek you're a really good person and…" Derek cut her off by his lips touching hers.

"I trust you," Meredith said before she drifted into sleep. It felt good, having it all out. This conversation was a good start. Derek sighted, and it was a good sight. He smiled looking at Meredith who slept in his arms.

"Good night," he said to her, even he knew she was already sleeping heaviliy.

* * *

"Where the heck are you?" Meredith rubbed her eyes with one hand as she held her cell phone in the other. "Hello? It's the intern exam day. Get out of bed," Cristina spoke in a hurry. "Oh well yeah I know. I'll be there soon." 

"You better hurry up, the exam starts précised 9 o'clock." Meredith sighted. "I'll be there," and then she hung up. Derek had already left, he had an early surgery. Meredith got out if the bed and stumbled into the bathroom. She took a quick shower before she left to the hospital. All the time she was thinking about the dream she had had the night before.

Something really bad was going to happen, and she still had a bad feeling. The last time she had had a bad feeling like this she had almost died. If the bomb had gone off just a little bit before she and Dr Burke would have been blown up. But thins time the feeling didn't tell her anything. Last time she had a feeling that she might die, but this time it was just a bad feeling.

She shook her head. She pulled into the parking lot, and saw Alex. He was also late. She hurried out of the car and catches up with him. "Hi," Meredith said as she came up to him. "So I'm not the only one who's late," Alex said giving her a smile. "No, and I wasn't late because I was having sex…" Alex smiled again and Meredith stopped.

"Actually Derek wasn't even there when I woke up, so your dirty mind can just…"

"Meredith," Derek said greeting her as she and Alex came out of the elevator at the surgical floor. Alex grinned to Meredith but Meredith just sent him an angry glare. "So how nervous are you?" Derek asked when Alex had left. Meredith sighted.

"A little bit, but…" Derek gave her a warm Mcdreamy smile, and leaned his head to the side. "But what?" Meredith gave him a look before she got serious again.

"I have this feeling." Derek wrinkled his eyebrows. "What kind of feeling?"

* * *

_** Flashback >**_

"_I have a feeling."_

_Meredith stood in her scrubs and looked over to Derek, who was smiling warmly to her as he lent to the desk. _

_"__I get the sometimes. Bu if you just wait it will pass."_

"_You promise?"_

_ Derek smiled._

"_I promise."_

* * *

"I don't really know. Maybe about the exam…I, I don't know." Meredith shook her head to get out the daydreaming. 

"You will do just fine. You've studied and you're ready." Meredith looked skeptic at Derek. "You sound more like Cristina than you right now." Derek smiled. "You better get going you know," Derek said as he took a quick glance at his watch. "Okay," Meredith started as she lent closer to him. "it will pass, this feeling," Derek said, very low so only Meredith could hear him. "

Promise," Derek said smiling. Just as their lips almost met, Meredith pulled away. With an evil smile she disappeared around a corner. D

erek shook his head, turning around to give a nurse some papers he'd been carrying with him. Then he headed to the board. Today they had to deal with none surgical interns or upcoming residents, and that meant more work for the attendants and the other residents. More of the shit work.

"Can't wait until this day is over," Derek mumbled to him selves as she stood over the board.

* * *

Meredith hurried over to the other interns. "You're really late," Izzie pointed out. "Dude, she's been going Shep," Alex said smirking. Meredith opened her mouth to protest when Cristina spoke. "You're willing to get late to your intern exam just because of some hot sex?" 

"Okay, number one, we didn't have sex; second, Derek was left when I woke up." She looked especially at Alex when she said the last thing. "And third…"

"She's coming," George said pointing down the hall at a tall dark woman. "Good morning interns, or should I rather say upcoming residents? Of course you have to pass the exam first and I hope everyone is ready." The others followed her into the small room.

"Settle down everyone and then I will tell you some instructions about the exam." They all found a seat, and the professor started to explain. "is there any questions?" she asked when she was finished. When no one said something she carried on. "Well then, you may start…now."

"And good luck." No one listened to her last words, they were already in deep thoughts with their head down in the papers of their final intern exam!

* * *

_Some days are weird_

_Their busy and difficult_

_It happens often,_

_But today is different,_

'_Cause I have a feeling,_

_Of something else,_

_Of something bad that I can't explain_

_And all I know is that I have a feeling _

* * *

**A/N: I'm again really sorry for not updating before. Anyway I hope you liked this chapter. Finally Meredith and Derek got a real conversation and I think it helped them both. And what is this feeling Meredith has? Is it the intern exam or is it something else? Read and find out. Will have a new chapter up as fast as I can...**

**Liked it?Loved it? and everything else..._REWIEW!!!!!!!_**


	30. Chapter 30 Bad Day

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 30**_

_**Name of Chapter: Bad Day**_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

Derek lay on his side watching carefully the sleeping person beside him. He couldn't help but smile seeing her chest raise heavily before sinking again. He putted one hand on her stomach, which was still flat. Today they were going to the Ob/GYN and take the first ultrasound. He felt how he lighted up inside, thinking about it. How it would be to see their baby for the first time. Still the fetus would be too small to get to know the sex, but it was still their growing little baby.

Wrapped in his thoughts, Derek didn't discover Meredith had woken up, and made a sudden move hearing her voice. "You're touching my stomach Derek," she said giving him a slight smile. Derek couldn't help but smile back. "Today is the OB/GYN. We're going to see our little one for the first time." Meredith just shook her head, still smiling.

"You still think it's a girl?" Meredith asked turning her head closer to him. "Mmm…maybe." His gaze met hers, and they lay like this for a while just staring at each other. "Anyway next week we're getting the results of the intern exam back. I really hope I passed cause…I don't know. I still have this weird feeling…" Derek put a finger over her lips. "You did well. You passed, I promise."

"What if you're wrong?" Derek gave her a weak smile. "I'm never wrong." He brought her into a kiss just when the sound of an alarm rang out loudly. Derek turned around and picked up his pager. He let out a sight. "Mer," he started. "I won't be able to go with you to the OB/GYN today. They need me for a surgery in an hour." He could see she got a bit disappointed, but she just gave him a smile.

"You go save someone, I'll be fine." Derek titled his head to the side. "Are you sure?" Meredith nodded. "Of course, I'll see you later." Derek gave her a quick kiss before he hurried up and into the bathroom. Once she heard the water running, she got up her selves and dressed before heading down to the kitchen. Izzie and George had already left to the hospital, so the kitchen was dark and empty.

She made some coffee before she settled down to her laptop. All the time having in mind the conversation she and Derek had had in the trailer a few days ago. She had found out where he lived and she had his address and phone number. She sighted, took a sip of her coffee before opening the link.

It was a picture of her mother, father and her selves. She was about three years old at the picture. She studied the picture carefully. Her father smiled down at her who stood beside him. To her left her mother stood, with an empty look in her face. Just as cold and dark as always, Meredith thought.

She heard Derek saying goodbye before the door slammed shut. She took a quick glare at the watch. It was only 6.30 am and her appointment wasn't before 9.00 am. She had insisted Derek to let her go back to work that morning, but he just told her to wait until after the appointment, just to be sure everything was okay with the baby.

The next couple of hours she cleaned up in the house, washed laundry and packed away some of her mothers stuff. Just as she picked up the last box of her mothers stuff, a little notice book fell out and landed on the floor. Meredith sighted as she sat the box down to pick up the book. As she held it she couldn't help opening it.

Once she started reading she found out it was like a diary her mother had wrote in a long time ago. Closing it, she put the book back into the box before moving it to the closet. Finally finish she sat exhausted down in an old chair. Derek wouldn't be happy when he found out she was running around in the house doing clean up.

He would tell her that he banded her for work that morning so she could relax, and instead she was flying around at home like a freakin' obsessed cleaner. "I have become more like Izzie after I got pregnant," she admitted to her selves. Meredith looked down at her still flat stomach.

"And it's your fault!"

* * *

"Mrs. Grey?" A young nurse called out. Meredith stood up from the bench and made her way over to the door. "Follow me," she said and leaded Meredith into the ward of OB/GYN. Meredith felt awkwardly weird. She was showed down in a patient chair where she got greeted by an older woman. She smiled warmly to her. 

"Mrs. Grey, I'm Dr Kora Harren and your Dr through your pregnancy." Meredith gave the woman a weak smile back. "So, then we should just get started. How far are you now?" Meredith hesitated for a second before answering. "About seven weeks." Dr Harren walked over to her right side. "Well then we're just going to exam you a little bit. When I'm finish I want you to fill out some papers you have to deliver back next time you are coming."

Dr Harren took some blood tests and a quick ultrasound and after that, she asked Meredith some questions and gave her some advice. Even if Meredith already knew this, she just let her speak. "So everything looks normal so far. Just remember to rest and eat well, no alcohol or smoke. And your appetite will probably go into a change, but that's nothing to worry about. Then we'll see you back here in a month."

Meredith nodded, giving the woman once again a smile before she left the room. Coming out in the lobby again, she was greeted by the young woman behind the reception. She handed her some papers. "Thank you," Meredith said quickly before putting them in her bag. "See you again in august then."

She left the OB7GYN clinic, and felt relieved getting away from all the awkwardness. She still couldn't believe she was pregnant. She wasn't that kind of a person. Would this have happened just a year before; she would have laughed about it. She, Meredith Grey, pregnant with Derek Shepherd who was one of the countries best neurosurgeons. She was carrying his baby. She was having a baby together with Derek.

She wasn't even sure if she could handle it all. Now that she was becoming a resident too. It could cost her all she had worked for if she had to give up her carrier. The one thing her mother had taken wrong about. And now she was risking it for this baby.

Still she couldn't help that she wanted this baby. She could have had an abortion, but she didn't, she couldn't and she wouldn't. Because the truth was, she loved this baby, this little growing person inside her. And she loved Derek. She knew she wanted to keep the baby from the very beginning, deep inside she knew it all the time. She had hesitated first, but that was normal.

However, all the time she hears a voice inside her head, threatening. Could she handle it? Being a mother, a surgeon and a wife at the same time? Could she raise this child? Her thoughts went back to reality when she heard a voice behind her.

"Excuse me?" Meredith turned around quickly, facing a woman near the 50's, blond with dark brown eyes. "You're Meredith right? Meredith Grey?" Meredith nodded wrinkling her eyebrows. "Thatcher and Ellis Grey's daughter…" The woman spoke again. Meredith stood still, holding her purse over her shoulder as she studied the woman in front of her. "Sorry, do I know you?" Meredith started, very unsure.

"Oh right, I'm Susan…Grey. I'm, uhm Thatcher's wife," she spoke, not really know if she should tell her or not. Meredith took the words by surprise; her eyes grew wider as she took a better grip on her purse. "Yeah, right…yes I, I'm uhm…" Meredith didn't know how to respond to her. She knew a long time ago that her father had married once again and that he had two daughters.

Starting tripping, Meredith gave the woman she just met a slight smile. "Well, it was nice meeting you. I uhm…" Susan cut her off, desperately to stop her from leaving. "He talks abut you, a lot and he…I think he misses you," she spat out before Meredith got a chance to take more than a few steps towards her car. She sighted before turning around again.

"He left, twenty years ago and I never heard anything from him after that," Meredith replied. "I know, I get that you're angry and hurt and I would have been too. However, he does miss you, and he is not a bad person. Your mother, she…" Susan cut her selves off, not wanting to make Meredith leave. "Maybe we can meet someday? You know, just talk and…"

"I don't know, I don't think I'm ready yet," Meredith said, trying to talk her selves out of the conversation. "I know, that's why I thought we could meet. Just you and me, we could have a coffee or something simple. I want to want to get to know you Meredith. "Uhm…" Meredith started. "I don't know, I'm very busy and well…"

"Meredith, please, just for a coffee. I could come to the hospital and we could have a short talk." Meredith sighted. "I, uhm... Well I guess that's fine." For the first time since they met, Susan smiled to her. "I'll see you then. What about next week…Monday?" Meredith nodded, giving her a smile that didn't reach her eyes. Meredith saw a young woman coming up behind them. She was red haired and had green sparkling eyes.

She gave Meredith a smile before turning her attention to Susan. "Ready to go?" Susan smiled back at her. "You just go wait in the car and I'll be there in a minute." As Susan turned towards Meredith again, she found Meredith already with her car door. "I have to go," Meredith said pulling out the key to her car from her pocked. Unlocking it, Susan replied. "We'll meet next Monday then? How about one o'clock in the cafeteria?"

Meredith nodded. "Yeah," she said before hurrying into the seat. As she pulled out of the parking lot, she saw Susan making her way over to a red Toyota, where the younger red haired already waited. Meredith took one last glance at them before she took her eyes back at the road, driving away to the hospital.

She needed to work. God, she needed a good surgery.

* * *

Meredith parked the car and ran inside to the elevator, catching up with both Izzie and Cristina. "You're never going to guess who I met this morning," Meredith mumbled, leaning against the wall. "Did you know that Izzie want to choose cardio as she is interesting in it?" Izzie gaped, taking a step closer to Cristina and Meredith. 

"I like cardio and just because you've been hanging around Burke scrubbing in on almost all his surgeries doesn't mean I can't be interesting in cardio," Izzie replied sarcastic. "oh you don't , you can take general surgery or orthopedic or plastic or whatever, but cardio is my thing. Right, Meredith?"

"No, I have just the same right to take cardio as you. Meredith, say something." Meredith raised her eyebrows. "You two act like small girls who fights over which one who gets the Barbie doll with the pink dress." Izzie and Cristina gave Meredith a weird look, before starting to argue again. "Why don't you try Nero with Meredith? Brains Iz, brains and Mcdreamy…"

"Stop it, both of you," Bailey said entering the elevator. None of them seemed to acknowledge, and made a sudden start. "Dr Bailey I was wondering if I could spend the day at cardio, Dr Burke…"

"Can I spend the day at cardio? Cause Cristina has been at cardio the whole week and…" bailey put a finger up to shut them. "I do not want to hear it. You fools want to beat each other up, fine. But none of you are going to cardio today. Grey, go find Dr Burke. You're scrubbing in with him." Meredith walked out of the elevator lifting her eyebrows at Izzie and Cristina again, before the elevator closed once again.

"Dr Grey," she heard a voice call for her. Turning around she stood face to face with nurse Brooklyn. "We have a code blue, you need to come." Meredith hurried after the nurse into trauma room three. "Grey, what do we got?" Burke asked coming in to the room right after Meredith.

"Corby Bolton twenty eight. Particular lung disease after falling down some stairs. Also having problems breathing. Was having surgery this afternoon. He looked fine before his heart stopped. Has been giving 3mm adrenaline, and has been shocked two times."

"Alright, time to get him into surgery. First, we need a heart rhythm. Grey charge to 300." Meredith charged. "Clear, 2 a nurse called. Meredith shook her head. "No response. Charge 350."

"Clear." The machine finally shoved a heart rhythm. "We have a weak pulse. Heart rhythm is up, Grey book OR 1. Tell them we're coming in." Meredith took the gloves off before heading to the door. "Nicely done," Burke told her, before the door closed.

* * *

"Bailey assigned me to the worst case ever, today," Cristina said coming up to Meredith, in the cafeteria. "The man had a freaking fork in his leg. And guess what; Izzie and I got stuck with him all day, you know why?" They sat down at an empty table. 

"Because the man refused to take morphine, so we had to pull it out with him screaming like a pig. It took us like three hours to get it out. Three freaking hours which I could have spent in surgery." Meredith made a face as Cristina babbled about how she hated the pit." Do you want to know who I met this morning?" Meredith finally said.

"My step mother. She's married to my father. She is my father's new wife, by father who I haven't seen in twenty years. And now…" Meredith took a bite of her apple. "She wants to meet me." Cristina lifted one eyebrow, and leant back in the chair. "So? Are you going to meet her?" Meredith sighted. "She begged me Cristina. She freaking begged to meet me here at next Monday. She literally got down to her knees, what was I suppose to do?"

Cristina, who had just taken a big sip of her milkshake, almost spat it out again in surprise. "What? Is she coming here, to the hospital? Oh you can't ask me to meet her with you, no way." Meredith looked at her food, before her eyes settled back at Cristina.

"I was hoping you could…I don't know. I don't know what she wants from me, if she wants to meet my friends or maybe Derek…and we don't have anything to talk about." Cristina had an empty look in her face. "I don't do well with step mothers, I don't do well with any kind of mothers," Cristina mumbled, but except from that they had a silent meal. "I'm going to see if I can catch up with Derek," Meredith finally said, getting up from the chair.

"Hot sex in the on call room huh?" Meredith rolled her eyes at Cristina's comment. "Actually we're just going to communicate, talking like a conversation." As Meredith started to walk, Cristina called after her. "Have fun." Meredith just turned around; giving her a warning look, but Cristina just gave her a small wink with her hand.

As Meredith reached the stairwell, Derek came hurrying in the opposite direction. "Hi," they said to each other quickly. Derek gave her a warming smile before adding. "We'll speak later, I have an emergency surgery." "Okay, see you later," Meredith responded, and Derek ran off to the OR. Just a few seconds later, Meredith got paged by Burke.

"We need to go in again. He has a punctured left ventricle," Burke said as Meredith entered the patient's room. "It's going to be a long surgery. Are you on call tonight?"

"No…" Meredith started, only to be cut off by Burke. "Well, you are now."

* * *

"You got a minute?" Derek said coming up to her. "Yeah, I just got out of surgery with Burke." Derek took a sip of his coffee before handing it to Meredith. "How did it go today?" Meredith sat down with the computer, and Derek leaned against the desk beside her. 

"She checked me, took an ultrasound, blood tests, all the normal things. And I got some papers we need to fill out and deliver next time."

"I wish I was there with you," Derek said as he reached out and put a hand on her cheek. "Oh, and I met someone, outside the clinic."

"You met someone?" Derek repeated. "My step mother, Susan Grey. She's Thatcher's new wife." Derek changed position. "Well, are you alright?"

"Yeah, it's just…okay maybe I'm not. I, I don't know. I don't know Derek." Meredith sighted. "She asked me if I wanted to have a cup coffee with her, so we could speak. In addition, she is coming here to the hospital, next week. What am I going to talk about with her? She doesn't know anything about me, or my life, or…" Derek grabbed her upper arm, making her stop rambling.

"First she will ask you about how you are, and what your day is like and what you do. Then she will tell make a comparison with you and her kids, she will probably ask about your mother and she will ask you about your personal life. Then is when you tell her about our engagement and me and about the baby. Oh, and if she's a motherly person she will ask a lot about baby stuff, you know: how far you are, what you are going to name it, and about the sex of the baby…"

"Derek, you're making me really nervous now…"

"I'm preparing you," Derek said giving her a slight smile. "She's not my mother, she isn't anything for me…she's not my family, and if she thinks she is..." Meredith shook her head. "She is the family you have left Meredith. And of course you father." Meredith swallowed hard. "She's not my family, I don't know her and I don't want to get to know her either." Derek wet his lips with his tongue.

"Meredith, she's your step mother…"

"No Derek," Meredith said; her voice cold and low. "She's not my step mother, she's not my family. She is the woman who my father left me for." When Derek heard her saying the last sentence, he understood her. He understood why she hesitated, why she didn't want to meet Susan. Meredith and Derek just stared at each other for a moment.

Derek had a concerned look in his eyes, and Meredith's eyes were just empty. None of them said anything before Derek's pager went off, breaking the silent. "I have to go; I have a brain aneurysm I need to take care off. I'll see you at home?"

"Oh, I'm on call tonight," Meredith replied as Derek stood up properly. "Okay, then I will see you later here." He bent down, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek, before he hurried down the hall.

"I hate to me on call," Meredith mumbled to her selves before taking a sip of Derek's coffee. "Talking to your selves now?" she heard Alex said behind her. "I spent the day at plastic, and guess what?"

"You scrubbed in on the man with the tumor, and now you want to choose plastic as your specialty," Meredith said looking at the computer screen. Wow, you must have read my mind," Alex replied standing beside her.

"Okay, let me guess. Burke put you on call, so now you're pissed off because you can't spend the night having sex with Shepherd." Meredith gave Alex a warning look. "Oh and I almost forgot. You have the hormones thing going on too. That makes you even more pissed off." Meredith took a hard grip at her chair and spun it around.

"Now I get why they call you evil spawn. You know just for the record I wasn't pissed off, but that was before you came." Alex smiled his evil dirty smile. "It's hot, like a hot pissed hormone girl…"

"You really know how to light up my day, thanks."

"Your welcome," Alex said waving and smiling to her as she stamped away. "This was a bad day," Meredith mumbled to her selves. "This is a bad day."

* * *

_Where is the moment we needed the most _

_You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost_

_They tell me your blue skies fade to gray_

_They tell me your passions gone away_

_And I don't need no carryin' on_

_You stand in a line just to hit a new low_

_You're faking a smile with the coffee to-go_

_You tell me your life's been way of line_

_You're falling to pieces every time_

_And I don't need no carryin' on_

_You had a bad day _

_You're taking one down_

_You sing a sad song just to turn it around_

_You say you don't know,__You tell me don't lie_

_You work on a smile and __You go for a ride_

_You had a bad day, __The camera don't lie_

_You're coming back down __and you really don't mind_

_You had a bad day_

_You had a bad day_

_Will you need a blue-sky holiday?_

_The point is they laugh at what you say_

_And I don't need no carrying on_

_You had a bad day _

_You're taking one down_

_You sing a sad song just to turn it around_

_You say you don't know, __You tell me don't lie_

_You work on a smile and __You go for a ride_

_You had a bad day, __The camera don't lie_

_You're coming back down __and you really don't mind_

_You had a bad day_

_Sometime the system goes on the blink_

_And the whole thing turns out wrong_

_You might not make it back and you know_

_That you could be well oh that strong _

_And I'm not wrong_

_So where it the passion when you need it the most_

_You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost_

_Cause you had a bad bay, __You're taking one down_

_You sing a sad song just to turn it around_

_You say you don't know, __You tell me don't lie_

_You work on a smile and __You go for a ride_

_You had a bad day, __You've seen what you like_

_And how does it feel for one more time_

_You had a bad day_

_You had a bad day_

* * *

**A/N: Okay, so I know it's been a while since the last update, but I don't think I can update as often as I was planning. I'm really sorry for that, but I promise to have more regular updates, even if they won't be so often as I started out with. Anyway, over to the chapter: The intern exam is over, and the results are here soon. Mainly Meredith just went to her first ultrasound, where she meets the step mother, Susan Grey. This can be intersting, cause Meredith has alot of issues with her father, and now she finds out he has a wife, and other kids...but the good thing about this is that she's actually letting Derek in, or at least she tries. And the Meredith/Cristina friendship is one of my favorite things to write, so there will often be some scenes with them together. Meredith and Derek are still doing just fine; they are engaged, they're having a baby together, life is good. BUT as I said before and I'm saying it again, something will happen soon, something big...something that will make a change...that's it for now!!! Oh and this was a longer update by the way. Hope you liked it...they will probably wont be this long in the future!**

**_And the more rewiews I get, the more I want to update soon, so REWIEW!!!!_**


	31. Chapter 31 Take On Faith, Part 1

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 31**_

_**Name of Chapter: Take On Faith, Part 1**_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

"Meredith." Derek knocked on the bathroom door. She never locked the door, at least not when he was here. "What are you doing in there? We have to get going soon, and I need to brush my teeth." Suddenly Meredith unlocked the door, and opened it in a hurry. Derek took a step back to face her. "What shall I wear? I don't know what to wear Derek. And I need to fix my hair, and make up…and my nails. Oh my god, my nails look terrible. I need to change clothes too and…"

"Meredith, you look great, you are ready. She's just Susan, she just want to get to know you. She wants to get to know Meredith, not a pity obsessed girl who can't decide if she should wear high heals or track shoes to job. Be yourselves, be the Meredith I know: the Meredith who I fell in love with, the Meredith who said yes to marry me, who is carrying our baby. I'll come with you, it'll be fine." Meredith had to smile; Derek always made everything easier. He knew exactly what to say to make things better.

"Thank you," Meredith said taking a deep breath. "For…I freaked out, I do that a lot, but you know that already." Derek smiled at her. It was true, she pretend to freak out all the time these days. "God, why is this so hard? I mean, where just going to talk, conversation. I can do that…right. Just a normal conversation, between my fathers wife, Susan Grey and me. Okay, this is bad right? I have to cancel it, I can't meet her. I can't, I don't do family conversations, I don't do families at all…oh god."

Meredith started to walk around in her room. "You're freaking out again, stop pacing," Derek commando her. Meredith stopped for a moment, looking straight up at his dark blue eyes. "I'll meet you at the nurse's station and we'll walk together down to the cafeteria. We will have a cup coffee, and we will talk." Meredith cut the gaze and lowered her head.

"This is a step closer to get to know your other family Meredith. The only family you have left, and to get to know your father. If you don't talk to Susan…" Derek sighted. "We will talk to her." Meredith nodded. She didn't know why this had to be so hard, why she hesitated. "We should go," Meredith said hurrying around to find her stuff. Derek watched her for a second before he reached out and grabbed her shoulders.

"You can to this. We can do this. Stop doubting you," Derek said before he Lent closer to her, their lips only inches away from each other's. "I'm going to kiss you now," Derek whispers in her ear before their lips meet. "Thank you," Meredith said when they broke the kiss. "For pushing me, sometime I need that…"

"I know," Derek cut her off. "That's why I'm here for you." Meredith just smiles. "I hope you won't be freaking out as much as your mom does," Derek whisper, looking down at Meredith's stomach. "Not funny," Meredith whispers back.

* * *

"Something is going on between George and Alex again," Izzie spat out as Meredith reached the kitchen. "Yesterday when I came into the locker room, George was searching through Alex's stuff. He mumbled something about a squirt and some bad words and then Alex, and then more about the squirt." Meredith lifted one eyebrow before her eyes settled on Cristina who sat in one of the kitchen chairs.

"Wait, what is this? What are you doing here?" Meredith said, her eyes pointing at Cristina. "Oh, I…we thought you might need some company, you know…Susan Grey and…and now you're meeting her, for real. We just thought you might need some cheering up. By the way I baked you some muffins and some delicious donuts too." Izzie smiled happily, as she lifted a sheet brass of blueberry muffins.

"That's really…nice of you, but I don't need cheering up. I'm totally fine, see? Just fine," Meredith responded as she smiled. Izzie put the sheet brass down again before admitting; "Well, according to Derek you weren't really fine. You were Meredith fine but not fine, fine." Meredith's eye got wide open. "Derek told you? Wait, he sent Cristina over? I though he left for emergency surgery…" Izzie nodded. "He did."

"Why would you think I would be here if no one asked me to? You think I came over here at five in the morning just to hang out with Izzie in the kitchen for nothing?" Cristina whispered. "I'm standing right here," Izzie pointed out. Meredith sighted, before grabbing a muffin before she sat down beside Cristina. "Derek made you stay too."

"And he got Iz to bake," Cristina murmured back. "I would be more than happy to bake anyway," Izzie said smiling happily to them. "We know," Cristina and Meredith admitted quietly. "So…anyone want's some donuts?"

* * *

"Stevens, Yang go find Dr Burke. You will be meeting the new plastic surgeon together with him. Remember; be nice, friendly, no flirting or gossip, and no improper words. You will, smile and act normal. Why is this important Dr Yang?"

"Oh…"

"We want to make a good first impression. He's just joining us for today, but he has got a job offer here. In addition, tell Dr Burke that there is no need for impressing him or build up any hotshot surgeon ego." Izzie made a surprised face to Cristina. "Now, go," Bailey said before turning to meet the rest of the group. "Grey, Shepherd has requested you, go find him. O'Malley and Karev…"

Bailey put a finger up and pointed at them. "Since you obviously are beating the hell out of each other I'll keep both of you out of the OR. Karev you can take the clinic, O'Malley, have fun in the pit. You two don't even deserve to be in the gallery," Bailey spoke, as she made her way out the door. George an Alex made their way out of the locker room.

"This is so your fault," George mumbled as they walked down the hallway. "Oh, like she would have gone on a date with you anyway. She's hot and has big boobs. You are…a freaking little baby boy who cannot even make a sentence without fumbling at least five words. You're pathetic and she would have found out about the needle thing in your ass anyway. Besides, Yang, Stevens and Grey think you have a cute butt. You should be satisfied, I saved you man. How would you feel if she dumped you, before your first date? Go after someone else if you ask me. Nurses are defiantly not your type, and Rose? Dude, no way…"

"Alex," George shouts at him. "Shut your mouth close before you get a blue eye again. You had no right to say that to her. You should stay the fucking away from me, and I mean it. You screwed Olivia. You screw everyone. I bet you've already fucking slept with Rose." Alex just lifts his eyebrows in response. "Dude, you should…"

"What Alex? What do you have to say to me?"

"…relax, maybe quiet down. This is a hospital you know," Alex said before running off. George stayed quiet, as he watched people giving him glares as they passed by. "Damn it," he said to him selves before heading down to the pit.

Derek had stood in the other end of the hallway, carefully watched the whole scene. Now he walked into the elevator and headed down to the lobby.

* * *

Meredith practically dumped into Derek as she came around the corner in the lobby. At the same time, her foot hit a trolley, making her loose balance and collapse in Derek's arms. "Hi to you too," Derek said with a hint of laughter in his voice. "Sorry, I…" Derek still had a hard grip at her upper arms, to make her find balance again. "You okay? You look a little pale."

"Well, other than that I'm about to meet my father's wife who I don't know at all, and the fact that you got Cristina over this morning because you told them I freaked out, I'm fine I think." Derek gave her a weak smile. "So, I though you might want to join me today. I have a sixty-year-old male patient with Parkinson's syndrome. We are operating tomorrow morning if he gives us permission to go in. he has been very skeptical to open-brain surgery."

Meredith smirks. "So you picked the best intern for the case?" Derek shook his head. "No, I picked the hottest, cutest and best intern for the case. There's a big difference." Meredith lifts one eyebrow. "Not really professional of you Dr Shepherd." Derek grinned, leaning closer to her as they walked down the hallway.

"Actually it's intense, this feeling I have…for this intern I mean," Derek whispered in her ear as they reached the elevator. "It better be, this feeling you have for this intern who is soon becoming a first year resident. And it better be, after all I'm carrying your baby," Meredith replied childish with a smile. "And I love you for that," Derek said truly as they stepped into the empty elevator.

"By the way how are the cramps?" Meredith pressed the button before answering. "Not so bad anymore, just some morning sickness from time to time." Derek nodded. "Good. And just so you know, your snoring isn't that bad anymore." Meredith jerks her head up.

"What, I snore less now that I'm pregnant?" Derek's lips turns into a slightly smile. After a moment of silent, Derek speaks again. "I saw George and Alex in the hallway right before I headed down to the lobby earlier, and they seemed to really beat each other up. At least George seemed to be very angry at Alex. You know why?" They stepped out of the elevator and began walking toward the nurse's station.

"Actually yes, Izzie told me this morning. She said George had been looking trough Alex's stuff mumbling something to him selves. Not to dimension that George punched out Alex a few weeks ago." Derek ran a hand trough his hair.

"There's a lot of stuff going on around here. Now I know how helpless Richard felt sometimes. The second you turn your back, there's something going on again."

As they continued to walk down the hall, they hear a voice behind them. A voice Derek recognized very well...

_To be continued!!_

* * *

**A/N: Took me a while to post this.(Actually I wrote it finish today for my friend Alette, who always waits for new chapters:P) **** Anyway this is just part 1. I'm planning on posting part 2 tomorrow or on Sunday(hopefully)! Anyway I can wait longer before posting of the new chapter, if you want me to...Now I will put one of the characters** **that I first didn't planned to put in(but just for one or two chapters)! **

**SO, do you want me to post part 2 by the end of the weekend OR should I wait a week or so? i also want to know if I still have some readers with me...PLEASE;**

**Tell me, REWIEW!!!!!**


	32. Chapter 32 Take On Faith, Part 2

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

_**Chapter: 32**_

_**Name of Chapter: Take On Faith, Part 2**_

_**By: Der4Mer4ever**_

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

_(As they continued to walk down the hall, they hear a voice behind them. A voice Derek recognized very well…) _

"Wouldn't pick you for being the new chief of surgery Derek. You must be proud Richard chose you. We both know he would have picked me if I were around. He likes plastics more than Nero." Both Derek and Meredith stop and turn around to face him.

"Mark, what made you leave your New York bed and all your women just to come out here to rainy Seattle?" Derek says as he walks up to Mark. "Well, maybe because I miss my dear friend?" Mark replied, smirking.

"Yeah, right. Meredith…" he turns to face her and gives her a smile. "This is Mark; a pain in the ass, but when you get to know him you realizes he actually has more than just women on his mind. Mark…" Derek turns towards mark again. "I want you to meet Meredith; the love of my life," Derek says, his voice soft and lovingly. Mark made a surprised look, before he studied Meredith carefully. Meredith her self was surprised and noticed how Mark's eyes went up and down her body.

"Mark," Derek said making him cut his gaze from Meredith's body. Derek grabbed Meredith's hand before speaking again. "Actually Meredith is my fiancée." This caused Mark's fully attention. "You're getting married?" Derek gave Meredith a look before answering. "Well, not in a while we're…well…not yet."

Derek felt how relieved Meredith got. She didn't want to tell the whole world that they were having a baby, that she was becoming this fat pregnant girl. "Anyway congratulation man, you've found a cute girl. She's hot," Mark says openly to Derek. "You're hot," Mark whispers to Meredith, making her blushing.

"So, Mark what are you doing here, I mean truly doing here. You don't leave Big Apple unless you absolutely need to. Besides, you don't like the rain." Mark smiles secretly. "Oh, I was called two days ago of your cardio attending. He needed my extremely powerful talent for a bone transfusion…"

"And no one told me," Derek mumbled as he sighted. "Relax Derek; I'm only staying in till tomorrow afternoon. My plain leaves at six PM, besides…" Mark lent to Derek's ear and whispered. "I have a hot date waiting for me." Derek couldn't help but smile. Mark was defiantly in town. He could be annoying sometimes but he was his friend, his best friend.

"Nice to have you on board Sloan, I will page Burke for you. Later I will have a serious conversation with him. Anyway, enjoy your visit. Call me if there's anything you need. I have to go now. I'll see you later, oh and one more thing," Derek pointed out. "Be nice with the nurses, and watch out for Dr Bailey." With that Derek and Meredith left. "I'll try my best," Mark called after them. As Mark had left, Meredith spoke.

"Mark Sloan, huh? Obviously you didn't ask him to come," Meredith said with a smirk. "He defiantly shouldn't be here. Did you see how he undressed you with his eyes?" Meredith had to smile. Derek was jealous. "Oh no, you don't get to smile. Mark looks at everything with boobs. He's practically a man whore." Meredith lifted one eyebrow.

"You know, I've always had a thing for man candy," Meredith said teasing Derek. Derek's eyes grew wide and his mouth flipped open. Meredith had to laugh when she saw his reaction. "I'm kidding. I only have a thing for neurosurgeons with perfect black curly hair and dark blue eyes." Derek stopped as they reached the OR board. "Fine I get it, and I'm not jealous by the way. He's Mark and well…" Derek turned to face her.

"Do not flirt with him, don't get a drink with him, then he takes advantage of you, and don't sleep with him," Derek spat out quickly. Meredith's smile got even bigger. "Relax, anyway he's leaving tomorrow."

"Yeah, that God for that. Burke won't get away with this. He has no right to ask other hospitals to send over surgeons to Seattle Grace. At least not without my permission first." Meredith just shook her head. "Go boss someone Derek, I'll go check on the labs to our patient," Meredith said giving him a small punch in his upper arm. "Yeah, right." Derek looked back up at the OR schedule.

"I have to be more bossy and precision around here, cause no one are listening anymore," Derek mumbled. "That surgery has to be removed; Dr Loyne will have to wait until tomorrow." Derek started to walk off, and Meredith could hear him talking to him selves. "People are breaking the rules, they have no freaking respect for me and the attendings are living their own little bossy life. There has to be some rougher rules. I'm not letting this hospital fall to ground." Meredith just smiled and rolled her eyes.

Derek was really being chiefly now. In addition, he was right; the hospital is getting out of control. Just as she turned the corner, she heard someone talking together in a conference room, and it was defiantly about Derek.

_He has no idea what's going on around here," _She heard one of them said._"This morning a patient got misdiagnosed and died of sepsis in the aorta. I don't even think the chief knows it yet." _

Meredith wrinkled her eyebrows as she stepped closer to the door_. "And the ER is a mess. Trauma room two lost power four days ago, and they had to remove the guy to the ICU. Now the hospital is losing money trying to pay back for the mistakes they've made, and for the extra machines that needed to be repaired."_

"_Not to talk about the new plastic surgeon that got admitted last night. The chief didn't even know he was coming. Dr Burke got him over to a surgery this afternoon. Actually, Dr Sloan was an old friend of the chief. From what I've heard Dr Shepherd moved out here because he knew Richard was retiring. _

_Dr Sloan wanted the job too, but Shepherd made up a lie and told Sloan that he had just been offered head of Nero, and that Dr Burke would be named chief of surgery. Not that Sloan would have moved out here anyway. He hates the rain, therefore he hates Seattle." _

"_Wait, who told you this?" _Meredith heard a third voice said_. "One of the nurses down at the nurse's station was just talking about it. Sloan always flirts with nurses, and he really sleeps around. I think he knows more about one night stands than he knows plastics." _Meredith becomes frozen as she turned away from the door.

She didn't need to hear more about that crap speak. None of that chief race thing was true anyway. Derek had never lied to Mark; Mark didn't even wanted the job. In addition, Derek was an excellent chief. She let out a deep breath before she headed downstairs to get the labs. This was absolutely going to be an interesting day.

Not to dimension that Susan Grey was showing up around lunchtime. God, where is the Tequila when you need it? She defiantly needed Tequila or at least something strong. On the other hand, Liquor could also do. Or just some wine, yes wine would be very good. Maybe the French one her mother had left in the house. Meredith sighted, knowing that the strongest she could get right now was a back coffee from the lobby. At least it was better than nothing," Meredith thought as she continues further down the hallway at the West Wing of Seattle Grace!

* * *

_No one can control your life._

_What you do is up to you;_

_the choices you make,_

_the mistakes, the bad decisions,_

_they all get consequences, _

_if you like it or not._

_However, sometimes you have to take _

_a chance, cause if you don't _

_you can end up regretting forever._

_Somethings you just have to_

_Take On Faith!!_

* * *

**A/N:PLEASE READ;**

**This was a short update, I noticed. But it was all I had completed this far...!!**

**_Over to the chapter,_ Mark Sloan showed up, but he's leaving soon...I didn't really plan to have him in this fic at all! oh, and Burke is on thin ice:P haha. Derek isn't happy about what he did, but who can really yell at THE Preston Burke?(Not me:-)...Then it is all the gossip going on...defiantly not good for the hospital, but especially not good for Derek. And the meeting with Susan Grey is going to be completly different than what I first had in mind. Oh, and I love to hear from you guys, so I'm begging AGAIN as always;**

**_BE KIND, REWIEW!!!!!!!!!_**

**-Christine**


	33. Chapter 33 Trouble and More Trouble

_**Title: Just Can't Live a Lie**_

_**Category: Romance/drama**_

**_Rated: K+_**

_**Chapter: 33**_

_**Name of Chapter: Trouble and More Trouble**_

_**By: FanpireGirl**_

**_Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or Grey's Anatomy._**

_**MerDer story**_

* * *

"Meredith, I'm sure she's coming. Maybe she don't know where the cafeteria is. I could go looking for her…" Meredith stood up from the chair. "She's not coming Derek, she knows where the cafeteria is, she's been here before."

Meredith just shook her head as a laugh escaped her mouth. "You know what? It's fine, I'm glad she didn't show up. It's not like I wanted her to come here." Derek knew Meredith was relieved, but at the same time, he could see the disappointment in her eyes.

Again, someone had let her down. Meredith grabbed her sandwich and her cappuccino. "You know…I'll see you later, I have to prep Mr. Lawrence for surgery. By the way, he changed his mind. He wants the brain surgery. It's hooked up for this afternoon." Before Meredith got a chance to move, Derek grabbed her arm and forced her down in his lap.

"I am sure Susan wanted to come today Mer, maybe there was a complication at home. Maybe an emergency happened and she couldn't come." Meredith sighted. "It's fine Derek, you don't have to make up anything. I don't care…"

"Except you do. I know you weren't all that exited to meet her, but you are disappointed. I can see that you did, and I'm sorry. I'm sure she will take contact with you. And maybe your father…"

"It was probably him. Probably my father told her not to go. He doesn't want me in his life and…" Derek titled his head to the side, looking straight into her green emotional eyes. They showed pain, pain that her father had made. The day he showed up and shut her down. Meredith looked away, not wanting Derek's eyes to borrow holes in her soul. He could read her too well.

"It's not like you can miss something you never had," she said quietly before getting up and walking away. Derek leant back in the uncomfortable cafeteria chair and sighted, rubbing his cheek with his hand. Meredith did defiantly have issues with her father. She never told Derek what happened between her mother and her father.

Mostly she avoided the subject. He had to make her speak up. Derek still believed that Thatcher was just afraid that Meredith would be as cold as Ellis had been. Yet he had hurt her, badly.

Derek got up and walked over to the windows. He liked that, having breaks from the stressful hospital rush and just get caught up in the world outside for a moment. He watched the cars, leaving, entering. Sometimes he just stared at the rain, or at the people that passes by. He need those moments, and taking a pause, a break from the busy days. It was relaxing and calming and he could think.

Think about all that had happened lately, and the fact that he was becoming a father. Sometimes it hit him, what a big responsibility it would be to have a child. He was exiting, of course but he couldn't help that the thought was there, all the time. Did they make a mistake about this? Were they ready? Where Meredith ready? He took a deep breath, before turning away from the windows.

As soon as he looked up, he came to face a woman in the other end of the cafeteria. She was around sixty years, and had blond hair and soft brown eyes. It looked like she was searching for someone or something. Derek put his hands in his pockets and starts walking towards her. As he came closer, the woman noticed him too.

"Excuse me miss, but can I help you with something?" The woman immediately smiled to Derek. "Actually I am looking for a Meredith…Grey? She works here…I was going to meet her in the cafeteria at … o'clock, and I was running late because of the traffic and well, now I can't find her."

Derek quickly understood who she was and reached out his hand to her. "You must be Susan; I'm Dr Derek Shepherd, chief of surgery." Susan accepted his hand and shook it. "It's nice to meet you Dr Shepherd. Does Meredith…do you know Meredith? Cause I can't remember seeing you before…"

"Yes, I do know Meredith. She told me about you. Actually Meredith is my fiancée." Susan got wide eyes, but smiled softly. "I…wow, that's, great…really. Congratulations…she's very lucky; you seem like a good guy…" Derek smiled too. "By the way, what do you say, should we sit down and have a talk? Meredith got paged, so she will probably be busy for a while."

"Oh, I would love to," Susan replied with her warm calm voice, and they took a seat with an empty table. "You probably already know how Meredith and I met," Susan started. "I'm very glad I met her then, because I've always known Thatcher had another daughter and I really wanted to get the chance to meet her. And now Thatcher and I are moving out of town. He always wanted to live in the south states, so we've just bought a house in Florida. And Molly, our youngest is having a baby in the end of October, so this was a perfect time to meet Meredith at. Because Molly is moving to France in September, she wants the baby to be born there with her husband. Then we're taking a trip over to France. This is actually our last week here." Susan sighted, but smiled.

" I talk a lot, I know I do, it's just that…I'm really worried about her, and I sort of feel that I'm the terrible woman her father married." Derek just had a relaxing and soft face expression, as he listened carefully.

"I was heading home from work one day, and I did as I always did; I took the bus to the ferry, rode the ferry over Elliot Bay, and took the train to the outskirts of Seattle. I was young, just passed twenty-four. And at the moment I saw him I knew he was it for me. Everything about him amazed me; the funny black hat he wore, the way he held his hands in his pockets of his jeans, but what amazed me most was his eyes. His green sparkling eyes that looked right at me." Susan looked up in the ceiling as her lips formed into a light smile of the memories.

"Meredith has the same eyes. I noticed. She reminds me so much about him, and they have the same rambling." Derek couldn't help but chuckle. "Yeah, the rambling is one the first things I got amazed by." Susan lifted her eyebrows. "So, Derek tells me about the two of you; where are you from? How did you meet?" Derek nodded slightly before starting.

"Okay, well…I'm from New York, and I'm a neurologist -specialist, and a surgeon. I came out here when Richard Webber offered me the head of neuro. Dr Webber was chief of surgery before, and an old friend of mine. I accepted his offer and moved across the country. Then I went to the city bar, Joe's and that was where I saw her the first time. So technically, I met her in a bar. But we officially met the day after when we realize that I am her new boss, and that she's my intern." Susan made a surprised face.

"Wow, I have to say our stories are quite different. So, you met in a bar… I suppose you both got surprised when you met at work." Derek laughed. "You can just guess. I tried for days to ask her out, before she accepted my offer. She just wanted to be professional at work, and made it very clear to me that I was her boss and she was my intern." Susan sat amazed over how Derek's eyes softened whenether he talked about Meredith. He loved her; there was no doubt in that.

"She's really lucky to have such a wonderful man. She must be very happy to have you." Susan smiled before her face got serious. "Look, I know Thatcher showed up here some time ago…I, I know what he said to Meredith and…I'm really sorry about it. It was just that, when he found out about Ellis's Alzheimer that day, he also found out that she had fooled him. Ellis was…cold, and she broke him, and he wanted to have someone to blame…so he blamed Meredith for it. He had no right to, not at all, but he couldn't help it. Ellis had damaged him so much, and been so cruel to him. And I can't imagine what a childhood Meredith must have had. I really hope that you tell Meredith how sorry I am…how sorry her father is. He didn't mean what he said; Thatcher is a good man, a good husband…a good father." She sighted before continuing.

"Tell Meredith that we will visit again soon, in Seattle…and then maybe we could meet again. All three of us." She took a quick look at her watch before her gaze went up at Derek again. "It was very nice to meet you Derek, Dr Shepherd, or should I call you chief?" Derek smiled and stood up at the same time as Susan.

"Derek, just Derek. And it was nice meeting you too. I will tell Meredith, and explain it to her. She is…hard to get into, and she's stubborn, but she's…she's worth the effort, and she doesn't do family very well. But…I'll tell her, and I'll make her understand." Susan smiled, reached her hand out and gave Derek's arm a light squeeze. And before she walked out of sight, she called a last sentence to him.

"Take care, both of you. And look after her; she's a special girl…" Derek nodded. "I know," he said to himself as she walked away. "I know."

* * *

"Mark Sloan, Mark Sloan. You picked him; of all plastic surgeons in this country you picked Mark Sloan." Derek sat in his office, and Burke stood beside his desk. "He's good, even a great plastic surgeon, why wouldn't I? This is a special case, I need the best man." Derek rubbed his forehead.

"Sloan is arrogant, lazy, flirts with practically everyone. He's not the best man for you Preston, trust me I know Mark. I understand you picked him because he is one of the best, but what I don't understand is why you didn't talk to me first." Burke took his glasses in his right hand and smiled. "This is why I didn't tell you, you wouldn't have let me pick him in the first place." He started to walk towards the door.

"Derek…" Burke started. "I respect you, but when it comes to making decisions like this…with all due respect, chief. If you will excuse me, I have to get going. Dr Sloan is waiting for me." Derek just smirked. "Hmf, you never change Preston, you never change. Just…report everything back to me. And let me know when you're operating." Burke gave him a slightly nod before closing the door after him.

--

An hour later, the door opened again, and Alex came in, in a hurry. Derek was just about to tell him not to just walk in but knock first, but Alex spoke up. "We sort of have this problem down stairs, and I thought you might want to know." Derek lifted his eyebrows as a reply. "One of the nurses just reported that two police men were walking through the halls." Derek sighted, this was going to be a stressful day.

"They said someone had contacted them and reported that a patient had attacked a resident." Derek stood up with a surprised look on his face. "A resident? Who? And when?" Alex just lifted his shoulders. "No idea, all I know is that it happened early today and that the patient is nowhere to be found." Derek grabbed the phone on his desk and dialed the number to the nurse's station.

"Thank you," he murmured to Alex before a nurse in the other end answered. "Shepherd here. I need to speak with a police officer right away…thank you…oh and tell Dr Sloan to meet me at 3rd floor in thirty minutes…yes, I know he's busy…tell him it's important…okay, send the officers up here then, stat." Derek hung up and started pacing around in the room.

This was definitely not good. In addition, worst of all was that he didn't know anything, no one cared to tell him. They didn't respect him, not as a chief, they looked at him as Dr Shepherd. The arrogant handsome neurosurgeon. And he was a neurosurgeon, a great one even, but he was also the chief. He hired people, he is the one who ends carriers, and make the important decisions.

Derek stopped. He has to do something, he has to show them who he is, show them who the boss is and make them trust him, and not question the work he does as a chief. He is not weak; Derek Michael Shepherd is not giving up on dreams or goals he has in his life. Derek Shepherd takes control and responsibility for his actions. And he has to start right now.

--

There's a knock on the door. Derek closes his eyes for a second, to get perspective. "Please, come in," Derek raises his voice and says. The police officers enters, and Derek stands in the other end of the room

"This is Dr Derek Shepherd, right?" one of the officers asks. "This is the chief of surgery, and yes Dr Shepherd," Derek answers cool. A moment of silence felt over the room. Only the sound of the clock on the wall could be heard. "So…" Derek started.

"Sloan, we are looking for a Mr. Sloan. After what we have found out he is in this hospital right now." Derek nodded. "You may find him for us. He has not been found by the nurses or been seen since this morning." Derek wrinkled his eyebrows.

"I think I'm missing something here…are you saying that…"

"Dr Shepherd, chief; Mr. Sloan is under arrest."

* * *

**A/N: Seriously, bad chapter ending. I know it, and please don't kill me...(yet)...haha!! So I've been gone for a while now, had a busy month as always. I finally got some time to post now, cause the truth is I finished writing this chapter a LONG time ago, so yeah, I suck:P Anyway thanks for the rewiews from last chapter, and I hope you guys continue. So nice to hear from ya all...keep it up, and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it...LOL  
NOTE: I've changed my penname..so yeah, just so ya know!!**

**Remember to _REWEIW, _and take care everyone!!**

**_-Christine_**


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